


The Captain's Sleeping Heart

by littlelooniepielover



Series: The Captain's Heart [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Depressed Steve, First Kiss, Fix-It of Sorts, Hallucinations, I think Wanda should be in more things, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Original Character Death(s), Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Past Bucky Barnes/Natasha Romanov, Pining, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, She's just a precious little being, though it's only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-08-30 13:23:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 61,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8534812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelooniepielover/pseuds/littlelooniepielover
Summary: Three months, fifteen days, three hours, and ten seconds since Steve found the other half of his heart in Bucharest.Three months, five days, twelve hours, and forty-two seconds since his heart made the decision to go back into cryo in Wakanda.Two months, thirty days, twenty hours, and fifteen seconds since he watched his whole heart fall asleep beneath the ice.One month, twenty-eight days, four hours, and fifty-two seconds since he was able to step foot in that room.Two days, eight hours, and five seconds since he called himself a coward for failing his heart again.And again.And again.And again…..





	1. Chapter 1

Three months, fifteen days, three hours, six minutes, and ten seconds since Steve found the other half of his heart in Bucharest.

Three months, five days, twelve hours, forty minutes, and forty-two seconds since his heart made the decision to go back into cryo in Wakanda.

Two months, thirty days, twenty hours, two minutes, and fifteen seconds since he watched his whole heart fall asleep beneath the ice.

One month, twenty-eight days, four hours, fifteen minutes, and fifty-two seconds since he was able to step foot in that room.

Two days, eight hours, thirteen minutes, and five seconds since he called himself a coward for failing his heart again.

And again.

And again.

_And again….._

“Steve?”

Steve glanced up from the book he’d been attempting, and failing, to read, only to find Sam standing in the doorway. Out of everyone he’d rescued from Ross’ dunk tank only Sam and Wanda had stayed behind, not that he blamed the others for wanting to go back home: Clint and Scott both had families that needed them. Thankfully they were still in Natasha’s good graces and she was able to find both of them safe houses to crash at until everything had blown over. 

Realizing he needed to respond to Sam eventually, he quickly cleared his throat before shutting his book, not bothering to mark his place. “Hey, Sam. What’s going on?”  
“Maybe the fact I told you an hour ago to eat something?” Sam gave him a flat look. “Or maybe the fact I know you haven’t moved from this stuffy room for almost twenty-four hours.”

Well that was offensive; his room was nothing near stuffy. Steve felt like he’d been staying in the The Ritz Carlton ever since the king offered him a place to stay during his time as a fugitive. A word he was still getting used to calling himself…..though the world seemed quick to pick it up. The headlines were still embedded into his brain despite how hard Sam was trying to shield him from them: 

“ **Captain America, HYDRA All Along?** ”

“ **Captain America: A Hero’s Fall.** ”

“ **Captain America, A Traitor Beneath the Red, White, and Blue.** ”

“ **Avengers Divide After Captain’s Betrayal.** ”

 _Three months, seventeen days, nineteen hours, seven minutes_ —

“Steve!”

“Ok, ok! I’m going.”

“Good, because the next thing I was going to do was knock you out and jam a feeding tube down your throat. You are a super-soldier, Rogers, and you haven’t been eating near enough the amount you should be.”

“I know. I’ve just been—distracted lately.”

“Distracted, that what we’re calling it these days?”

Steve decided to avoid responding to that; that line of questioning always led down a road he didn’t like travelling. Which meant it always ended with questions about Bucky whose name still dumped his stomach upside down. So, no; usually answering Sam was a bad idea for Steve.

When they walked into the dining room ( _which always felt more like a five-star restaurant then a casual eating area_ ), they found Wanda and Aneka sitting comfortably at one of the many tables set up. Aneka was the head chief of the king’s security team, The Dora Milaje, and was not someone Steve wanted to make angry. He’d seem her and her entire team training in the gym before and, though their fighting technique was as graceful as their king’s, he never wanted to be on the receiving end of it. T’Challa was enough for a lifetime. Sam immediately made his way over to them, Wanda’s face lighting up as soon as she spotted Steve tagging along behind him. “I was wondering when you’d be coming from your room.”

“Sorry; I started reading this book Natasha suggested and lost track of time,” he explained. “How has your day been?”

“Good! Clint and the little ones Skyped with me this morning and Aneka has promised me a tour of the jungle.”

“I said maybe,” Aneka glared at her, though her lips twitched at a smile. “The jungles are dangerous, little witch.”

“She will do it,” Wanda winked. “Now come, you need to eat, Steven.”

Steve ate until he was sure both Sam and Wanda were satisfied he wasn’t going to wither away to his old 90lbs self before excusing himself again. Instead of going back to his room like his body desperately wanted, he made his way down two more flights until he found himself in the gym. In a way, this was his sanctuary. Steve was always sure to stick close by the palace just in case something were to happen. Even if he was out following a lead about a possible fix for Bucky, he was sure to get in and out as quickly as possible. So far word had yet to get out about the fact Bucky’d taken refuge in Wakanda, but as soon as it did he knew people would start showing up to either claim him or kill him.  
And there they’d find Steven Grant Rogers waiting. He’d lost Bucky not only once, but twice now, and he couldn’t risk the third time being permanent.

So, in the meantime, Steve ran and punched and ran some more. It was the only way he was able to rid himself of the building tension, and thoughts, and fears, and emotions that continued to try and drown him. Sure, sometimes he exhausted himself to the point he was barely able to make it back to his room, or pushed himself to the point his knuckles bled, but it worked for him. Samba, the gym maintenance worker, had even customized the treadmill to better accommodate the speeds Steve could reach. He didn’t exactly have a choice considering Steve blew the fuses on the old ones they’d had….something he still apologizes profusely for, though he was grateful for the upgrade. It was one less thing he had to focus on. After shoving a pair of headphones into his ears and starting the playlist Natasha had sent him, insisting he educate himself on the popular songs of this day and age, he started the machine.

The first song of the day apparently was about big butts.

Jesus, people actually sang about that? Steve desperately hoped there weren’t any more surprises hidden in this list….

After the sixth song, which involved something called the ‘dougie’, Steve made his way over to the punching bag. It’d been awhile since he’d been in a fight, the last during a HYDRA raid he’d done with Sam, so it was nice to be able to punch something again. Even when he was the size of a toothpick nothing took the pressure off like a good tussle in the back alley. Always made him feel a little bolder with every successful punch he got in, even if he usually got his ass handed to him in the end. That feeling never went away though, not even after he ‘was carved from marble’ as Sam and Natasha liked to tease. Bucky would probably agree with them though, which was the last thing he needed. When Sam finally warmed up to him they were going to become the best of friends and then Steve was going to be epically, royally, _screwed_.

If he woke up, that is. They were still no closer to finding any way to help him. Wanda had even attempted to find a way through to extract the words, or even warp them in some way, but she kept coming up to what Sam called a ‘fire wall’. He said it was something that blocked unauthorized access in computers so they think HYDRA, or one of the other hands Bucky’d been passed down through, had incorporated one to protect their only hold on their precious soldier. There was a possible way to get passed it, but they needed the right information, the right formula, to take it down. And at this point there was no guarantee it even existed anymore; like Sam had pointed out, why keep the only key to his lockwhen tossing it out guarantees he’s theirs forever?

Which meant there really was a chance Bucky would never wake up again. A chance that Steve would never hear his voice, or see those gray-blue eyes, or hear his laugh, or see that smile he loved so fucking much.

 _Two months, thirty days, twenty-three hours, three minutes, fifteen seconds_ ……..

“Steve!”

Steve sharply turned to find Wanda standing in the doorway, a shaky hand covering her mouth in horror. “Wanda?” Steve asked as he pulled the buds from his ears. “Wanda, what is it?”

She was in front of him in an instant, her fingers curling lightly around his wrists before lifting them. “Your hands, Steve. They’re bleeding!”

Sure enough, when he glanced down at his own hands, he realized he’d split his knuckles wide open. He usually bypassed the tape considering it blunted the feel of his fist hitting the bag, but apparently it was doing more damage than he thought. Sure, he occasionally bled when he got too carried away, but right now he was currently staring at the white bone of his middle knuckle. He swallowed thickly, refusing to meet her glance. “I-I didn’t even feel it.”

Wanda made a tsking noise before immediately beginning to tug him towards the elevator. “We need to take you to medical so they can—“

“No!” he exclaimed. When she turned to stare at him expectantly, his cheeks flamed. “S-sorry, I just—can we please just go back to my room? We can fix them there, I promise.”

She looked like she wanted to argue with him but thankfully gave in with a nod before leading him towards the elevator again, her grip a little tighter around his arm. Not that he could blame her….Steve was pro at slipping away and disappearing into thin air when people wanted to talk to him. She didn’t release her hold until they were in his room, but as soon as she retrieved the first aid kit from the bathroom she was right back in front of him. “Hands, now.”

Obediently Steve fanned his fingers out in front of him, giving Wanda free reign to dab them with the alcohol wipes. It stung but he couldn’t get himself to care; honestly all he really wanted to do right now was sleep. Not that sleep had ever been his friend since he woke up from the ice…… 

“Зашто?”

If he hadn’t had super-hearing he probably would have missed her faint whisper. “What?”

Wanda sighed, setting the hand she’d been bandaging back against his thigh. “Why do you keep doing this to yourself?” she asked. “Don’t think the others and I haven’t noticed how hard you have been pushing yourself. I swear you are trying to put yourself into an early grave!”

“I wasn’t paying attention, that’s all that happened. With my pain tolerance I barely felt it.”

“That’s no excuse,” she scolded, Steve sharply snapping his jaw shut against an argument. She might have been younger than him but she was one of the only people who had the ability to keep him in line. Not even Sam or Natasha could get through his thick head! And here Wanda seemed to know exactly what to do and say to keep him in line. Considering her gift however, there might be more truth to that statement. “When was the last time you spoke to him?”

That immediately snapped him from his thoughts. “I don’t want to talk about that.”

“You can’t keep hiding from him. It’s obviously doing more harm than good for you.” When he simply grit his teeth and shut down, Wanda gently took his hands again. “A man can only be away from his heart for so long, Steven.”

Steve’s blood ran cold, a chill trickling down his spine as he gaped at her. “I—it’s not—he is my best friend, Wanda. He’s not—“

“And you are currently trying to lie to a telekinetic who has dabbled in the art of telepathy,” she reminded him, his jaw once again snapping shut. “It’s ok, you know. You express the emotion so fiercely it was almost impossible for me not to feel it.”

“I’ve never—nobody’s ever figured it out, and I never felt safe enough to say it out loud,” Steve said, voice barely audible even to himself.

Which wasn’t a lie; it’s not like anyone really took the time to sit down and talk to Steve about himself, especially not about anything personal. It had always been about Captain America ever since he woke up. Sam had asked questions while they were hunting for Bucky but obviously didn’t want to straight out ask him if his feelings towards his friend were more than just familial. To be honest, after having held it in for so long, it was nice to be able to finally tell someone without fear of being beaten to death or arrested for it. Not that anything would have come of his confession anyway; defeats the purpose if the man you want to spend the rest of your life with doesn’t want that too.

“Buck though, he ain’t—he’s not like that, you know? Never was. Always had a dame or two on his arm and I was usually left behind to watch. Nobody ever noticed the scrawny kid tagging along behind him like a lost puppy though, so why would he? No, the only person everyone noticed was Captain America. Never Steve Rogers.”

“То је у реду,” she whispered, her thumb lightly wiping away the trickle of water that’d escaped down his cheek. “Would you ever tell him?”

“You mean, if he ever wakes up?”

“Someday he will. We just have to be patient, that’s all,” she quietly hushed him. Her hand flattened out to fully cup his cheek. “Go speak with him, please? It will not only do your mind well, but your heart too.”

“Ok,” he sighed in defeat. “I’ll-I’ll try to make it down there the next chance I get.”

“Good. Now, it’s time for you to sleep. If your body is going to heal those hands before Sam sees, you’ll need it.”

“You’re not going to tell him about this?”

“Not unless it happens again,” she warned as she returned the first aid kit. “I will see you in the morning for breakfast, alright? Maybe then we can finally convince Aneka to take us through the jungles.”

“Good luck with that one.”

Wanda flashed him one of her best smiles before making her way towards the door. “Good-night, Steven.”

“Night, Wanda.”

As much as Steve wanted to pass out for a whole week, his eyes were only closed for a couple of hours before he jolted awake. His chest was heaving, his legs tangled in sweat soaked sheets as he desperately tried to calm his racing heart. He hadn’t been lying when he said his relationship with sleep had been shit ever since he was pulled from the ice. If it wasn’t the nightmares about a running train or being frozen alive, it was the guilt that kept him awake. It was always there, lingering predatorily in the back of his mind like someone attempting to smother him as soon as his eyes were shut. No, unfortunately for Steve, he lived in a constant state of exhaustion. His cure? Coffee. And, thanks to his super-soldier metabolism, a lot of it. After managing to free himself from the nest of blankets, he made his way into the kitchen to start the coffee pot, his fingers failing to comb out his sleep-mussed hair. 

Just as he finished pouring himself a mug full, his phone rang, a blocked number lighting up his screen. “Hello?”

“ _You know, you really shouldn’t answer calls from strangers, Rogers_.”

Steve rolled his eyes as he cradled his cup against his stomach. “Hilarious, Natasha. What are you doing up at this time, anyway?”

“ _I should be asking you the same thing. It’s only two a.m. over there, you know_.”

“Yeah, well, got better things to be doing I guess,” he shrugged despite the fact she couldn’t see. “What’s going on? You usually don’t call unless it’s something important.”

“ _Or I need to send you another one of my special playlists_.”

“Speaking of, what the hell is a dougie?”

Natasha burst into laughter, a sound that Steve couldn’t help but grin at. “ _I’ll tell you when you’re older, Steve. But I do have a lead I figured I’d let you in on. You want it?_ ”

“What do you got?”

“ _It’s one of HYDRA’s old labs. Supposedly it’s stocked full of experiment reports and other information they haven’t fried yet. I don’t know if there’s anything there on the Winter Soldier, but I don’t think it’d hurt to check out._ ”

“I’ll be there. What are the coordinates?”

“ _I’m heading your way now, actually. Figured I’d just pick you up since I’ll be in the area_.”

“You’re coming with?”

“ _And let you and Wilson have all the fun? Never,” he could practically see her grin. “Go wake up our little birdie and tell him to suit up. I’ll be there within the next hour_.”

“We’ll meet you out on the landing pad,” Steve agreed. “Thanks, Natasha.”

“ _Any time. Now, go put your spandex on!_ ”

Steve rolled his eyes as he tossed his phone back onto the counter and downed his scalding coffee in one go. After rinsing his mug and putting it in the sink he quickly made his way back into the bedroom to pull a t-shirt and joggers on before ducking into the hallway. Sam’s room was conveniently just down the hallway from his. He claimed it was just happenstance his room ended up there, but Steve knew better. Ever since they started their hunt for Bucky Sam had kept a close eye on him, probably waiting for the day he finally broke under the pressure of everything. Not that he could really blame him for being precautious. Steve’s never really been sane when it came to Bucky Barnes. That was why Sam always insisted he go on hunts with him; the one time Steve snuck off to take down a bunker on his own Sam gave him the reaming of a lifetime when he got back, making him swear from then on to bring him along as back-up just in case. Steve had never seen his friend so upset and desperate sounding before so he immediately agreed; if it made Sam feel better, who was he to deny him that? 

After knocking constantly for a full minute, Sam finally opened the door, Steve smiling brightly at him. “You ready to go on a hunting trip?”

“Steve, it is three in the morning,” Sam grumbled. He was still half asleep from where he was slumped against the doorframe. “Why the fuck are you awake let alone even thinking about a god damn HYDRA hunt?”

“Because Natasha is on her way, and I figured it’d be safer for me to wake you up than her.”

Sam was awake and alert in an instant. “She’s coming here? Why? We usually meet her on site!”

“She felt like being helpful this time around,” Steve grinned. “Now get dressed. She’ll be here within the hour.”

When he got back to his room he scrubbed himself clean, being sure his knuckles had healed enough to go unnoticed by anyone, before changing into his tactical suit. Ever since he dropped the shield and left it behind, he hadn’t found the courage to put himself back into Captain America’s shoes. As much as he hated to admit it, Tony had been right. After everything he’d done, everything not only he’d sacrificed but that he forced his friends to sacrifice, he still failed his one job as Captain America: protecting those he loved. Not only did he still lose Bucky after everything, but now his friends were wanted by the government, and he’s pretty sure all of SHIELD wanted his head on a spike. So no, he doubted he’d ever be able to pull that suit back on, though a part of him would always miss the shield. More than once did he find himself reaching for its usual place on his back, only to grasp at empty air.

After strapping himself into his all black gear he headed for the elevator, clicking his single pistol in place around his thigh. Despite not having the shield anymore, Steve still couldn’t get himself used to wielding a gun. So instead he used it as a back-up in case his fists weren’t enough, and so far the strategy had been working well for him. As he slipped into the elevator and made to push the button that would take him up to the roof however, he hesitated, Wanda’s voice practically echoing in his mind. In the beginning, when Steve still had the guts to go in and see Bucky, he was always sure to say good-bye before leaving for a mission. Was always sure to promise he’d be back in time for him to wake up. As the weeks passed however it started getting harder and harder to say good-bye so one day he just—stopped. Sam had noticed the change in routine but thankfully didn’t ask about it.

Quickly pushing the thoughts away Steve pressed the button for the roof. He didn’t have to wait long for Sam to show up, coffee in hand. At Steve’s raised brow Sam flipped him off. “You don’t get to say anything about my coffee consumption. It is way too damn early for this shit. I mean, the sun ain’t even up yet!”

“Good-morning to you too, Sam.”

Sam continued to flip him off even through his next sip. A few minutes later is when Steve heard the jet, Sam obviously hearing it not too long after. “What do you think she stole this time?”

“She doesn’t always steal her rides of transportation.” When Sam raised a brow at him, he scratched at the back of his head. “Ok, a majority of the time she does, but it’s worked out for us in the end so I’m not complaining.”

It was a small plane this time, one that looked like the cross breed of a jet and a hover craft. If Steve had to guess it had been in SHIELD’s garage at one point. Without a tracker though it wasn’t like anyone could have stopped her once she got off of the ground and disappeared. As soon as it landed in front of them the side door slid up and open, Natasha leaning in the doorway. “Why hello, boys.”

“Morning, Natasha,” Steve smiled as he passed her.

“Nice ride,” Sam sipped his coffee as he approached her. “Where’d you get this one from?”

“It’s one of SHIELD’s prototypes,” she shrugged, the grin never faltering from her face. “Pretty sure this is its first test drive, so let’s hope the engine doesn’t cut mid-air.”

“Why? Why do you do this to me?” Sam whined as he finally boarded the jet. “I swear you both are secretly plotting to give me an early heart attack.”

“Damn, Sam. You caught us,” Steve chuckled. “So where are we headed?”

“We are headed to the very sunny, very educational, Bangladesh jungles.”

Sam’s cup fumbled in his hand. “It’s January! Do you know how foggy and cold a jungle gets during the winter?”

“Oh stop being a princess, Wilson. Your hair will survive.”

It was a five hour flight, even with SHIELD’s flying enhancements. When they were finally able to find a safe spot to land under radar, they were greeted by a sea off fog.

“Fucking told you.”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t get your wings in a knot,” Natasha rolled her eyes as she strapped a glock to her thigh. “You ready?”

“Which way are we headed?”

Natasha pulled a small device from her pocket, a row of numbers and a map appearing on the screen. “Looks like we have to travel five miles northwest then it’ll be somewhere directly west.”

“Any hostiles?”

“Shouldn’t be; place supposedly has been abandoned for a decade at least, but who knows what happened after HYDRA fell.”

“I guess we’ll find out when we get there.”

The hike through the jungle wasn’t too bad. The only trouble they ran into was when Sam managed to get his wing tangled in a vine. It took them almost thirty minutes to cut the damn thing off, then another ten to unwrap it from his pack. Four hours of walking later Natasha’s device suddenly beeped, a red dot blinking wildly on the screen. “It’s close. Maybe dead ahead, quarter mile at most.”

Immediately they went on alert; if this bunker had any leftover security measures they needed to be ready for it. Even if nobody’d taken shelter here in a while it didn’t mean they hadn’t left any form of protection in their place. Sure enough, they eventually came upon a large concrete dome buried beneath moss and vines, Mother Nature obviously beginning the process of taking it back as her own. “Stick close. I don’t want us splitting up until we know what’s waiting for us inside.”

Once he was sure both Sam and Natasha were on the same page he slowly made his way for the entrance. It took Natasha a few seconds to get the code to unlock the door, but as soon as it beeped unlocked, the steels doors creaked open for them. The place was dark and damp and smelled like rotting mulch inside, but it definitely looked abandoned. There were scattered papers everywhere, broken equipment, desks, and chairs, things that hadn’t been used or touched in years. “How big is this place?”

Natasha held her hand out, a small orb levitating from her hand before a bright light flashed through the room. As soon as it dimmed again she turned her attention back to her device. “There’s one floor below us, a single room on the left and double on the right, but that’s it.”

“Alright, let’s split up. Natasha take the rooms on the right, Sam the left, and I’ll make my way down below.”

“Got it.”

Steve clicked the flashlight from his belt on, letting it shine over the staircase door in front of him. It took a great deal of effort to pry it open but as soon as he did, his heart sank. The concrete walls were charred, black ash burnt into the stone. The smell of fire, accelerant, and charred equipment burned his nose as he continued down the steps, his boots leaving prints in the soot. When he finally reached the main floor below him all he could see were the burnt ruins of what had once been a functioning HYDRA facility. There was nothing left, not even the metal remains of file cabinets or even a desk. Everything was just— _gone_. Even if the information they needed to save Bucky was here, it was long gone now.

Which meant they were no closer to saving him. Which meant, once again, Steve had failed to help him, just like all of the other times. On the train, on the bridge, in the helicarrier, in Bucharest, with Tony—Steve was always fucking disappointing him. And now the looming idea that Bucky was never going to wake up again was looking more and more like reality. Suddenly Steve’s chest went tight, his heart pounding violently against his ribs as his head began to swim. He struggled to catch his breath as he braced himself against the wall, his forehead grounding painfully against the concrete in an attempt to ground himself. Fuck, what was he going to do? He couldn’t do this without him, he’d never been able to. The last time he had to, he lasted six days before plunging himself into—

“Steve?” Natasha called, her voice bouncing down the staircase. “Jesus, what the hell happened down here?”

Steve took a few deep breaths before pushing himself straight again, his glove feebly wiping the ash from his head. When she and Sam stepped off of the last step he cleared his throat. “It must have been one of their fail safes. They probably set the bomb to go off as soon as they cleared out, but because that door to the staircase had sealed itself shut, it never got out of this room.”

“Which sucks for us. Looks like ninety percent of their information was kept down here. There was nothing useful upstairs.”

“All I found were old Vogue magazines,” Sam added. “Someone was really into their fashion, apparently.”

“Looks like this was another dead end,” Natasha frowned. “I’m sorry, Steve. I thought this could have at least given us something to go off of.”

“It’s not your fault, Natasha,” Steve offered a small smile. “Come on, let’s get out of here. No point hanging around anymore than we have to.”

It looked like Sam wanted to say something more about it, but Steve pushed his way back up the stairs before he could open his mouth. The faster he was out of this place the better.

It was almost midnight by the time Natasha dropped them back off in Wakanda. She politely declined their invite to stay the night, reminding them she was still in possession of a technically stolen SHIELD craft, and took back to the air as soon as they were safely inside. Sam went to his room immediately after, his eyes having started drooping a few hours into their flight back home. After saying a quick good-night, Steve made his way down the hall to his room. He probably wouldn’t be able to sleep, but he still had a list of movies and TV shows he had to get through. A list that was constantly growing. As soon as he made to open his door however he hesitated, the hairs on the back of his neck prickling. Nothing seemed to be out of sorts as he glanced his surroundings, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t something else going on. When the feeling intensified, the skin on his arms bristling next, a terrifying thought plunged into his stomach.

“Bucky.”

He was in the elevator instantly, his fingers frantically pressing the button for the floor of Bucky’s chamber. After a long, painstaking elevator ride, the doors finally opened and he stumbled out into an eerily quiet hallway. A hallway that usually had two guards standing along the doorway of the room at the far end. Slowly Steve inched his way towards it, his hands curling into fists as he got closer. There didn’t seem to be any sign of a struggle or a fight. If there had been, the entire building would have been shut down by now anyway. The door was cracked when he finally reached it and barely made a sound as he pushed his way into the room. Everything was dark inside except for the faint glow coming from Bucky’s cryo tube. Keeping his eyes averted from the block of ice, Steve immediately honed in on the figure standing in front of it. Whoever they were they hadn’t made any attempt at hiding themselves, giving him the perfect view of the intruder.

An intruder who didn’t look deadly at all. The young woman didn’t seem to be any older than Steve, maybe twenty-four at the most, and there was no way she stood any taller than his collar bone. She had long blue hair that was braided down her back and a single earring that dangled from her right ear. It didn’t look like she was armed; all she was wearing were boots, jeans, a tank top, and a leather jacket. But, having learned multiple lessons from Natasha, the most innocent of people were usually the most deadly.

“The guards said he chose this,” she suddenly spoke, Steve’s heart jumping in surprise. Her voice sounded rough, like she was sick or something. “Is that true? Did he want to be put back under?”

“Yes,” he answered as he stepped from his hiding place, continuing to pointedly avoid Bucky’s sleeping face. “Nobody forced him to do this.”

The girl went silent again, her teeth chewing her bottom lip anxiously. “How long?”

 _Two months, thirty-one days, ten hours, one minute, and two seconds_.

“Almost three months.”

“Th-three?” the girl’s face crumpled. “I only missed him by three months?”

To his surprise he realized she was crying, twin streaks of tears trailing down her cheeks. Who was this girl? “Where do you know him from?”

“Why is he in there?” she choked out, ignoring his question completely. “Why is he back on ice?”

Now it was his throat going tight; there was no use lying to the girl. She hadn’t attacked him yet, or tried to hurt Bucky, and even if she did there was no way she was getting out of here alive. “He—he’s been through a lot. A lot of things happened before this and he thought—he thought the ice would be the best result until we could find a cure.”

“A cure?” she seethed. “Why are you making him sound like some kind of disease?”

“No! No, it’s nothing like that,” he waved his hands defensively. “His mind, it’s—our enemies have a leash on him we can’t break. We’ve been searching for a way too—“

Suddenly the girl’s brows rose, her attention turning back to the tube. “You mean the words. Someone found the book.”

Steve’s blood ran cold. “How—how do you know about that?”

Once again the girl ignored him, her fingers reaching out to brush the glass though never made contact. “If you had the right information, could you fix him? I mean, do you have the equipment and resources needed?”

“That’s not what I asked,” he snapped, immediately back on the defense. “Who are you and how do you know Bucky? Why are you here?”

“I haven’t answered because you won’t like what I have to say.”

“Either you answer me or I’m going to have to forcibly remove you from the palace.”

The girl let out an annoyed groan as she let her head drop back, her eyes almost pleading with the ceiling. After a few seconds she finally righted herself. “Fine. Might as well start with the bad news first and get that fight out of the way.”

To Steve’s surprise she turned her back to him before lifting her braid off of her neck and over the top of her head. As soon as Steve made to question her again however he saw the marking at the base of her neck and immediately saw red. He lunged before he really even knew what he was doing, his body slamming into her and sending her colliding roughly with the floor. She bounced once before rolling over her left shoulder and getting back to her feet. Steve made to swing at her again but she ducked, sharply stepping behind him and away. Again he made to attack her only for the girl to dodge both his punches and kick, taking an even bigger step back out of his reach.

“Jesus, would you stop?!” she snapped, lifting her arms to block another kick. “I’m not going to fight you!”

“You’re HYDRA!” he snarled, though briefly stopped trying to bash her head in. “You have their symbol tattooed into your neck.”

“Trust me, it wasn’t put there willingly,” she grunted. “Would you at least let me explain?”

“You have one minute before I try to swing on you again.”

“Joy,” she snorted. After taking a moment to right her clothes, she cleared her throat. “My name is Rune. I was eighteen when I was sold to HYDRA and—“

“What do you mean you were sold?”

“That’s a story for another time. I’ve only got a minute here and I don’t want to waste it,” she reminded him. “Anyway, I was eighteen when HYDRA sucked me in and from there is how I became the soldier’s primary handler.”

“You were what?!?”

“I swear to God if you think I’m anything like fucking Brock or Rollins were, I will slap you just on principle,” she growled. “Trust me, they got off easy the way they died. Especially Brock.”

“Fine, then what kind of handler were you?”

“The kind that tried to keep him out of that chair,” she explained, Steve’s spine going rim-rod straight. 

They’d found the chair they read about in his file, the same one they’d thrown Bucky into after he’d recognized Steve on the bridge. It was tucked away in the basement of one of Pierce’s safe houses. Fury and Coulson originally had intentions of keeping it, studying it, but after taking one look at Steve, they gave him permission to rip it to shreds. Natasha had found three more just like it stashed across the world and sent Steve a video of all three being blown to smithereens.

“I wanted to help him get out,” she continued with a small shrug. “For ten years I slowly started putting a plan together. It was hard with Pierce and his minions breathing down my neck, but I had all intentions of getting him out before—before—“

“Project Insight.”

Rune nodded as her shoulders slumped. “Yeah, shows what good all those years did considering where he’s at now.”

“Were you there? In DC, I mean. When everything went to hell.”

A mix of what looked like anger, sadness, and guilt flashed across her face, her nails biting into her palms. “No, I wasn’t. Pierce had me thrown into a cell at some fuck hole in Greenland where I rotted for two years.”

“Why would he do that?”

Surprisingly she bellowed out a laugh. “Because they knew I wouldn’t have stopped Bucky if he remembered you.”

“What?”

Rune simply waved him off. “Look, the guards will be back soon, most likely with a lot of other guards, so I need to make this quick. I came here because I need your help, and since we’re both fighting for the same goal, I figured you’d be willing to do it.”

“And what’s that?”

“Give Bucky his life back. The information you’ve been looking for, the formulas and processes you need to take, I know where they are.”

“How?”

“Because I was the one who set up the security system to keep the files safe, and I’m the only one left alive who knows how to get them out in one piece. To get there though I’m going to need your help; well, your strength to be exact.”

Steve didn’t even have to consider it, his hands shaking with anticipation as he stepped closer to her. “I’ll do it. Whatever it is, I’ll do it. Just tell me what to do.”

“Slow down there turbo, we can’t rush this too much, as much as I’d like to. We’ve got two places on our list, and none are going to be simple in-and-outs. There will be a lot of people trying to stop us and there’s a chance you won’t be coming back to Wakanda alive.”

“I don’t care, I’ll take the risk. Anything to help save him.”

“Good,” she smiled. “We need to leave as soon as possible though. I’ve got a jet stashed out in the middle of the jungle so we already have a ride set up. Do you need to get anything before we head out?”

“I need to somehow let Sam know that I’m leaving. He’s—he doesn’t like when I go out and fight without him.”

“Can’t say I blame him; I’ve seen your fighting strategy. Your superhero name should have been Stubborn Martyr,” she grumbled as she made her way over to one of the computers along the wall.

Her fingers flew across the keyboard for a few seconds before the webcam light flashed on and her own face appeared on the screen. She pushed a few more keys and then the sound of the camera recording chimed on. “Hello fellow Wakanda vacationers, my name is Rune. I’m here to let—um, shit, what’s his name?”

“Sam,” Steve said as he came up behind her. “Sam Wilson.”

“Like the volleyball?”

“What?”

“Whoever has been in charge of introducing you to the future should be fired.”

“I—um—I never really had anyone to show me the ropes.”

Rune’s jaw dropped before her eyes narrowed angrily. “Fucking SHIELD and their priorities. Give them a piece of my mind if I—“

“Rune.”

“Right, sorry! Anyway, I’m here to let Sam Wilson know that I’m borrowing the Captain for a bit. No, he’s not being kidnapped or brainwashed or bribed—well, it’s kind of a bribe I guess. He’ll be gone a week tops if everything goes right, but most of it will just be spent travelling. I’ll even set him up in the fanciest hotels I can find,” she winked. “If the mission wasn’t highly classified then I’d let you know where we were headed, but unfortunately I can’t. I’ll have him update you on his condition when it’s safe, which probably won’t be often, but just let everyone—“

“Natasha and Wanda.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, did you just say Wanda?” she turned to stare at him. “As in Wanda Maximoff?”

“Yes?”

“She’s alive?”

“She’s staying here just like Sam and me.”

Rune went silent for too long before suddenly she turned back to the camera. “Keep that girl safe, got it? She is going to be important to our mission when Steve gets back. Like, the key piece to all of this. Also—I’m sorry to hear about your brother, моја Звезда. He was a brave man,” she said, her tone softening. “Alright, enough of this sentimental crap, we’re off! Wish us luck!”

As soon as the recording chimed again her fingers were back on the keyboard, a little white envelope appearing on the screen before disappearing as quickly as it had come. “We better go before he reads that.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice,” she agreed. “You ready for this?”

Steve nodded before immediately making his way for the door. Rune however hesitated, her attention glued to the space he still couldn’t get himself to look. “Прощай, мой солдат.”

With a kiss to her fingertips she finally turned to follow Steve, who instantly lead her down the hall to the elevators. He followed her out the same way she’d gotten in, which just so happened to be the front door, without being noticed before they slipped into the darkness of the woods. They twisted their way through the tangle of trees for a few miles before coming up on the craft she must have come in on. This one looked to be an old project of HYDRAs, if the fading red paint flaking off of the wings said anything about it. He slid in next to Rune, taking the co-pilot seat on her right as she started the engines, the sound a little too loud through the trees.

“So,” he asked as soon as they were in the air, “where are we headed first?”

“Nova Scotia. That’s where Pierce had us hiding out until we were ready to move forward with Project Insight.”

“What’s there?”

“My belongings. They stripped me of everything I owned before stuffing me on a plane, and I need them back. Especially if we want to get into the facility holding Bucky’s information.”

“I’m following you. Just lead on.”

Sure Steve felt like he was jumping into this whole thing blind, especially considering he was willingly working with an ex-HYDRA agent, but he was desperate at this point. After months of dead end after dead end he was finally given a mission that sounded promising. If Rune really had been Bucky’s handler, and she really knew the cure to fixing his head, he’d follow her to the ends of the god damn universe if that’s what it took.

Anything to bring Bucky _home_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Alex for picking through and correcting and teaching me the proper Russian phrases I needed. I really do appreciate it! You are an extremely patient person trying to correct my butchered attempts.......Google once again, has failed me.
> 
> [Serbian]  
> Зашто? - Why?  
> То је у реду - It will be ok.  
> моја Звезда - my star
> 
> [Russian]  
> Прощай, мой солдат - Farewell, my soldier


	2. Chapter 2

Steve jerked awake at the feeling of the jet landing. It took him a few seconds to remember where he was, his hand nearly breaking the arm of the co-pilot’s chair as he took in his surroundings. When he glanced to his left he found Rune frowning. “Sorry. I’m not usually the one who flies these things.”

“You flew us all the way here!”

“We didn’t die though, did we?”

His mouth opened and closed a few times before finally he gave in with a long groan. “Where are we?”

“I told you, Nova Scotia,” she reminded him as she unbuckled herself and began to make her way towards the back. “We are currently parked on an old HYDRA landing lot.”

“No one is here?”

“Not at this one, no. This base was shut down and cleared out by SHIELD agents a few years before Project Insight, although they did shit at clean up.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means they left all of the idiots they killed lying around,” she grumbled. “Trust me, it was disgusting, but at least it gives us a place to stay while we plan our next move.”

“How big is the place we’re going to hit?”

“Well, it ain’t small, but I’ve got a plan that’ll blow them from the inside out. Now come on, I need those arms of yours to get the doors back open.”

Rune grabbed a bag from the back, throwing two more over Steve’s shoulders, before leading him out of the jet and into the trees. They didn’t have to walk far before they came up to a large steel door that’d been cut into a stone dome of a building. This place at least didn’t look like the woods were taking it back, though there were a few patches of moss beginning to grow against the wet stone. This place must not have been that far from the coast. “So, what now?”

“Give me sec, jeeze Mr. Impatient,” she said through a laugh. She rummaged through her pack for a few seconds before pulling out what looked like a large pen. “Stand back.”

“You don’t need my help?”

“Not for this door. I had to lock everything down when I left just in case our HYDRA neighbors decided to try and take it back. Only problem is, it was a one way deal. Once I locked it, there was no going back. So, my fix is a large laser pen!”

“Those exist?”

“Haven’t you worked with spies before? I mean, you were a part of SHIELD.”

“I have, I guess I just never looked at their weaponry.”

“Shame, they get to use some cool shit. Watch and learn,” she grinned before twisting the pen, the end lighting up with a smoking red light. As soon as she approached the door she immediately pressed it against the metal, tracing the inside of the door just beneath the seal. Steve could hear it cutting through, the nail on a chalkboard sound grinding his ears. A few seconds later she sharply stepped to the side, just in time for the large hunk of newly cut door to collapse into the dirt besides her. “Ta-dah!”

“Ok,” he agreed, “I’m impressed.”

“Come along, Cap. Let me show you around the place.”

She led him through the new opening, winding them down a set of stairs, before they stepped into a large meeting area filled with desks and old computers, an even larger monitor looming over them from the far wall. He could see what she meant about clean up though, considering there were dried blood stains scattered across the room, one stain suspiciously looking more like old brain matter. He was sure to step wide over that one. Rune continued leading him across the room and down a smaller hallway before ducking down another smaller set of stairs where they came to another set of double steel doors.

When she turned and spread her arms out, flashing a smile, he chuckled. “I’m assuming this is where I come in?”

“Yup! Someone smashed the keypad, and I only had one fuse for the laser pen, but this is the easier door to get through,” she explained. “So, think you can get it open?”

Steve set the bags down before he approached it, his fingers running down the seam between the doors. “I think I can get it open enough for you to slip through and find a way to open it from inside.”

“The keypad in there should still be intact,” she agreed. “Alright, let’s do this.”

It took him a bit to get the right grip on the door but as soon as his fingers dug in, he pulled with everything in him. His arms screamed in protest as they slowly creaked open but he didn’t stop. As soon as it was wide enough for Rune to duck through she disappeared, Steve sharply dropping his arms and letting the doors slam shut again. He rolled his shoulders in hopes of releasing some of the tension; he pulled at least something in his forearms. He hadn’t had to do anything that strenuous since he tried to pull the helicopter—

_Three months, fourteen days, six hours, twenty-one minutes, and thirty-five seconds._

“Got it!”

Steve blinked back to reality at the sound of the doors opening again, Rune smiling victoriously from the other side. “Apparently my code still works.”

“Not sure if I should be happy about that or not.”

“We’re on the same side, Steve,” she rolled her eyes before picking up their fallen bags and walking away. “Now, see if you can find the power button to this place. It’s literally a big red button.”

“Why are we here again?”

“See that wall of cabinets over there?” Steve followed her point to a row of metal bookshelves filled with code books and old research files. “The second one from the left opens up to a secret tunnel.”

“Like a secret entrance.”

“All bases have one, but only the higher ups know about it,” she said, her hand running against a concrete pillar. “Gotta save the important ones, you know?”

There was the sound of a loud click and suddenly the lights flickered on, Steve blinking against the brightness. “I’m assuming you were one of the important ones?”

She went quiet, a faint look of anger taking over. “I never wanted to be.”

Figuring now was not the time to talk details about her exact involvement with HYDRA, Steve motioned back to the cabinet. “I’m assuming we’re using the tunnel for something.”

“Why yes, yes we are,” she agreed, the anger thankfully melting away. “You see, this specific tunnel just so happens to attach to the secret tunnel of the base we need to get into.”

“Really? Well that sounds like a stupid idea.”

“It’s HYDRA, Steve. They’re the only ones who think it’s a smart idea,” she huffed. “Now, there’s nothing we can do tonight. Everyone’s home today, but I have a plan for that too.”

“And what’s that?”

“I didn’t pick our ride outside just for its looks and speed. It not only has an autopilot that can be pre-programmed, but it has a single GSh-6-30 autocannon that can be used remotely. Which is very convenient for a diversion, if you know what I mean,” she winked before poking one of the tables. The tabletop suddenly lit up with a blank screen and a keyboard. She typed out a few sequences, multiple boxes popping up, before she pushed what looked like the layout for a bunker. “Once they’re distracted with that out front, we’ll sneak our way down our end of the tunnel and then pop up in this room right here.”

“What’s that?”

“A meeting room just like this, but twice as large. Their strongest soldiers will be distracted up top with our jet, so it’ll be easy to disable any threats left behind.”

“Where is your stuff?”

“Last I saw it, everything they took was stashed in a safe over here, but I know the code so it’ll be easy to crack. While I’m doing that, you’ll be setting up the bomb—“

“Bomb?”

“I’m not letting this place stand, Steve. Out of all the bases they’ve got left, this is the biggest they’ve got still functioning. You have no idea the things they’ve done here, the things they took from me here. I understand if you have hesitations, but I’m not leaving until I see that fucking bunker in ruins.”

“I’ll do it,” he nodded without hesitation. As soon as he’d heard they’d held Bucky there he wanted to rip the place apart with his bare hands. This was one of the places where they’d probably thrown him into that fucking chair too. No, Rune was right; this place needed to burn. “Whatever it takes to get us closer to snuffing HYDRA out for good.”

“Thank you,” she sighed in relief. “So the bomb will go here. It’s a center point for the base, so the explosion will literally collapse the bunker from the bottom out. Now, the only downside to this is our exit plan.”

“Why do I feel like this is where the bad news comes in?”

“Because we can’t go back out through the tunnel. These doors aren’t mean to withstand an explosion at such a high velocity, which means the bunker we’re currently standing in will most likely collapse as well. It’s too small to stand up against the force and will hit the ground faster than this place will.”

“So that means we have to make it up and out the front door of the other one,” Steve groaned. “Which means fighting our way out.”

“Hopefully our jet will be able to take out a few soldiers, but yeah. It ain’t gonna be a walk in the park, unfortunately.”

“Can’t say I haven’t dealt with worse,” he sighed. It was missions like these he really missed his shield. “When do we move in tomorrow?”

“If we can catch them while half of them are sleeping, the better. So I’d say zero-six-hundred.”

“I always did like watching the sunrise.”

“Such a romantic,” Rune shook her head fondly. “Well, since we’ve got that out of the way, make yourself comfortable. I’m going to see if maybe I can hack into the security cameras over there, give us a look at what we’re up against.”

“Do you think you’ll recognize anyone?”

“Probably. HYDRA agents are stupidly dedicated to the cause.”

“And you’ll be ok with that?”

“I killed most of the people I worked with even before they threw me in a cage,” she shrugged, her attention glued to what Steve dubbed ‘the table computer’. “They could say whatever they wanted to me, try to do whatever they wanted to me, but as soon as they tried anything on Bucky, most of them found themselves with their own pistol in their mouth.”

“R-really?”

Her expression softened as she turned to face him again. “Before I was forced into HYDRA, Bucky’s previous handlers they—well, I know you’ve imagined it hundreds of times, and most of your thoughts are probably true, sadly. During my training I watched those happenings in person and vowed from then on, anyone else who dared to even spit in his direction, needed to die.”

“That’s-that’s a huge commitment for someone you just met.”

“He wasn’t what they’d made him into. Sure, he followed orders to the T, but anyone would have with the threat of that fucking chair looming over them,” she spat. “I didn’t even figure out who he was until a few months after I became his primary.”

“How?”

“He said your name while he slept.” 

Steve felt his stomach drop, his heart once again doing its usual attempt at escaping through his ribs. “Wh-what?”

“Bucky never trusted his handlers, not that I could blame him. Speaking out of turn meant punishment. Doing anything out of freewill meant punishment. And especially asking questions meant punishment,” she practically growled. “I never believed in that approached. I mean, fuck, he’s human! Metal arm or not, humans have faults. They’re not perfect and beating them into submission will never make them perfect.”

Steve’s flinch must not have gone unnoticed for suddenly Rune was in front of him lightly gripping his arm. “Sorry. The only reason I’m telling you any of this is because I know he’ll try to shield you from it.”

“But I-I need to hear it. I want to know what he went through.”

“I know. I don’t feel right talking about everything he’s been through, a lot of it ain’t my place, but I’ll tell you what I can.”

He took a moment to collect himself, taking a few deep breaths. Before Bucky went under, they didn’t have time to step aside and talk, despite how much he desperately wanted to. And the one chance he had on the jet ride to the Siberian HYDRA base, he chickened out. Everything he’d wanted to say, wanted to ask, dried up in his fucking throat like the coward he was. He finally had his moment with Bucky, one he’d been begging for ever since his best friend fell off the train, and he blew it. Because a week later his friend was back on ice, sealing away with him the last of the will that’d been dwindling from Steve since he woke up. And, if it ended up that Steve didn’t make it out of the end of this mission, he wanted to at least have this to take with him.

“I’m-I’m ok. Please, keep going.”

She took a moment to check him over before nodding. “I think, as the months went on, he started to trust me. During the first few years we worked together he was mostly on ice but, the more Pierce began to develop Project Insight, the longer they allowed him to stay awake. Usually if they were going to keep him off ice though they used the chair to keep him in line. To keep him obedient. I tried to keep him out of it the best I could, but sometimes a few of the doctors would slip behind my back and throw him in anyway just to hear him scream. They were the ones who got the worse punishments. A majority of the time however I was successful in keeping him out of it, which meant that the longer he was out of cryo—“

“The more of his memories were able to heal back.”

“Exactly. At first he didn’t say anything about it for fear of backlash, but that didn’t stop him from talking in his sleep. With other handlers he never trusted them enough to fall into a deep enough REM cycle to dream, but when he started trusting me he allowed himself to actually sleep, and a majority of what he dreamt about involved you. After that, well—didn’t take a genius to put two and two together.”

“Did he—did he ever talk about me?”

“During the last few years we were together, yeah. Enough of his memories had come back that he actually started to remember who he was. I had to fill in a few holes that I learned in history class, but yeah; his favorite stories were from when you were small. Said that was always his favorite version of you.”

Steve felt his cheeks heat up almost instantly. “He was always having to pull me out of fights back then.”

“That was his favorite job outside the docks.”

Almost as soon as the warmth in his chest had formed, it just as quickly dissipated. “When I saw him for the first time again back in DC, he didn’t remember me. I think—I think he started to, but the next time I saw him he had no idea who I was. Like a blank slate.”

“He hadn’t been out of cryo yet when they threw me into that hell hole. They must have put him in as soon as they hauled me off, those assholes,” she snarled. “He must have given away that he remembered you after your encounter or they would have never put him back in that chair. It’s too risky wiping him so close after the last cycle.”

“Did he—before he was wiped again after you were taken, did he know I was alive? That they found me?”

When Rune smiled, he felt his lungs seize. “Yeah. We didn’t have a mission for another few months after I heard the news, but as soon as he was out of cryo and coherent again, I told him everything.”

“What did he say?”

“That you were an idiot for fighting aliens a week after you fucking woke up!” she exclaimed happily, Steve unable to hold back his laughter. “You should have seen the way his face lit up as soon as he saw a picture of present day you. He also teased your pajama suit.”

“Hey, I didn’t have any say in that one! My others were much better,” he grumbled defensively, though couldn’t stop smiling. “God, you have no idea how happy I am to hear that.”

“Glad I could cheer you up somehow, Cap,” she teased. “Now come on, I’ve got security cameras to hack into and you could use some food. I brought snacks just in case this turned into an overnighter.”

Steve didn’t exactly sleep, even despite the fact his entire body felt drained. Rune was able to successfully get into the security feed of the neighboring bunker, giving them a clear view of how many people they were up against. It was more than he’d been hoping for, but not nearly as many as he’s faced in one sitting before. Both of them were able to sleep for a few hours, but neither were out for very long. At around three they finally decided to ditch the effort and start on their plans. While Rune was out programming the jet and loading it with ammunition, Steve was in charge of not only keeping an eye on the security cameras, but setting up the rather large bomb they were going to detonate.

“Do I want to know where you got all of this?”

“No. No you do not,” Rune reassured him. “You about ready to do this? The meeting room looks pretty empty, so I think this is the best time we could ever ask for.”

“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. The jet good to go?”

She waved around the remote in her hand. “Yup! I even added a few packs of C4 on board for a bit more of an explosion when they finally take it down.”

“How are we getting out of this if our jet is blown up, by the way?”

“That is a plan you will hate and we will talk about it when we get out of this alive,” she muttered before beginning to push him towards the secret entrance. “Onward, noble stallion!”

“How did Bucky ever take you seriously?”

“He didn’t. First time I made him laugh was after falling out of a tree during a stakeout. Asshole didn’t stop laughing for almost an hour.”

“Sounds like Buck alright.”

The cabinet leading to the secret tunnel was easy for Steve to move, revealing a medium sized opening that disappeared into the darkness below. Rune led the way, their flashlights dimly illuminating the path in front of them. Just like the map had described, they had to walk for almost a mile and a half before they started to hear the buzz from the other bunker. Steve was almost immediately on edge and, as soon as they saw the door waiting at the end, his mind shifted into mission mode. Rune waited patiently for him to reach the door next to her, both of them giving each other a head nod to make sure they were ready.

Then, she pressed the button on the remote. 

They strained to hear anything coming from above ground, but it wasn’t until they heard the gunfire that they knew their plan was finally starting to unfold. Shouts echoed from behind the cabinet door as agents scrambled for the stairs. “Looks like we got the element of surprise we were going for. You ready to move in?”

“Let’ go.”

That’s all Steve needed to hear before he was shoving his way through, Rune immediately opening fire as soon as he was clear. Only a few agents were able to get themselves together enough to fire back, but Rune was able to clear out the room pretty quickly. As much as Steve wanted to be, he couldn’t be surprised; you needed to be in top shape and skill to be the primary handler for the one-and-only Winter Soldier. While she distracted the straggling few who must have heard the commotion and trickled back down the stairs, he set to work setting up the bomb. After making his way to the center point of the room, he unloaded the device they’d created from the pack on his back and gently eased it to the floor, being sure it was secure before starting the arming process.

“How long, Steve?”

“Give me two minutes, then we’ll have five to get out before this place blows.”

“Roger that, Rogers,” Rune beamed at her own joke, Steve unable to hold back his bark of laughter. “I’ve been waiting all day to say that!”

“You’re ridiculous. Keep an eye on those stairs, would you?” When he realized she had that excited look again, he gave her his sternest Captain America face. “Don’t say it.”

“Spoil spot.”

As he started setting the last fuse he saw Rune make her way over to the far wall on their left. At the sound of a tumbler clicking he remembered the entire reason they were here in the first place: her things. That suddenly had him questioning how Rune had ended up working for HYDRA to begin with, let alone why they’d thrown her into a prison for two years. Was it really just because she wanted to help Bucky get out of that life? Why such dedication to one man? Not that he didn’t know what that felt like. If it meant Bucky would go free forever for the crimes he was forced to commit, he’d turn himself in tomorrow and spend the rest of his life in prison if he had to. It was the least he owed him after everything he’d gone though, and Buck deserved a safe life to wake up to. Even if that meant Steve wasn’t in it.

_Three months, two days, two hours, thirty minutes, and fifty-five seconds—_

“Mother fucker!”

“Rune?”

“He took it. That fucking asshole took it!”

Steve pinched the final fuse between his fingers before turning to face her. “What are you going on about?”

“I had a locket I always wore,” she growled as she dug through a metal basket. “Drake must have pocketed it as soon as he ripped it off of my neck.”

“Is the locket important?”

“The USB we need to get to the files that’ll help Buck is inside of it. Pretty sure the fucker knew it too.”

Anger immediately boiled in Steve’s belly as his eyes narrowed. “Where is he now?”

“He’s here. Saw him on the camera last night so he’s probably up top, but our jet won’t be enough to take him down,” she grumbled. “He needs to be our top priority before we can get out of here.”

“Is five minutes enough time? That’s what we set the detonation timer to.”

“It’ll be enough to find him, but I can’t guarantee how much time we’ll have to get a safe distance away.”

“It’s a risk we’ll have to take.” With that he pressed the detonation button, the five minute counter immediately beginning it’s decent to zero. “Let’s go.”

Rune led the way up the stairs, easily eliminating the threats coming down at them. They passed two smaller floors, neither of them bothering to search the rooms for any stragglers; the bomb would take care of them. When they finally reached the main floor they came face to face with a crowd of HYDRA agents, all armed to the teeth. “Drake’s not here. He must be outside searching the wreckage of our plane.”

He followed her point in time to see the smoke billowing from the main entrance on their right, meaning their jet had met its planned end. Before they could discuss their next move, one of the agents standing up front cleared his throat. “Well, well, well. Is this the famous Captain America, finally out of hiding?”

“I don’t carry the shield anymore.”

“Then that’ll make you even easier to kill.”

Instead of falling to the bait he glanced down at Rune. “What do we do about—“

“Steve, I need you to go outside and find Drake.”

“But, Rune, you’re outnumbered here. You can’t—“

“Now, Steve,” Rune snapped, her eyes never leaving the crowd of HYDRA. “He has dark skin with tacky blonde highlights. Go out and make sure he doesn’t leave alive.”

As much as Steve wanted to argue with her he could tell there wasn’t any point. After casting one last glance at the mob he obediently made his way across the room and out the door. Sure enough, as soon as he stepped outside, he was greeted by the smoldering remains of their jet. Judging by the body count around it though, that extra C4 Rune had added in the cockpit did its job. Just as Steve made to start his search for their targets however, his sensitive ears picked up voices just through the trees. “Find them! Whoever these son of a bitches are, I want them found, and I want them hung from the ceiling!”

“But sir, how do we know they weren’t inside the jet when it crashed?”

“Because that jet was on autopilot. Whoever programmed it is somewhere around here and I—“that’s when the group stepped through the trees, their leader immediately locking onto Steve as soon as they cleared the brush. It didn’t take a genius to figure out this was the guy; those highlighted spikes really were tacky. “Captain America. Why am I not surprised to see you here?”

“What can I say? I was made to snuff out slime like you.”

“Cute,” Drake smirked. “Where’s your partner? You might be good, but not even you could take on an entire base like this on your own.”

“I’m not—“

Suddenly there was gunfire, multiple rounds shooting all at once. Steve’s heart jumped into his throat as he turned back to the doorway of the bunker. Instead of any return fire, or even a further shootout, all that was left was an eerie silence that rang in his ears. What the hell just happened? Just as Steve was about to run back inside however, Rune appeared in the doorway, not a scratch on her. It didn’t even look like she’d removed her pistol from its holster. Before he could ask her what happened however her attention zeroed in on Drake whose face suddenly looked three shades paler.

“Y-you,” his voice shook despite the fury written on his face. “How did you escape your muzzle?”

“I warned you people when you threw me in there that you couldn’t stop me, and that I’d come back for what’s mine.”

“Ah, you mean this?” Drake asked as he reached beneath his shirt to pull out the chain resting beneath. Sure enough, dangling from the end, was a silver locket engraved with a single wing on the front plate. “Was sure to keep this safe while you were gone. It’s what’ll help that mutt of yours, right? The one we threw right back into that brain scrambler as soon as we shipped you off.”

Anger once again boiled in Steve’s stomach when the man smirked viciously, but when he made to charge him Rune caught his arm. “I’d watch your next words _very_ carefully.”

“Or what?” Drake laughed. “You’ll have me—“

“Drop the necklace, Drake.”

Rune’s tone of voice had changed in a way that Steve would never be able to describe. The hair on the back of his neck prickled and even he had the urge to drop something he didn’t possess. Drake’s entire body went taut, his eyes going glassy, and his jaw going slack. Then, to Steve’s surprise, he pulled the necklace from around his throat before letting the chain slip from his fingers. “Yes, подавитель воли.”

“Drake?” one of the lingering men gaped at their leader. “Drake, what are you doing? Kill her!”

“I want all of you—yes, all _five_ of you—to listen very carefully.” Steve watched as the remaining four HYDRA agents went just as rim-rod straight as Drake. “I need you to walk back into the bunker and wait patiently with your fallen comrades, understand? And then you will wait there until further instruction.”

All together they once again chanted, “yes, подавитель воли.”

“Good boys. Now go!”

That’s exactly what they did, too. All five marched their way directly passed them and into the bunker without even a passing glance. “Come on, we’ve got maybe thirty seconds before this place blows.”

“Rune, what—“

“I’ll explain later, ok? But right now we have to get out of here.” He watched her walk over to where Drake had been standing and pick the necklace from the grass. As she looped it over her own head, she turned back to Steve with an impatient look. “Come on!”

With a wordless nod he followed her into the trees, both of them sprinting to get as much distance between them and the coming explosion as they could. They’d just passed the landing pad of the bunker they’d been taking shelter in when they heard the bomb go off, the ground beneath them shaking. Seconds later smoke and fire flashed from their bunker’s opening, the concrete dome crumbling into itself. Neither of them stopped their retreat until they reached the shoreline boarding the other side of the cliffs HYDRA had taken as their own. Almost as soon as they came to a stop, Rune gripping her knees as she attempted to catch her breath, Steve turned on her.

“Explain. _Now_ ,” he ordered. “What the hell just happened back there?”

She didn’t catch his eye for the longest time, but Steve had always been a patient man. Even to a fault. Finally, after a full minute, she straightened back up. “In my defense, I never intended for you to find out like this.”

“And what exactly am I finding out?”

Rune, similar to what she’d done back in Wakanda, let her head fall back with a long sigh as if pleading with the skies again. Finally, obviously accepting her fate, she faced him again. “There was a reason I was picked to be Bucky’s handler, and it wasn’t my good looks and charm. I have a gift. A very convenient gift for people hunting for power like HYDRA.”

“They obeyed every order you gave them without question. Almost like it was against their free will.”

“Because it was,” she explained. “They call me, подавитель воли. Which literally means ‘Will Bender’ in Russian. Unlike you, Wanda, or Pietro though, I was born with this gift.”

“So what, people have to do whatever you say?”

“If I command it, yes.”

“Have you used it on me?”

“No! Of course not. You’d know if I did; people whose wills I bend experience memory loss, or claim to feel like they’ve just woken up from a fog,” she said. “Have you felt that at all since we’ve met?”

“No. But it does explain how you got into Bucky’s chamber without the guards stopping you,” he mumbled. It also explained the prickling feeling of magic he’d felt when Natasha had dropped him and Sam off. Suddenly a sickening feeling washed over him, the anger from earlier returning full force. Before he knew it his hand had folded around her throat, pinning her to the nearest tree. “You used your gift on Bucky!”

“I didn’t!” she squeaked, fingers digging into his arm. “I swear I didn’t.”

“That’s the whole reason HYDRA took you on!”

“But it doesn’t mean I actually used it,” she choked out. “When I made the promise to protect him, it meant even protecting him from myself. He’d had his will stolen from him enough as it was! I refused to do it more.”

“You swear?” he snapped, grip only tightening. “Not once?”

“Not once!”

He stared her down, searching her face for any sign of deception, before giving a sharp nod and finally releasing his hold. Rune sucked in a sharp breath, her hand catching the tree when her knees attempted to buckle. Steve instantly felt bad for his overreaction. “S-sorry. I shouldn’t have—“

“Steve, a girl with manipulative abilities was your best friend’s handler. I expected a worse reaction than that.”

“Like what?”

“Honestly? Figured I’d be dead by now,” she shrugged, scratching at the fresh fingerprints lining her neck now. Steve’s guilt must not have wiped off his face though, Rune gripping his arm with a small smile. “Come on, let’s get out of here and we can talk more about it, ok? We have a boat to catch anyway.”

“Wait, a boat? Why are we getting on a boat?”

“The boat is taking us to the mainland where we are going to borrow another jet, which I do not plan to blow up, and use that to get us to Kodiak, Alaska.”

“Why does ‘borrow’ sound more like we’re stealing it?”

“I am going to kindly ask the owner to borrow it.”

“Using your gift.”

At the disappointed look he was giving her she pouted. “Ok, that face is so not fair! I preferred when you were about to kill me,” she huffed. “Fine, fine! I’ll pay him for it too. Better?”

“Thank you.”

Rune hadn’t been kidding when she said they had a boat to catch. When they reached the ferry docks of Digby, a man was waiting for them. He and Rune spoke for a few minutes before they boarded. It was a two hour boat ride into the St. John’s port, giving Steve at least some time to stop and catch his breath. Today had been a lot to take in. A lot to process. In a way though, it had also been a relief. Despite having the ability to force Bucky to do whatever she wished, she never put that on him. She’d always given him a choice without consequences. Something he probably hadn’t had since he fell off of the train, and didn’t have again until—

_Three months, two days, twenty-one hours, six minutes, and fifty seconds._

“How did you end up joining HYDRA?”

Rune glanced up from where she’d been watching the waves, her head tilting. “You sure you’ve got time for this story?”

“We’ve got time to kill, don’t we?”

Obviously not seeing any room to argue, she nodded. “Well, let’s start off by saying that HYDRA had been planning to get me under their wing for a long time.”

“How long?”

“Pretty much as soon as I was born.”

“How’s that possible?”

“Because SHIELD keeps a very close eye on those with special gifts.”

“SHIELD?”

She nodded ruefully. “When I was six, my parents were killed by a HYDRA agent. I still remember it even now; we were—we were watching a movie in the living room. Labyrinth, I think. Anyway, my dad had gone into the kitchen to get more popcorn when we heard the window break. My dad had barely hit the ground before the man moved into the living room where my mom and I were. He strangled my mom right in front of me, dragged it out so I saw every second of it. Then, when he finally let her slump to the ground at my feet, he said ‘Hail HYDRA’ before slipping back out the window he came.”

Steve swallowed the lump in his throat. “They-they kept you alive.”

“And wanted me to know who to get revenge on. Which is what lead me to joining SHIELD. The Secretary of Defense was the first person I was introduced to and he ended up being involved in not only my recruitment when I was sixteen, but my training.”

“Pierce,” Steve glowered.

“Another one who died too quick.”

“But you were just a kid then.”

“A kid looking for revenge on the people who killed her parents,” she clarified. “To me SHIELD was my solution for that, but I just wished I knew what Alexander had planned.”

“Two days ago you said you’d been sold to HYDRA. Does that mean—“

“Alexander Pierce sold my contract with SHIELD to HYDRA, making it as legal as it could be in their kind of work.”

“Why didn’t you leave?”

“I wanted to. God, I wanted to,” she breathed. Then a smile twitched at her lips. “But then, on my second day of training, I meet the one and only Winter Soldier. He’d just gotten out of cryo when we were introduced, which meant he’d just been in that stupid chair, and he—I’d never seen someone look so broken in my entire life.”

It wasn’t until her hand gripped tight over his that he realized he was white-knuckling the railing to the point it was beginning to bend under the strain. He took the moment to breath but couldn’t resist the urge to turn his hand and grip hers back. “There are people who fight for HYDRA’s cause willingly. People who actually believe that what they’re doing is for the greater good. Buck though—all it took was one introduction and I knew he’d never had a choice in being here. That all he was to them was a weapon, a means to winning their war.”

“So you—that was the day you promised to help him.”

“I made many promises to Buck. Now I’m working every day to keep them. Though, those two years in the pit didn’t help my cause any.”

“Drake said they muzzled you.”

Rune nodded with a hollow laugh. “Can’t let the Will Bender talk her way out of prison, you know?”

He couldn’t help but see the comparisons; soldier and handler both muzzled to keep HYDRA’s secrets. He shuddered against the images of that mask ever falling on Bucky’s face again. “How did you get out?”

“I lucked out,” she said, her free hand rubbing the back of her neck. “The mask never came off the entire time I was there. It was too risky taking it off to feed me, so their solution was a feeding tube. Workers were warned about me, doctors too, so no one ever went near the muzzle. About three weeks ago though, we got a new agent. Some young kid looking to help with the cause, although I doubt he really knew what he was getting into. Anyway, I waited patiently, tried to gain his trust, and then three nights ago I made the jump. Pretended I couldn’t breath and thankfully the kid fell for it.”

“Did you kill him?”

“No. Can’t say the same for everyone else though,” she muttered. “Anyway, as soon as I got a ride out of Greenland, I immediately followed Buck’s trail and well—you know the rest.”

Steve nodded, his thumb brushing her knuckles. “I’m sorry you had to go through that, Rune.”

“He’s worth it.”

“Yeah,” Steve smiled softly.” Yeah, he is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Russian]  
> подавитель воли - will bender


	3. Chapter 3

Despite using her gift to hijack a plane at the local private airport, Rune was true to her word and left money behind to pay for any possible damages. This plane wasn’t as advanced as a SHIELD or HYDRA jet would be, but it was kind of nice riding in a normal every day machine. The flight to Alaska was abnormally long, forcing them to refuel at another private port in Neuhorst. Where she once again used her gift to kindly ask the owner for a tank of gas, no questions asked, though she did promise to pay for this as well.

“I’m only paying because I can literally feel your Captain America persona judging me.”

Steve couldn’t help his grin. “Well, I’m glad I can somewhat keep you out of trouble.”

“I mean, seriously! How do people handle that disappointed gaze? It sucks.”

“I’ve had years of practice, trust me.”

“Those damn puppy dog eyes of yours don’t help my cause either….”

“Wanda thinks they’re cute,” he defended. “Speaking of Wanda, how do you know her exactly?”

Rune scratched at the back of her head as she watched the nice owner hook up the gas hose to their plane. “Like I said before, Bucky was in cryo a lot, leaving HYDRA to toss me wherever they pleased in the meantime. I met Pietro and Wanda the day they volunteered for Strucker’s experiments.”

“You didn’t—“

“No, I never used my gift on either of them. I just so happened to speak Serbian so I was ordered to judge and help train; that was it,” she explained. “I was only there for a short time though, maybe a month at most, but I grew kind of close with Wanda. I guess I just felt—I don’t know—bad for them.”

“Why?”

“Because their anger was misplaced. They were putting themselves through this agony and torture just to get back at someone who had no idea he’d put them in danger,” she frowned. “Sure, Stark helped invent the weapons that almost killed them, but it was a trusted business partner who sold it to the ones who attacked them. I just—I hate seeing people get blamed for stuff that wasn’t their fault, directly or not.”

“Yeah,” Steve swallowed thickly at the mention of Stark’s name. “Yeah, I get that.”

“Have you spoken to him since, you know, the whole Civil War thing happened?”

“No, but I tried. Communication is risky considering everything that happened, so I wrote him a letter and left him a burner phone in case he ever needed me. I know—I know it won’t make up for everything that happened, but I hoped—“

When Steve’s throat went tight, Rune gripped his shoulder. “You don’t need to explain it to me, Steve. You were trying to protect your friend, but in the process another friend was hurt. I just don’t think Tony understood the situation properly.”

“What do you mean?”

She turned to him with her warmest smile. “He doesn’t understand how much Bucky actually means to you.”

He gaped at her, shoulders going stiff beneath her grip. “You—that’s not—he—“

“All finished,” the owner suddenly called as he approached them. His eyes were still glossy, meaning Rune’s power was still in full effect. “This fuel up should just get you two to Kodiak.”

“Thank you, Jefferson,” Rune said as she handed him a wad of money. “Why don’t you go get yourself some lunch?”

“Why thank you! That’s kind of you. You have a safe travel now, yeah?”

They waved him off, both of them watching until he disappeared into the main office. “Welp, you up for the second half? Or do you want to eat something first? You are a super-soldier after all.”

“Nah,” he shook his head. “I’d rather get to Kodiak as soon as we can.”

“Good choice. It’ll be too dark to do anything once we land though, so I figured we could bunk up in the motel in town. It’s a shithole, but we’ve got stuff to prepare anyway before—“

Something collided roughly with the back of Rune, the force sending her slamming into the asphalt. “Rune!”

She rolled a few times before managing to tumble back to her feet again, immediately crouching into a defensive position. Steve made a move to help her, only for another figure to step directly in front of him. “Stay there, Steve.”

“Natasha?” he blinked. “What are you doing here?”

Natasha ignored him as she proceeded to rush Rune who quickly began to block her swings. Their fighting styles were similar which meant Natasha couldn’t get herself enough momentum to perform her usual moves. It was almost like Rune knew exactly what was coming, like she’d seen Natasha fight before. Realizing he couldn’t intervene without getting a kick to the face, he cupped his hands around his mouth instead. “Natasha, stop!”

Rune was the one who responded. She managed to get a kick into Natasha’s gut and as soon as they were separated she took a large leap back. Natasha resumed her previous position in front of Steve then, arms protectively raised. “Don’t make another move.”

“What the hell is your problem?” Rune demanded, rolling her skinned shoulder, a cherry blossoming on her cheek.

“I should be asking you that,” Natasha snapped. She didn’t look any better if her split lip and torn t-shirt said anything; if Steve looked close enough he swore it was one of his old SSR ones. “Did you really think you could just work your magic on Steve and get away with it?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You don’t recognize me, do you?” she grumbled impatiently. “Think back long and hard, подавитель воли.”

Rune’s brows furrowed in deepening confusion until suddenly her eyes lit up. “Spiderling.”

“Wait, you two have met before?” Steve questioned. “How?”

“Break it,” Natasha ordered instead. “Just let him go, and this won’t have to get deadly.”

“What the hell are you going on about? Do you— _oh my God_ , you think I tranced him!” Rune threw her hands up. “Give me some benefit of the doubt here, Natalia.”

Natasha gave her another shady look before turning fully to Steve and taking his face roughly between her hands. She twisted and turned his head to multiple angles, eyes squinting as she glanced him over. “Have you had any memory lapses?”

Steve rolled his eyes before jerking free of her grasp. “She didn’t kidnap me, Natasha. And the only people she’s tranced were a couple of HYDRA agents. That’s it.”

“Is that true?”

“Yes, it’s true. I made the same promise to him I did to you. And I always kept it, didn’t I?”

He could tell it was taking a lot of effort for Natasha to nod, her jaw clenched so tight he was sure her teeth were grinding. “Yes.”

“Good, glad we’re on the same page then!” The smile however almost immediately melted off. “Now, if you don’t mind, Steve and I have things to take care of. We’ve been out in the open too long anyway.”

“I’m coming with you.”

“The hell you are!”

“I don’t know what kind of mission you’ve dragged him onto, but I’m in this now,” Natasha literally put her foot down. “Even if you try to ditch me here, I already know where you’re headed, and we both know I’m great at stalking people.”

Rune looked like she was ready to blow; her cheeks were dusted an angry pink, her nails biting crescent moons into her palms as the two women stared each other down, though Steve knew Natasha had already won. Sure enough, after a few long seconds, she threw her hands up with an annoyed huff. “Fine, fine! But you’re not piloting the plane. Last thing I need is you trying to fly us back to Wakanda.”

“You can’t fly planes worth shit, though.”

“Nope, you’re not winning this one.”

Steve glanced between the two women, barely biting back a grin when Rune stormed off to the plane. “So, how do you two know each other exactly?”

“Don’t ask, Steve,” Natasha sighed. “You really don’t want to know.”

Rune was able to land the plane in an isolated area hidden from the public. If they were going to use it as an escape tomorrow, they didn’t need the cops hauling it off for being technically stolen. It was a bit of a walk through the ice and snow to get into town, but thankfully they’d been prepared for that, all of them bundled up to their eyebrows. After signing in for one room, Natasha refusing to let either of them out of her sight, they unloaded their bags and set to work. As they began to go over the blueprints of the base they were about to hit, Natasha attempting to hack into their security footage through the crappy signal they were getting, Steve’s stomach rumbled. Loudly.

“My God, how do you keep him fed?” Rune teased.

“We buy elephant sized bags of food,” Natasha shrugged. “Works out pretty well.”

“Ha-ha,” Steve snorted before making his way over to their bags. As he began to rummage through them however, he found all absent of snacks. “Um. Did you forget to put our food in here?”

“Shit,” she flinched. “That would be the box I left in the co-pilot seat. I can go—“

“No, it’s ok. There’s a market down the road. I think they still might be open.”

“Bring me a sandwich!” Natasha called as he buried himself back beneath his jacket and hat. “No mayonnaise.”

“Got it. I’ll bring back whatever they got.”

“Just try and stay out of sight, ok? We are technically back in the states and I really don’t want to have to break you out of jail tonight.”

“I won’t take the hat off! Promise!”

With that he tromped out into the snow. Thankfully it wasn’t stormy outside, the moon hovering just above him as he made his way down the street. The market wasn’t too far; he’d made it about half a mile before the windows came into view. It was open as he pushed his way through the door, the woman at the register smiling brightly at him. “How can I help you?”

“Hello,” Steve greeted brightly. “I just need three sandwiches please. Whatever you’ve got, just no mayonnaise, please.”

“Any drink?”

“Waters, if you have them.”

There was a family in the back of the shop, the TV just high enough for Steve to hear without needing his sensitivity. One of the little kids was drawing, the scritching sound of pencil against paper almost relaxing to hear. Steve missed drawing. The only reason he picked up a pen anymore was to fill out paperwork or sign autographs. God, he used to spend hours, even days, just drawing in his sketchbooks. He’d find a nice corner of the room and just—let go. Nothing could bring him down when he drew, and it was almost like time didn’t exist. Bucky never bothered him during these times, and only interrupted to forced food down his throat. Sometimes he’d get a book to read and join Steve on the couch though, or he’d curl up on the floor by the window next to him and nap in the summer sun. Those were the easy days. The days when the only thing they had to worry about was keeping a roof over their heads and food in their belly. Where had those time gone?

_Seventy-five years, ten months, seven days, twenty hours, three minutes, and thirty seconds._

“Excuse me?”

Steve sharply dropped back to reality, his eyes blinking quickly to stave off the rush. “Hm?”

“Your order,” she laughed softly. “That’ll be $12.50, please.”

“Oh. R-right. Sorry.” 

He slid a twenty onto the table, insisting she keep the change, before he grabbed the bag from her and headed out the door. The cold Alaskan air hit his face instantly, thankfully beginning to cool the heat in his face. Tomorrow was another step towards getting that time back though. That base held the key to finally waking Buck up. Just the thought of finally having him back in his life, for good this time, made Steve’s stomach bubble with warmth. As he made his way across the parking lot towards their room, his ears perked at the sound of shouting, the voices easily recognizable as Natasha and Rune’s. Were they going to argue the rest of this mission? Just as he made to barge in and break them up however, he hesitated, his ears picking up on what they were talking about too easily.

“Are you serious?”

“I thought you were the one who said you wouldn’t lie to him.”

“I haven’t, Natalia! But I’m not going to give him details he doesn’t need to hear. He carries enough unwarranted guilt as it is.”

Steve wanted to be offended by that, he really did, but it was true. “It’s kind of a big deal, you know.”

“The fuck it is, and you know it.”

“Could be important to this road of fulfillment you’re suddenly on.”

“Wait a minute. Are you seriously giving me shit right now about not telling Steve I was in cryo?” Rune let out a shrill laugh. Steve felt his heart sputter in his chest, his hands almost losing their grip on the bag; Rune had been in cryo too? ”I know for a _fact_ you haven’t been exactly truthful to Steve either.”

“Truthful about what exactly?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe about the fact you and Bucky were fuck buddies back in the Red Room days?”

Steve froze, that warmth from earlier freezing in his stomach and spreading through his body like painful spikes. The sound of rushing water flooding his ears, his fingers iron tight around the bag now as he fought the tremor attempting to rip through his body. Natasha and Bucky? All along? Natasha had visited Bucky’s chamber every time she’d visited Wakanda, but Steve never knew what she did inside. Turns out she was a warrior waiting for her partner to wake. Two lost souls separated by blood and steel finally reunited after sleeping in ice. That wasn’t Steve and Bucky, of course it wasn’t. It never would have been, not if Bucky had someone like Natasha waiting for him when he woke up. Gorgeous, deadly, perfect Natasha. God, how could he have been such a naïve idiot? He actually let himself think that maybe—just _maybe_ —but no. 

There would never come a day that Bucky Barnes could ever love Steve Rogers.

Suddenly realizing he couldn’t breathe, his eyes burning, Steve let the bag drop from his hands before turning and walking away. His mind was buzzing with too many unwanted images and thoughts that were piercing painfully through his skull, mocking him as they passed. He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, but instead he just ran. Everything burned against the cold air but he didn’t care. He needed to get away from here.

“Steve!”

He kept running. Both women were calling his name but he tuned them out, letting their voices fall behind as he sped up, the wind drowning them out. He was too fast for them to catch so he pushed everything he had left into himself, ignoring the tracks running down his cheeks. He couldn’t do this anymore, he just couldn’t. Why had he woken up? Why couldn’t they have just left him in the ice? He didn’t belong here. A man behind his time. A man who bled on everything and everyone he touched.

He just wanted to go _home_.

Steve wasn’t sure how far he’d run before his legs finally buckled, the forced sending him rolling painfully through the frozen brush and snow. When he finally came to a rest he could vaguely make out that he was pressed against a cliff side, his cheek buried in ice. Part of him wanted to get back up, but his body had given up the fight. Any energy he’d had was gone, his eyes drooping shut against the darkness of the night. Maybe a storm would blow through and encase him. The world would be at peace with Captain America back on ice. Steve sure as hell would be. As the buzzing in his head began to fade, exhaustion seeping through his skin and down into his bones, his eyes flittered mercifully closed and he finally let himself succumb.

“Steve?”

The voice sounded far away, like someone was calling to him from down a tunnel. Steve attempted to turn away from it, though his body put up a fight. He was too tired to even think about responding.

“дерьмо! What do we do? We can’t carry him.”

“You won’t like what I’m about to do, but we don’t have any other choice.”

“What are you doing?” Natasha’s voice was just barely a whisper. “Rune?”

Small fingers gently pulled through his hair then, almost instantly lulling him back to sleep. “Спи, капитан.”

So Steve did.

It’d been so long since Steve’d had a peaceful sleep. For once there were no nightmares, just calm quiet that he relished in. When he finally got himself to pull back to consciousness, it took him a few minutes before he was able to pry his eyes open. He was back in the motel room, an old comforter tangled around him where he’d been tucked away in one of the beds. Someone was sitting beside him and, when he managed to move his head, he found Rune’s worried face. “Hey,” she offered a smile. “You doin’ alright?”

Shame washed over him when he realized why exactly he was warm and comfy in this bed. “How long was I out?”

“About twenty-six hours,” she glanced up at the clock. “Probably the longest you’ve slept straight since you were 90lbs soaking wet.”

“Sorry,” Steve frowned. “I shouldn’t have—“

“Steve, stop. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine and Talia’s. We shouldn’t have been talking about private shit like that when we knew there was a chance you were comin’ back.”

That ache in his chest returned full force but he did his best to ignore it. “Doesn’t mean I had reason to act the way I did,” he mumbled. “Where is she?”

“Planting a signal so we can get better access to the base’s equipment. We still have security cameras to hack into and alarms we’ll end up needing to cut.”

“Good. That’s—good.” He went quiet for a bit, his fingers digging into his ribs for a distraction. They were twitching to punch something but, considering they hadn’t seen anything worthy of a punching bag, he had to find some other way to stop the twitch in his hands. Finally, unable to stop the urge, he turned his attention back up to the ceiling. “Were they—were Buck and Natasha really—“

When he couldn’t find the effort to finish, he grit his teeth against the wandering images instead. “I’m not sure I’m the one you should be asking. Natasha might—“

“Please, Rune, I don’t need details or anything, but I can’t—“

“Ok, ok,” Rune hushed at the whine catching in Steve’s throat. She slid over from the chair to sit on the bed next to his hip, her hands fiddling with the comforter. “I was there with Buck when he was loaned out to those Red Room assholes.”

“You said you’d been put into cryo before.”

“I’m getting to that. Patience there, cap,” she attempted a chuckle despite the fact her hands had tightened in the sheets. “We were both trainers. Buck was their physical combat and weaponry teacher and I was the one who dug into their mind. Showed them how easily their will could be bent. Natalia—sorry, Natasha, was the top student there at the time. Smart, deadly, quick on her feet. She was everything they’d sculpted her to be, if not more. Anyway, about two months after our loan date, I started noticing Buck’s disappearances. I’m his handler, it’s my job to keep an eye on him, especially after I’d find his bed more empty than actually slept in. Eventually I started piecing together Natalia’s disappearances too and—well, even if I hadn’t accidentally witnessed it for myself, it didn’t take a genius to figure out what they were doing.”

“Oh,” Steve felt his heart crack that much more but he still did his damndest to force a smile. “I’m glad they had each other.”

“I don’t think—again, I can’t speak for them, but I don’t think it was love. What they had in each other was shelter and protection, an emotional connection I don’t think either of them had experienced in a long time. It was a relationship that began with an expiration date though, and they both knew that; they weren’t each other’s forever. They were each other’s window to their thinning humanity.” 

Rune took a moment, her teeth biting sharply into her bottom lip as she obviously contemplated how to proceed from there. Steve couldn’t find the energy to urge her to continue; he was already numb enough as it was. “The leaders caught on to what was happening. I overheard them talking in the common room about what to do about the situation, and I just knew Natalia was in danger. So, Bucky and I snuck her out that night and helped her escape.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, you two were the ones who got her out of the hands of the Red Room?”

“Doesn’t mean it did her any good. I heard rumors about the companies she’s worked for, and they weren’t much better,” she sighed. “When Buck and I were found out though, and they realized their prized spider was gone, we were sent back to HYDRA pretty much in body bags. Worth the broken bones and bruises though.”

“What happened then?”

“They couldn’t kill us. We were two important pieces of their little puzzle and they couldn’t afford to get rid of us. So, they put us in cryo instead. _Both_ of us.”

“Why?”

“HYDRA leaders weren’t any closer to their plan being complete, and they were worried something would happen to me in the meantime. So, from then on, when the soldier slept, I usually slept too. They’d wake me up when they needed my gift, but I pretty much slept on and off for ten years. Then, when Project Insight started coming together, they began waking us both up. Wasn’t long after that I started my plan to get Bucky out.”

“Rune,” Steve swallowed thickly. “How long were you Bucky’s handler for?”

“Counting cryo time? Twenty-three years, though Buck was mostly asleep for the first three. My forty-first birthday would have been last month, actually.”

“Jesus.”

That’s when the door opened, snow billowing in behind Natasha despite how quickly she attempted to slam the door back behind her. “Fuck, this storm better lighten up, or I swear—“when she spotted Steve, her brows rose. “You’re awake.”

“Woke up a few minutes ago.”

That’s when an expression Steve had never seen cross her face before appeared; _guilt_. “Steve,” she said, fingers twisting nervously as she slowly approached him. “I need to explain—“

“It’s ok, Tasha,” Steve shrugged as he finally managed to push himself into a sitting position. “You don’t owe me anything. I acted childishly and I’m sorry.”

“You had every right to. I should have come clean as soon as I found out that the soldier was Barnes, but I just—you’re my friend. I don’t have many of those that I trust and I couldn’t lose you. Not after everything we’ve been through,” she said almost desperately. “You have to understand that what he and I had wasn’t permanent. We knew we’d never be more than what we were, and we were fine with that. His heart already belonged to someone else and I accepted that.”

Steve blinked dumbly. “Wait, what?”

“That was the first thing he said to me when I tried to kiss him that first time. He couldn’t remember who they were, but he knew his heart wasn’t his anymore.”

Bucky loved someone? But who? He always told him about the dames he went out with, but he’d never said anything about this to Steve. Who was she? Had they met during the war? Before? During his time with HYDRA? Great. He was learning all kinds of fucking heartbreaking things today, wasn’t he? Instead of responding he went silent, choosing to wallow in his own depressive thoughts instead.

“Oh yeah, that reminds me.”

Then, Rune punched him. He yelped at the sudden strike, his hand instinctively covering his shoulder as he stared at her. “What was that for?”

“You made me break my promise!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You weigh the same amount as three elephants, Rogers,” Natasha quipped. “As strong as Rune and I are, do you really think we could have dragged your ass a mile back through the snow?”

“So how exactly did you get me back?”

Rune crossed her arms irritably. “You might have been asleep, but your subconscious can still control your will. After I put you to sleep, I used your dreamlike state to get you up and walking back to the motel on your own.”

“Really?”

He wanted to express how cool yet creepy that must have been, but by her unamused look, that was not the appropriate response. “It was awful. I felt like the fucking puppeteer to Captain America!”

“I pretended to use you as a marionette from the trees,” Natasha smirked.

Steve gaped at her. “Rude!”

She merely shrugged. “Rune wouldn’t video tape it for me so I have nothing to send to Clint now. He still laughed when I texted him about it though.”

“Ok, ok, I get it. No more running off into the snow.”

“Good boy,” Rune pat his head. “Were you able to get the signal up, Talia?”

Natasha nodded as she wandered over to open the laptop they had set up at the table. She pressed a few keys before turning the screen to face them with a victorious grin. “We are officially in the HYDRA bunker’s security.”

“Good girl. Now, shall we go over tomorrow’s plans? We start bright and early!”

“Yeah, now that sleeping beauty’s gotten her rest.”

Steve couldn’t even be irritated. The awkward tension from earlier was gone and he’d take their usual banter any day. “You’re hilarious, aren’t you?”

This was it.

_Three months, four days, fourteen hours, fifty minutes, fifty-two seconds._

This was the day Steve’d been waiting for ever since Bucky went under. 

_Three months, four days, fourteen hours, fifty-one minutes, two seconds._

They were currently surveying the main entrance of the bunker, both he and Natasha waiting for Rune’s signal. They spent all night going over every detail of their plan and he was confident everything was going to go over smoothly. There were three floors all together, similar to the last bunker Rune and he had hit earlier in the week. First they’d eliminate all the agents on the first floor then, once the threat had lessened, Steve and Rune would move on to the next floor leaving Natasha to deal with the stragglers. The second floor wasn’t much more than bedrooms and storage so they weren’t too concerned with any overwhelming numbers there. It was the third floor they’d have to worry about. There were a lot of expensive equipment stashed down there and, though they didn’t really know exactly what it held, the agents weren’t going to make it easy to get to.

“You guys ready?”

Steve pressed the com in his hear after getting a head nod from Natasha. “We’re clear here. Ready when you are.”

Rune was the first to move, her rifle firing twice and taking out the two guards standing around the entrance. “Nice shot.”

“I did work with the world’s best sniper,” she reminded them as she hopped from the tree she’d taken shelter in, all three of them immediately racing for the main doors. “Remember, they’re going to be in a frenzy.”

“Pssh, this is child’s play.”

“Ok, spiderling. Let’s not go jinxing us over there,” Rune laughed. “Come on, let’s show them a real party.”

As soon as Natasha broke through the code lock Steve pulled the doors open. Inside they were greeted by a crowd of HYDRA, each of them armed and at the ready. As the leader made to start the usual ‘bad guy speech’ however, he spotted Rune and immediately opened fire on them. The trio sharply rolled to shelter, Natasha shooting her a glare. “Does everyone know who you are?”

“Supposedly Pierce used my name as a threat wherever he could,” she explained as she readied her pistols. “I guess it actually worked.”

“Can we please get back to our mission here!?” Steve hollered.

With the addition of Natasha they made quick work of the team working the first floor. As soon as she gave them the go-ahead to move on, Steve and Rune made their way for the stairs. There were only a couple of people on the second floor, but they obediently followed Rune’s word when she ordered them to return to their rooms. The flow of agents however trickled to a stop when they reached the third floor’s entrance. When they stepped off of the last step, Steve realized he was face to face with an elevator. “This wasn’t in the plans.”

Rune ignored him as she punched a long code into the keypad next to it, her hand pressing into the palm screen just above it. When the metal doors creaked open she immediately stepped inside. “Let’s go, Steve.”

Despite his apprehension, he followed her into the lift, the elevator descending as soon as the doors clicked shut. It felt like they’d sunk for miles by the time it finally came to rest, the doors pinging open and leading them out into the third floor.

An abandoned floor.

Steve lowered his weapon in confusion. “Rune, there’s no one here. I thought you said—“

“The computer is in here,” Rune coaxed instead, the lights clicking on the further she entered the room. “Come on!”

His unease prickled as he walked into the room, his grip secure in his pistol just in case. There was something wrong here but he couldn’t put his finger on it. Rune was already at the computer by the time he caught up, her fingers flying across the keyboard as multiple windows and files appeared on the screen. “What are we looking for exactly?”

“I had to bury his files in an encrypted folder just in case someone ever found this place.”

“You said you were the only one left alive who could crack it.”

“I am, I made sure of that, but it doesn’t mean others wouldn’t have tried.”

Steve tried to follow everything she was doing, but considering most of it was written and coded in Russian, he was lost almost instantly. The boxes flashed before his eyes until suddenly a single empty bar with multiple words lining the top appeared. Rune immediately reached for the locket tucked beneath her jacket collar. After pulling it from over her head she kissed it, her eyes closing briefly, before opening it and plugging it into the waiting port. As soon as it registered the drive the bar blinked multiple times, another Russian phrase flashing across it before disappearing. Then, Bucky’s face appeared. Steve’s heart lurched as he watched the information files stack together before they were sucked down into the icon that represented her USB.

“Steve?”

He managed to pull his eyes away from the computer to look at her. “Yeah?”

“You’ll take care of him, right?” she asked, her voice cracking. “When he finally wakes up, you’ll take care of him. Promise me.”

“Of-of course I promise,” his brows furrowed. “Rune, what’s going on?”

As if to answer his question another screen appeared between them, her left hand pressing against it without hesitation. It scanned her palm, the print appearing on the screen, before a large green check mark appeared with the words he could only assume meant ‘download complete’. She then took the USB from the port but instead of returning it to its place around her neck, she thrust it into Steve’s chest. “Take this.”

Steve stared at it before shifting his gaze to where her hand was still planted firmly against the palm scanner. “No,” his eyes narrowed. “Something’s going on here. What aren’t you telling me?”

Instead of her impatient demands or even an attempt to crack a joke to dodge the subject, she laughed shrilly. “As soon as I move my hand from this scanner, this entire place is going to blow.”

His insides dropped into his boots. “Wh-what? What are you talking about?”

Rune smiled softly at the USB in her hand. “Buck’s files were never meant to leave this room. Pierce wanted to make sure his power over him stayed the rest of his life, even if there came a day HYDRA fell. I was there when he added the detonator. Even if your print is in the system, even if Pierce himself tried to take the files, nobody could leave this room alive. Worst part was, there was no getting around it. I researched every possible code, every possible hack I could use to get around the trap, but it’s impossible. Worse than that, the men who created it were executed as soon as the program was set. So, since I couldn’t get through like I’d originally hoped, I started my own plan. Ending with you.”

“M-me?” Steve’s voice shook, shock paralyzing his whole system. “Why me?”

“I killed everyone whose prints had been saved in this computer. I couldn’t risk anyone coming in all kamikaze and destroying the place before I could get to it. So, the times I was out of cryo and Buck was still asleep, I visited every single one of them and made sure they didn’t live to see the next day. You guys were the one who helped me cut off the final head.”

“You mean Pierce.”

“Couldn’t quite kill him while I was muzzled up in a hole, you know?” she laughed, the hollow sound rattling his bones. “Anyway, even if I got out and was able to get here in one piece with the USB, I needed someone I could trust to get the files safely back to wherever Bucky was. And you were the only one who fit that bill, Steve.”

“So-so you knew from the beginning, from that first night in Wakanda, that you were going to die?” When Rune nodded, the back of his eyes began to prickle and his throat knotted. “Rune, you can’t—you can’t die.”

“I accepted my fate a long time ago. All that matters now is you getting that file to the people in Wakanda. To the people that can help him.”

“But he needs you.”

“No. If he needs anyone, it’s _you_.”

“I’m not leaving you here. There has to be some other way.”

“Trust me, I’ve tried finding it, but this is the only way to make all of this work,” she explained ruefully. “You have to go, Steve. Get Natasha and get out of here. Please, I’m begging you.”

“Rune—“

“Don’t make me break my promise again.”

Tears were trickling down both of their cheeks now. As much as Steve wanted to keep arguing, he knew when he was beat. Even if he tried to stand his ground, Rune had the advantage here. She always did. Instead of screaming and pleading and stomping his feet like he desperately wanted to, he gently reached forward to cup her cheek and kiss her forehead. “I’ll never be able to thank you enough for this, Rune.”

“Take care of him,” Rune pleaded through a soft sob. “Tell him I kept my promise, ok? You tell him I kept it.”

“I’ll tell him,” he whispered as her hand gripped his tactical suit. They stood like that for a few agonizing seconds before Steve finally stepped away. “Good-bye, Rune.”

“Good-bye, Steve.”

With that final look he turned his back to her and made his way back to the elevator. Tears streamed down his face as she gave him one last smile and wave, leaving him with that final image as the doors closed between them. Steve hooked the locket around his neck, tucking it safely beneath his collar and out of sight. As soon as the doors opened again he took off into a full sprint up the stairs, not bothering to kill the agents attempting to stop him. When he reached the top floor he spotted Natasha shooting survivors from the main entrance. Her usual amusement dropped however as soon as she saw his face. “Steve? What’s going on? Where’s Rune?”

“We need to go, now.”

She didn’t fight him when he pulled her along behind him, but it didn’t stop her questions. “What the hell happened? Where is Rune?”

“She’s staying behind,” he grit out. “It’s-it’s the only way we’re getting out of here alive.”

Thankfully Natasha didn’t press him further, simply following silently behind him as they ran as fast and as far as they could. When the jet finally came into view however, an explosion rattled the ground beneath them, both of them turning to see the inferno unfurling through the sky. “So it’s true then,” Natasha whispered. “She—she’s gone.”

“Pierce, he set up an unbreakable security virus that was intended to keep anyone from leaving with Buck’s files.”

“So she stayed behind so we could get out,” she pieced together. “Fuck. I didn’t—Jesus, I had no idea.”

“Neither did I,” he swallowed thickly. After taking a second too long to watch the billowing smoke, Steve grasped her arm. “Come on. We need—we need to get back.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

The trip back to Wakanda was spent mostly in silence, neither of them really sure what to say. They managed to get the plane back to the airport they’d borrowed it from. From there they used a bigger plane to get from Canada to Spain before hijacking another to get back to Wakanda. As soon as they landed they had a party waiting for them, Wanda immediately taking them both into her arms. “You had us worried sick! Don’t you dare do that again!” she scolded.

“Sorry, Wanda. I wouldn’t have left if it wasn’t important.”

“Well?” Sam demanded as he stepped up next, his arms crossed with an annoyed huff. “Was this super-fucking-secret mission worth it?”

Steve swallowed as he clutched at the locket beneath his shirt, Natasha squeezing his shoulder. “I hope so.”

When he realized the king was standing quietly in the back, merely observing, he quickly approached him. “Your highness—“

“Rogers, for the eightieth time, please call me T’Challa.”

“Right, sorry, T’Challa,” he flustered, quickly scrabbling to get the locket off of his head without damaging it. “I’d like for your scientists to look at this, please.”

T’Challa raised his brow as he took the necklace in hand. “They should look at a piece of jewlery?”

“It’s a USB file,” Natasha bit back a smile. “It holds the key to fixing Barnes.”

Everyone fell silent, T’Challa’s eyes going comically wide. “You found it? The way to break through HYDRA’s walls?” When Steve nodded, T’Challa gently folded it into his palm. “I will bring it to the laboratory immediately.”

“Thank you.”

“How did you find it?” Sam asked as they watched the king walk swiftly back into the palace, Aneka at his side. “Does this have to do with that girl you went with?”

“Her name was Rune.”

“Was?”

“Come on,” Natasha answered instead. “We’ll explain everything inside.”

They settled with Steve in his room, his body exhausted by the time he was finally able to shower and sit down. Natasha planted herself in the chair next to him while both Wanda and Sam settled across the table. “Start from what happened in the cryo room,” Wanda suggested.

“You mean before or after the ransom video?” Sam snorted, wincing when Wanda slapped him in the shoulder. “Sorry. Please, continue.”

“Her name was Rune, and she’d been Bucky’s handler for twenty-three years.”

“Are you serious? And you left with her?”

“Sit down, Sam,” Natasha warned when Sam shot to his feet. “There’s more to this.”

Sam glanced them over with a squint before giving in. When he was finally seated again, Steve took that as his que to continue. “Her family had been killed by HYDRA when she was little, which is what lead her to working for SHIELD. Turns how that’s what Pierce had hoped for all along.”

“Pierce? What does he have to do with this?”

“Rune had a special gift and Pierced wanted it for HYDRA’s gain,” Natasha explained. “So, as soon as she joined SHIELD, it gave him the chance to trade her under the table to HYDRA.”

“That’s where she ended up being assigned as Bucky’s primary handler.”

“If she was his handler, where has she been all this time?”

“After—well, after certain events that happened, Rune started to work on a way to get Bucky out,” Steve mumbled. “Pierce found out she was up to something though and had her thrown into a prison in Greenland. I think he was afraid she wouldn’t have stopped Bucky if he remembered me. That she’d have helped him escape.”

“So, after two years of being locked up, she wanted to execute the plan still? How did she know he was even alive?”

“She didn’t. She just hoped he was. When she found him here she knew he’d at least be in a safe spot while we hunted down the files she’d locked away.”

“But, мојa месец, she’s not here. Did something happen?”

Steve flinched, Natasha’s hand gripping his wrist tightly between her fingers. “Pierce never wanted Bucky to get fixed. He wanted to make sure his hold always stayed with him for the rest of his life.”

“Then why not just get rid of them?”

“I think he used them as a taunt more than anything. To prove to them there was a way to gain his freedom, but that they’d never be able to reach it.”

“And that meant adding a fail safe,” Steve finally found his voice. “As soon as anyone accessed them, a bomb would be detonated, and the entire bunker destroyed.”

“What?!?”

“Rune knew from the moment we left Wakanda that we were marching to her death. She’d planned from the beginning that she was going to die, she just needed someone she could trust to be there in the end so the files could get back here safely.”

Tears filled Wanda’s eyes as her head dropped, Sam’s jaw gaping. “So she’s—she’s just gone?”

“She promised Bucky she’d save him, and this was the only way she could see to that happening.”

The room went silent again, all of them letting the information soak in. Steve was still in disbelief it’d happened at all; after only a week of fighting together, travelling together, and getting to know each other, Rune was dead. After everything she’d gone through she deserved a better ending than that.

A knock at the door snapped him from his thoughts. Wanda was the one who opened it to reveal T’Challa standing in the hallway. “T’Challa? I’m surprised to see you here.”

“I have news, actually. May I come in?”

“Yes, of course.”

Wanda stepped aside to let him pass, Sam and Natasha standing behind Steve as he entered. “Is everything ok?”

“Our specialists have looked over the files you returned with. It took a bit of translation considering a lot of it was in both Russian and German. Mr. Barnes seems to have been passed down through many hands,” he grumbled. “But, we were still able to make sense of it all, and I’ve come with good news.”

Steve’s heart sputtered as he perked up. “A-and what’s that?”

“Mr. Rogers, I believe it’s time we finally woke your friend up and told him the good news,” T’Challa grinned. “It’s time to bring HYDRA’s wall down.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Russian]  
> подавитель воли – will bender  
> Дерьмо – shit  
> Спи, капитан – dream, Captain
> 
> [Serbian]  
> мојa месец – my moon


	4. Chapter 4

It’d been forty-eight hours since he and Natasha returned with the files Rune had extracted. The scientists and researchers wanted to make triple sure they knew what their next steps were going to be before waking him up, and that could take more time than Steve could handle. The process involved a lot of reworking the nerves and memories that existed in his brain, most of the focus centered in the frontal lobe. HYDRA’s ‘firewall’ was left up to Wanda who, as soon as the researchers were able to weaken it, was in charge of wiping it out completely. It wasn’t going to be easy, but they were confident they could do it.

To waste time, and to keep Steve from pacing a hole into the floor, Natasha, Sam, and he returned to the bunker in Alaska to sift through the rubble. There were a few stragglers that had survived the blast, but none of them were Rune. From where she was at the base of the bunker, and mostly likely the center point of the explosion, there was no way she could have survived. Steve had still let himself hope though.

“The bomb took this whole place down, huh?” Sam asked as he kicked at a piece of concrete slab. Not even the main entrance had held up against the blast. “I guess Pierce really never wanted those files to get out, especially if he was willing to risk an entire HYDRA base full of his men.”

“HYDRA is loyal to a fault,” Natasha explained. “The higher ups feel they don’t owe anything to anyone, where their minions would break their backs just for what they think is ‘the cause’.”

“So it’s blind loyalty.”

“Basically.”

“Nice to know not all of them were so loyal.”

“I wonder why he picked this bunker as his safe hideout?” Steve questioned. “I mean, I get it’s Alaska, but it’s not all that far from the village.”

“Could have some kind of importance to them. To Bucky, or to Rune,” Sam shrugged. “They did a damn good job at hiding it though. I mean, not even the original blueprints show it has a third floor.”

“Rune redid the ones I swiped, but I think she purposefully removed the indication there was an elevator.”

Steve nodded in agreement. “The more in the dark we were about what the real plan was, the less we would have fought her on it.”

“Not that we really could have fought back. If she wanted to, she could have had us blindly wait in the fucking motel room until the blast ripped her hold over us to shreds. Instead, she allowed us our free will to fight while her own life slipped between our fingers.”

Natasha sounded angry, her hands clenched at her sides. It wasn’t the first time she had been duped by someone she thought was an ally, but Steve doubted the betrayal ever ended in self-sacrifice for the greater good. “Come on, there’s nothing left here. We better get back to Wakanda in case they need us.”

Using one of the king’s personal jets made the trip from Alaska back to Wakanda a lot easier than it’d been when Rune had to steal their transportation. Without the extra stops to fuel up they easily cut their original time in half. They barely had time to step off board before Wanda was suddenly there, her face split into a huge smile.

“Steve!” she exclaimed as she rushed up to him and immediately took his hands. “He’s waking! Come, come! Quickly, all of you!”

She ushered him back into the palace and through the elevators, Steve’s heart beginning to ram violently against his ribs. Was this finally happening? His grip tightened around Wanda’s hand but she didn’t seem to mind, the smile unbreakable across her face. She knew how important this was to him, what having Bucky awake, warm, and breathing in front of him meant. When they finally made it to Bucky’s chamber room they were greeted by a room of buzzing researchers and T’Challa, who turned to greet them with a smile. “There you are. I was beginning to worry we’d started too soon.”

Bucky’s chamber was filled with steam which signaled the tail end of the unfreezing process. T’Challa had made it his personal mission to make sure his awakening from cryo this time was natural and pain free, nothing like he possibly went through while under HYDRA’s so called care. God, Steve was nervous. No, nervous didn’t even cover what he was feeling right now. Bucky was finally going to wake up. After all this time he was finally getting his best friend back.

_Three months, seven days, six hours, fifteen minutes, forty seconds._

He’d imagined this moment so many times but nothing could compare to actually experiencing it. Wanda’s hand tightened around his again, catching his attention. “Are you ready, Steven?”

“I don’t—I don’t know. My heart’s beating to loud for me to really get my head straight,” he whispered with an almost laugh. “I’ll just be glad to see him awake and breathing.”

T’Challa suddenly nodded to his scientists who pressed a few keys on the computer attached to Bucky’s chamber. His breath caught as he watched the door slide open and the steam billow from inside, sliding down to the ground before warping out around their feet. Natasha stepped into the peripheral on his free side, Sam lingering by the back doors. He was still apprehensive about Bucky, even from inside cryo, but he still wanted to be there to support Steve. It was something he appreciated deeply.

That’s when Bucky twitched, all of them holding their breath. It started in his fingers, the tremors traveling up his arms down into his knees. Then, his eyes fluttered open, those gray-blue eyes finally welcoming back the world. No one moved as they waited for him to register where he was. When his head finally turned and he locked on to where Steve was standing however, his eyes widened in horror.

“Get out,” he demanded, voice hoarse from being unused for so long. “Get him out of here, now!”

Steve panicked, making a move to approach him. “Buck, it’s ok, you’re not—“

“Don’t get any closer! Get him out of here! Get him out!”

What was going on? Had something happened? From the corner of his eye he could see Natasha take a step forward. “солдат, I need you to calm down.”

“Я опасен. Он в опасности!” he barked back. “Он должен уйти!”

“Steve, you better get out of here,” Natasha whispered, eyes never leaving where Bucky was refusing to leave the chamber.

“No, I want to—“

“I don’t want you here!”

The anger in Bucky’s voice pierced through Steve like a hot iron poker, his body recoiling like he’d been burned. “I’m—I’m sorry,” he whispered, his eyes dropping to his boots. “I’m sorry.”

With that he backed up and all but bolted from the room, Natasha and Wanda immediately moving in to help Bucky in his place. He could hear another set of footsteps following him down the hallway and could only assume it was Sam. As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t let Sam see him break down. He’d already done so much and the last thing he needed was Steve putting more of his problems onto him. So instead, when he reached his room, he stopped just outside of the door. “Steve—“

“I’m ok, Sam,” he attempted a smile.

Sam obviously didn’t buy it. “Don’t even start that crap with me. You’ve been waiting months for him to wake up—“

_Three months, seven days, six hours, fifty-six minutes, thirty-two seconds._

“ –and the first thing he does is fucking toss you out like yesterday’s trash!”

“Something must have happened. Maybe I triggered him? Or-or he could still be programmed to—” he shrugged feebly, though the ‘kill me’ insinuation still lingered. “Besides, he’s got—he’s got Natasha in there. She probably knows him better than I do anymore anyway, so it’s for the best.”

He hadn’t meant for the last part to sound so downtrodden, but it was true. Of course Bucky couldn’t stand Steve being in there with him. He was the whole reason he’d had to go into the chamber in the first place. Natasha was obviously the better choice. Always had been. “Steve, come on man.”

“Can you—just keep me updated, ok? Let me knows he’s alright.”

Obviously knowing he was being shut down, Sam gave in with a sigh. “Yeah, buddy. Why don’t I bring up something for us to eat from the kitchen? We can finish watching Labyrinth together.”

“Thanks, Sam.”

As soon as he disappeared around the corner Steve ducked into his room, his weight collapsing back against the door before he let himself slide down to cower against his knees. What did he do wrong? Was it still not safe for Bucky to see Steve? Did he—did he want nothing to do with him anymore? Maybe as soon as his head was fixed he was planning on leaving again. Leaving without Steve and disappearing where he couldn’t find him again. Just the thought made him ache, the tears threatening to spill over as he clutched at his head. Why couldn’t he just do something right for once?

Sam stayed with Steve the rest of the day. Steve tried, more than once, to see Bucky, but they never let him passed the doors. It was always this excuse or that excuse, but Steve could take a hint. The looks of pity was enough. So, instead, it was Natasha, Wanda, and T’Challa who explained what the process would involve. Since Bucky was still in an unstable mindset they decided to bypass the fact it was his handler who had found the fix for his brain and instead tell him it was Steve and Natasha who found it. Thankfully he didn’t ask questions. All he did was agree to everything, and that was that. The surgery date was set for a week later, that way T’Challa could be present for the procedure.

The next day, as Steve begrudgingly dragged himself towards the kitchen, he was surprised to find T’Challa standing patiently in the doorway for him. “T’Challa, I thought you’d have left by now. You have that meeting in the states, right?”

“I do, but I needed to speak with you first. Walk with me, won’t you?”

Steve frowned though followed the king back down the hall. “Is everything alright?”

“It seems something rather important was taken from the palace recently,” he explained a little too calmly. “I had Aneka track the thief down, but it seems the item has already left their person.”

“Where did they take it?”

“Unfortunately they made it to Greece before we were able to catch up. I would have Aneka handle it herself, but she is still working out how the intruder managed to get inside in the first place. Considering the situation, I know asking you to do this is a lot, but I don’t trust anyone else enough to ask.”

Steve made to remind him that Bucky had just woken up barely twenty-four hours ago, and that he didn’t feel comfortable leaving him in case something happened, but he hesitated. As true as that was, he’d yet to actually see his friend, and judging by the way Natasha, Wanda, and even T’Challa himself had to play telephone for him, that wasn’t going to change. Bucky had no intentions of seeing him any time soon, and apparently he just needed to accept that. Besides, he could tell this was just a pity mission. It was T’Challa’s way of kicking his mopey ass out of his palace all the while trying to be polite about it.

Fine. Steve could play naïve idiot. “I’ll do it.”

“Do you need assistance? I might be able to convince one of—“

“It’s fine. I can handle it on my own. Just give me my parameters and I’ll head out immediately.”

“Thank you, Steve,” T’Challa sighed in relief. “Again, I am sorry about the timing.”

“It’s no problem, really. If you’ll excuse me.”

Steve bypassed breakfast and quickly returned to the elevator. His tactical suit was thankfully still in his room from the day before. Sure, it smelled like ash from the smoldering HYDRA base, but it was just going to get dirty again anyway. Just as he holstered his glock there came a knock at the door. Obviously not bothering to wait for him to answer, Aneka pushed her way through, that serious look she always had when in security mode stone-like on her face. “I have details for you, at the king’s request,” she said as she waved the tablet in the air. “This is what you’re looking for.”

As soon as he saw the object, his brows rose. “Isn’t this the Black Panther necklace?”

“Yes, and, as you can imagine, it’s highly valuable,” she agreed. As Steve flipped through the list of possible locations and suspects, Aneka suddenly cleared her throat. “Are you sure you want to do this alone, Rogers?”

Not bothering to glance up from the screen, he shrugged. “Should be a simple retrieval mission. Besides, everyone else is otherwise engaged.”

He silently prayed his tone didn’t give away the fact he wanted nothing more than to be here just in case Bucky actually came looking for him. He doubted he would, but Steve always was a dreamer. Aneka, seeming to find that answer acceptable, nodded. “A jet is ready for you when you are ready to go. I’ll tell the others—“

“No!” Steve scrambled. When Aneka turned to him expectantly, he righted himself. “I won’t be gone long enough for them to notice. Besides, you know how they get when I go on solo missions.”

“Fine, but if you die, don’t blame me for not being able to say good-bye,” she warned though it was laced with amusement. “Good-luck, Rogers.”

“Thanks, Aneka.”

It wasn’t long after she left that Steve took his leave too. Steve, being known to slip away and disappear like a ‘fucking magician’ as Sam kindly put it, knew all of the secret back hallways and elevators of the palace so getting out to the landing pad unnoticed was fairly easy. He knew Sam was going to kill him for leaving alone, but maybe the fact Bucky was awake this time would let him off of the hook. It was a stretch that most likely wouldn’t happen, but again, Steve was a dreamer. The jet took off almost as soon as he boarded, which was more of a relief than Steve thought. As soon as the palace disappeared from sight he turned his attention back to the tablet Aneka had given him. It looked like they had three suspected buyers, none of which were good characters. One was a well-known poacher from Africa, another an Italian mob boss, and the last a woman who collected—well, looked like everything and anything. Deciding to hit the higher risk target, he went straight for the Italian mob boss.

His home was lavish, like something you’d find in those fancy vineyards in the Italy travel books. His mom used to tell him all kinds of stories about the rolling hills and beautiful architecture here. Steve had always imagined himself visiting someday, he just hadn’t expected his first time to be during the war, or during that mission with Natasha where they wiped out another HYDRA base. Now he was going to confront a mob boss. Maybe someday he’d be able to visit without planning to kill someone.

When they finally landed in a deserted field, Steve began the hike to the mansion. He was contemplating if he should sneak in or give them the benefit of the doubt and knock. Since the poacher seemed the more ‘shoot first’ type, he decided to save the break in for him. When he reached the gates he was surprised to find them already opening for him, the two guards nodding him through. Well, having a famous face had its perks; at least he wouldn’t have to fight his way inside. Doesn’t mean he won’t have to fight his way out though.

The men at the main door lead him into the large entry hall and up a grand staircase. Saying this place was lavish was an understatement. It was more like something out of one of those romance novels Wanda lies about reading. When they finally reached the top they wound him down a long hallway before stopping at a pair of double doors. Inside sat a large man with dark hair and a goatee that reminded him of Stark’s if he tilted his head just right. “Captain Rogers! Welcome to my humble abode. I am honored for you to have come out of hiding just for me.”

His accent was thick but Steve was quick to decipher; he thankfully knew a bit of Italian. “Giovanni Giordano, I presume.”

“Yes, that is me. To what do I owe this pleasurable visit?”

“The King of Wakanda was recently robbed of a royal piece of jewelry.”

“And I’m assuming I am one of his suspects,” he tsked. “The prior king and I once had a-a—Rico, how do you say malinteso in English?”

The man on Steve’s left stepped forward. “It’s _misunderstanding_ , sir.”

“Ah, yes! A misunderstanding. Apparently, his son has held onto such distrust even in his absence.”

“So, I’m assuming you aren’t in possession of it then.”

“No, I am not. Doing such a foolish thing as stealing one of Wakanda’s highest treasures would insinuate war, and we would not stand a chance. For even I know the Captain of America could slaughter us where we stand.”

Steve could feel his neck warm at the compliment but he kept his features schooled. “Then I need to apologize for our accusation.”

“Nonsense. Again, it was a suspicion that will linger with me for the rest of my days,” Giovanni sighed. “One word of advice though, I would look into that collector woman. Shit, what is her name…..?”

“Lady Hadley.”

“Right, lovely Lady Hadley. She would pay even a higher price than I for such an artifact. Do not underestimate her though, Captain. Her innocence is merely an act; she is quite the foe.”

“Thanks for the advice,” he smiled. “I better get going then. And again, sorry for the intrusion.”

“A visit from the infamous Captain America is never an intrusion. Good-luck on your mission.”

Steve left then, the guards keeping close as they followed him back down to the gate. He was just glad nobody pulled their guns when his back was turned. Deciding to take the mob boss’ advice he by passed dealing with the poacher and instead decided to turn his attention to the collector. Maybe his visit with her would go just as easy as it had with Giovanni? Since travelling from Wakanda to Venice took most of the day though, Steve decided to stay the night in the jet and fly to Lady Hadley’s house in the morning. He needed to expand on the research Aneka had provided anyway.

Just as he began to doze off however, his phone beeped shrilly. He yelped as he shot upright, his hands digging into his pockets before sliding it free. When he was greeted by Sam’s face, he sighed and let it go to voicemail; it took him longer to find out than he thought. He also knew he couldn’t have gotten away with it forever. Sam called two more times before Steve silenced it completely. Which probably wasn’t the best idea considering a few minutes later the jet’s communications system suddenly clicked through. “ _Rogers, I swear if you hang up on us one more time, I will have your jet crash you into the Atlantic_.”

“I think the Gulf of Venice is closer, Tasha,” he shot back. 

There was no point hiding his location; knowing Natasha, she already had it. Then he heard Sam shouting from somewhere in the background. “ _Is he seriously being sassy right now? He has no right to be sassy right now!_ ”

“ _He’s got a point. What makes you think you can just take off like that? I think Wilson’s on the verge of having a stroke._ “’

“Look, I know where T’Challa’s necklace is. I’ll be in and out and back at the palace before you know it. Really, I’ll be fine.”

“ _Have you met yourself? You never come out fine, Mr. Martyr,_ ” Sam snapped again.

Steve frowned, Rune’s voice suddenly chanting ‘Stubborn Martyr’ in his ear. He turned his head as if expecting her to be sitting there. He was disappointed when she wasn’t. “If things look like they’re going to get bad, I’ll call you guys for backup, ok?”

“ _And what makes you think we aren’t heading to your location now?_ ” Natasha asked.

“Because it’ll take you ten hours just to get to Italy and by then I’ll already be at the buyer’s house,” he reminded them. “Might as well save a trip and wait for me to come back.”

“ _Or wait for us to pick your carcasss up_ ,” Sam grumbled.

“ _If you die on us, Rogers, I swear_ —“

“Yeah, yeah, I know, you’ll bring me back and throw me into the Atlantic.”

“ _Gulf of Venice will be closer_ ,” Natasha snarked back. “ _Just—take care of yourself, alright?_ ”

“Promise, Tasha. Good-bye, Sam!”

“ _Yeah, yeah._ ”

With that he clicked the coms off, slumping over as soon as he was sure he was back in the clear. At least he staved off their rescue attempt. Having a solo mission was what he’d needed after the forty-eight hours he’d had. Between Rune’s death and Bucky’s rejection Steve was just— _done_. It’d been hard enough for him to get out of bed every day as it was, but at least before all of this he still had the mission of waking Bucky up. Then Rune showed up with a mission that literally handed him the cure, only for him to lose both of them in the end. Now he wasn’t even sure if it was worth it anymore.

The next day Steve waited until almost one before heading to Lady Hadley’s home. He was hoping that this time on a weekday meant she wasn’t home. A collector, no matter how rich, still must have had a job, right? Or other appointments to buy something to add to their growing collection. Either way it was prime time for Steve to sneak in and out without detection. Lady Hadley’s house was on the outskirts of Athens just along the coast, which gave him perfect cover to sneak up to the back porch. Unlike Giovanni’s place it didn’t look like she had any guards keeping watch. Not on the outside anyway. Like he had warned though, she wasn’t one to mess with, so a lot of security probably wasn’t necessary. Slowly Steve made his way to the box on the side of the house, the device Aneka had taught him how to use making quick work of the security system. As soon as the alarms were cut and the locks deactivated, Steve moved in.

Just as he made it through the sliding door however a man stepped from the kitchen, pistol raised. Steve swiftly disabled him, a chokehold easily knocking him unconscious and keeping the altercation quiet. He gently lay the man down, hoping not to alert anyone else, before making his way for the stairs. There weren’t any blueprints on the house that he could find but it didn’t look like any of the rooms below could hold a collection as large as the one Lady Hadley was rumored to house. There were two more men in the top hallway, only one managing to unholster his pistol, before Steve knocked them both out. He checked every room he passed but it wasn’t until he reached a locked set of black doors that he hit pay dirt. Thanks to a few lessons from Natasha his lock picking skill had heightened over the past few years. He preferred just kicking them in but sometimes this route was the better option.

When he was finally able to get them open he found himself surrounded by over two dozen display cases, all of them filled with beautiful trinkets and ornaments. It wasn’t until he spotted the large case between the bay windows that he found what he was after. Inside rest the king’s necklace, the red velvet it was lain against making it practically glisten. He carefully eased it from its resting place before sliding it into the protective case Aneka had given him to use. Apparently, though made of cloth, it was bulletproof, fireproof, waterproof, and probably any other proof you could think of. She tried to explain the whole thing to him but Steve’d zoned out after a few minutes. This kind of tech still went over his almost one-hundred-year-old head. When he was sure it was secure he tucked it away into one of the pockets of his suit. As he turned around to leave however was when he realized he was no longer alone.

A tall thin woman with beautiful caramel skin and deep crimson red hair was standing in the open doorway, her arms crossed as she leaned against the frame. She was dressed in a pencil skirt and heels, though Steve knew they probably weren’t a disadvantage for her. “I knew T’Challa would send for his little prize, but I didn’t think he’d send Captain America to my doorstep.”

She had a British accent that laced the sultry sound of her voice. It almost reminded him of Rune when she was bending someone’s will. “It’s his property. He has a right to have it returned to him.”

Lady Hadley nodded as she took a few steps into the room. “Yes, this is true, but unfortunately for you I can’t let you leave with it. As much of an honor as it is to meet you, Captain Rogers, I’m afraid this is where your story ends.”

She was the first to move, Steve easily dodging the punch she threw, though the slice across his thigh was unexpected. Like he’d predicted earlier, those heels had an advantage, only these ones were in the form of a blade. He didn’t let the surprise stall him though, his fist colliding with her jaw and knocking her back a few steps. She retaliated by grabbing one of the display cases and smashing it against his head, his arms barely coming up in time to block it, before he kicked her out into the hallway. As he made a move to the stairs though she stuck her foot out, the blade nicking his ankle and sending him colliding with the floor. He rolled just as she made to bring her heel down again, the force sending him down the staircase and sprawling out onto the carpet below. Lady Hadley was right behind him though, and before he could get the rattling in his brain together again, she was on top of him, hands around his throat. With a twist of his body though he was able to knocked her off.

Steve scrambled to his feet but just as he made a dash for the back door, something sharp pierced through his back, just to the right of his spine. When his fingers nudged the blade he realized it was the one that had been in her heel. Realizing she was making a move for the other one he made a desperate dive for her, only for her to jam the blade into his gut as soon as he got close enough. He didn’t let that stop him though, the momentum barreling him directly into her. When his hands found her throat, his weight keeping her pinned, Lady Hadley panicked. She withdrew the blade and jammed it into his gut again and again, frantically trying to free herself, but he never let up, not even as she made a jab at his ribs. After almost thirty seconds her body finally went limp, Steve holding on until he couldn’t hear her heart beating anymore.

It wasn’t until then that he noticed the agony burning in his belly and when he glanced down he could see how much damage was actually done. He was gushing blood, the hole in his back barely doing any better. As small of a blade as it was she knew where to hit, and hit she did. After making sure the necklace was still on his person, Steve stumbled his way for the back door. His vision was beginning to spot, the super-serum taking its sweet time knitting him back together. In fact, it didn’t feel like it was working at all. Had her blades been laced with something? Shit. As he made his way down to the shore, the jet parking along an abandoned beach not too far away, he coughed up something wet, the thick fluid spilling down his chin. _Double shit_. He needed to get on board and find the med kit as soon as possible.

Just as the jet finally came into view however, the world tilted. He hit the sand, hard, embedding the knife in his back even deeper and ripping a scream from him. The water lapped at his suit, the salt stinging as it trickled into his wounds. He tried urging himself to get up, to get moving again, but he was exhausted. Maybe all he needed was sleep? Yeah, sleep would help. The spots in his vision were thickening, the world still spinning, but it didn’t keep him from noticing the face that suddenly appeared over him.

“Rune?”

“Jesus, Steve. What the hell did you get yourself into?”

“S’not—s’not that bad.”

Rune rolled her eyes as she crouched over him. He could clearly see her brushing her fingers through his hair, unsticking it from his forehead, but he couldn’t feel it. “Bullshit. You’re currently hallucinating a dead girl, how is that not bad?”

“Don’t,” he whined, his face tucking into the sand. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing for something I did of my own free will. If you want to make it up to me though, you can start by getting your ass into the jet.”

“Can’t,” he sighed instead. “I’m so tired, Rune.”

“I know, Steve. I know you are, but you can’t give up, you got it? You can’t die here.”

“You died.”

“Yes, but my death was quick and easy. You are currently about to bleed out on a beach in fucking Athens!” she reminded him. “Please, Steve. At least call someone! Call Bucky, he’s probably—“

Steve’s heart sank, his frown deepening. Rune had thought his reunion with Bucky was going to be magical. Yet another way he’d disappointed someone. “He don’t—he doesn’t want to see me anymore.”

“Steve—“

“It’s ok, though,” he attempted to shrug, his eyes finally giving up the battle and closing. “S’long as he’s safe.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t you dare do that to us, do you understand me? Bucky—God, you don’t understand what this will do to him. He needs you. Don’t you see that?”

“He’ll be happier this way. Don’t gotta watch out for Stevie. Won’t be trouble no more.”

His breathing was slowing, and he was pretty sure all of his blood had sopped out into the ocean by now. Rune kept trying to talk to him though, kept begging and pleading. “Steve, please, you gotta call someone, _anyone_. I can’t do it for you. I can’t save you this time. Don’t do this, don’t you dare give up! Steve? Steve!”

Eventually her voice faded off with the sound of the crashing waves. Maybe they’d sweep him away from this and hide him at the bottom of the ocean where no one would find him. He doubted they’d leave him there though. Captain America wasn’t allowed to rest. Captain America wasn’t allowed to be sad or weak. More than that, Captain America wasn’t allowed to die. Steve Rogers was though, and as soon as he did, someone else would come along and replace him easy. He used to be a strong-willed spitfire who never took shit from anyone. Even if he was skinny enough to blow away with the wind, nothing could take him down back then. Not even the seasonal sickness that always brought him to death’s door. After the serum though, and after the war and the ice and everything that happened after they woke him up, he couldn’t even find the energy to fight for his own life. Turns out he wasn’t anything special after all. Guess Stark had been right all along…..

Steve felt something warm brush his cheek. It felt distant, like he was simply remembering the feeling than really experiencing it for himself. Then there were voices. Two? Possibly three, but he couldn’t tell. He was too tired to try and figure it out. When his body suddenly shifted onto his side however the pain returned full forced, pulling another scream from him as he attempted to tuck into himself. “Jesus, what the hell happened to him?”

“Why isn’t he healing?” a softer voice asked, most likely belonging to Wanda. It was nice she came all this way to see him. “Tasha, what’s going on?”

“Hadley’s blades were laced with something that’s keeping his wounds from coagulating,” she explained, the searing pain flaring again as she poked at the blade. Probably testing how deep it’d gone; if he had to guess it was wedged in one of his organs. “We need to get him back to T’Challa’s place. Wanda, can you—”

“On it,” Wanda agreed, the sound of her magic whisping to life. “Hold on, Steven. We’ll get you home soon.”

After feeling his body begin to move, the pain excruciating as he was lifted from the sand, his mind finally took pity on him and the world once again went dark.

Occasionally he’d come to for a brief period. He could hear the rumble of the jet, the beeping from what he assumed was a heart monitor, an IV stabbing into his arm. At one point he knew he was in some kind of medical environment, whether it was in Wakanda or not he wasn’t sure. He could smell the sterile scent thick in the air, something he practically grew up experiencing. His body hurt everywhere, his gut throbbing. God, he was still exhausted. As his brain began to fog out again though he swore there was something gripping his hand, a voice pleading quietly in his ear.

_“Don’t leave me here, ok? You can’t leave me here.”_

When Steve fully returned back to earth, his stomach was only at a dull ache, the rest of his body finally strong enough for him to open his eyes. Sam was asleep in his usual place to the right of Steve’s hospital bed, drool dribbling down his chin. If only he had his phone; this would be a great contact picture. “Sam,” he tried, throat dry as the damn desert. He took a moment to wet his lips. “Sam. Sam, wake-up.”

Sam instantly sat up, his hand feebly wiping at the slobber. “You’re awake! How are you feeling? You need some water? Let me get you some water.”

He quickly poured a glass full before handing it to Steve who gulped it down greedily. “Thanks, Sam.”

“How is your wound doing?”

“Feels ok,” he mumbled. “How is everyone else doing?”

“There you go again. You’re the one in a hospital bed but it’s everyone else’s well-being you’re concerned about,” Sam threw his hands up. When Steve’s look of concern never faded, he let out a sigh before collapsing back into his chair. “They’re fine. Pissed, but fine. Expect an earful from Wanda. She’s the one who had to float your ass back to the jet.”

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “How did you find me?”

“You called us,” Sam stated, Steve looking at him in confusion. He might not remember much, but he definitely remembers ignoring his hallucinations pleas to call for help. “It was an accident, of course. The blade Hadley got into your back nicked your coms, which called us. It destroyed our end but we could still hear your side. Things got muffled down by the beach where we found you, though. Natasha swears she heard you talking to someone.”

Great, they heard him losing his mind. Instead of coming clean about the fact he’d imagined Rune coming to his rescue, he shook his head. “No. There was no one else there. Nobody alive, at least.”

Though he didn’t look convinced, Sam sighed in defeat. “I’m just glad we found you alive. We were worried sick, you know? The next time you try to go all hero, you know we’re ignoring your ass, right?”

“I wouldn’t have expected anything else,” Steve offered a smile. “How long was I out for?”

“Been three days since we found you. You were in and out, but we couldn’t get you conscious enough to talk to us. I think it would have helped if—“

When he hesitated, Steve raised his brow. “You ok, Sam?”

“Fine. Just glad to see you awake.”

Deciding against pressing the matter further, Steve sank back into his pillows instead. As they sat in content silence for a few minutes however, a thought occurred to him. “How’s Bucky?”

“Fine,” Sam answered shortly, almost angrily. “His surgery is in a few days. That’s all he’ll talk about.”

“Does he know what happened to me?”

“Yeah. Asshole didn’t even bother to come see you.”

Steve couldn’t stop it when his face fell. “Oh.”

“Look, I don’t want to be the one to tell you this, but it seems like I’m the only one who isn’t afraid of your sensibilities around here. I don’t like how Bucky’s treating you. Ever since he woke up he’s been acting like you don’t exist. Like you weren’t the one out there killing yourself while trying to find a cure these past three months! All for him!” he seethed. “He refuses to speak to you, he won’t even look at you, and its bullshit, Steve. You’ve been here dealing with all the backlash rescuing him did, and all he had to do was sleep. You’re falling apart at the seams and he doesn’t even care!”

“Sam, stop,” Steve attempted, unable to help the flinch. “He’s-he’s been through a lot. I don’t have the right to be angry with him. Most of this is my fault anyway.”

“The hell it is,” he grumbled, arms crossing sharply over his chest. “All I’m saying is that he’s not acting like the ‘best friend’ you keep portraying him as and it’s hurting you.”

“I’ll be fine, Sam,” he attempted to smile again. “I always am.”

“Yeah, that’s the problem,” he grumbled. “I’m going to tell the doc you’re awake. Natasha and Wanda will want to know too. I’ll be back, ok?”

“I’ll be here.”

“You better be!”

As Sam began to make his way for the door is when he saw her leaning against the windowsill, his heart sputtering. “Rune.”

“What was that?” Sam questioned from the doorway.

Rune pressed her finger to her lips. “He can’t see me, Steve. Remember?”

Right. He was the crazy one after all. “Bring me back grapes.”

“Again, you just woke up, and you’re already so demanding!” he groaned as he marched out into the hallway. “I’m bringing the green ones!”

“What are best friends for, right?” Rune chuckled.

“Why are you here this time? I’m not currently bleeding out.”

“Heavy pain medications can cause hallucinations too, especially with high dosages,” she motioned to the IV again. “I’ll be gone soon though. Your metabolism will kick that out of your system pretty quick.”

“Sorry for scaring you.”

“You better be. You’re just lucky Hadley’s knife just so happened to call them. They were really scared, you know that?”

“I know. But I—“Steve fiddled with his blankets before shrugging. “I meant what I said out there.”

Rune sighed as she pushed herself from the window and made her way over to sit on the bed with him. “I get it, Steve. As much as I’m pissed about you not fighting, I get it. I mean, hell, when was the last time you actually got to rest since you woke up, huh?”

“When they end up having to put me under because the meds don’t stop the pain,” he mumbled. “Can’t sleep otherwise.”

“Yeah. Can’t say I don’t know that feeling.”

Steve placed his hand over hers even though he couldn’t feel the contact. “I’m sorry you died, Rune.”

“Yeah, me too. Why don’t you lie back and get some more sleep while you can, huh?”

“He didn’t come see me. Doesn’t even sound like he asked if I was ok,” he whispered as he let himself fall back against the mattress. “What Sam said wasn’t wrong, you know? But I don’t want him to cut me out. I won’t be able to handle it if he does.”

Rune quietly hushed him, her hand brushing through his hair again just like before and almost instantly began to pull Steve back towards sleep. “Sleep, Steve. Все будет хорошо. Обещаю.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Russian]  
> Солдат – soldier  
> Я опасен. Он в опасности! – I’m not safe. He is in danger!  
> Он должен уйти – He must go  
> Все будет хорошо – Everything will be fine  
> Обещаю – I promise
> 
> [Italian]  
> malinteso - misunderstanding


	5. Chapter 5

Today was Bucky’s surgery. Steve still wasn’t allowed to see him, and he’d already been told the night before he was forbidden to even observe the procedure. All Steve wanted to do was be there, to show he supported this, but apparently he wasn’t worth even that. He hadn’t slept much since waking up in the hospital either, something Rune was continuing to pester him about.

“I wouldn’t be here if you’d just go the fuck to sleep, you know,” she mumbled. This time she was sitting on the kitchen counter watching him make his sixth cup of coffee that morning. He was pretty sure that, if she could, she’d have knocked the fancy coffee machine onto the floor by now. “You’ve barely tried.”

“Not worth the nightmares.”

“Yeah, because it’s just the nightmares keeping you up,” she snorted. “You should talk to someone, Steve. I mean, Sam is more than qualified—“

“To what? Listen to me bitch and moan about my life? About my unrequited crush on my best friend? Yeah, not going to happen,” Steve grumbled. “He’s already had to put up with enough from me. I’m not putting more on his shoulders.”

“So, you’re just going to keep going until you basically run yourself into the ground? Because that’s healthy.”

“Rune, stop.” She huffed irritably but obediently shut her mouth. “Sam will be here soon.”

It was still an adjustment dealing with the fact Rune didn’t disappear when Sam or anyone else living was around. He’d caught himself once or twice glancing over at her but thankfully it didn’t seem like anyone had noticed. Rune was as helpful as she could be though and was always sure to keep as quiet as possible in hopes of keeping his cover. Though trying to keep her snarky comebacks silent was damn near impossible for her…..She sighed as she followed him into the tiny living room. “Good. Someone needs to keep your ass preoccupied. What are you guys doing today?”

“Dunno. He wouldn’t tell me.”

In all honesty, all Steve wanted to do was go down to the gym and punch his feelings out. Considering he’d only been out of the hospital for a few days however, he was still wasn’t allowed any strenuous activity. But the building emotions from the sleepless nights, the fact he still couldn’t see Bucky, and the stress of realizing he was hallucinating dead people, were becoming too much to deal with. Maybe he could sneak off tonight and punch his knuckles bloody again?

“Don’t even think about it, Rogers.”

Steve blinked over at Rune, brows raised. “Do what?”

“I’m a hallucination. I know exactly what goes through that thick head of yours.”

“Well that’s violating.”

The knock at the door cut off her response, Steve letting out a quiet sigh of relief before quickly moving to open it. Sam smiled as soon as it swung in. “Morning!”

“Morning, Sam. Come on in.”

“Thanks,” he said before sliding passed him and making his way into the kitchen to pour himself some coffee. “How are you doing today? Any pain?”

Steve blatantly ignored Rune as she waved her hands frantically at Sam, insinuating back to their earlier conversation. “Nah. The pain stopped the day they discharged me.”

“Good,” he agreed as he sipped at his cup. “So, I was thinking we should get out of the palace for the day.”

No. That was the _last_ thing Steve wanted to do. Bucky didn’t want anything to do with him, fine he could accept that, but if something happened to him during the procedure and Steve wasn’t there, he’d never be able to forgive himself. He’d abandoned him too many times before. “I can’t, Sam. Bucky’s procedure—“

“Which you apparently aren’t even allowed to watch,” Sam grumbled.

Steve kept going as if he hadn’t been interrupted. “—is today and I need to be here.”

That look Steve liked to call Sam’s ‘shit is about to get real’ face came into play then. “Steve, do you really think things will suddenly be ok after this procedure? Say it works and the words are finally gone, why would that change anything?”

Steve shrugged feebly, desperately attempting to ignore the feeling of his heart cracking again. “Even-even if it doesn’t, I still want to be here for him. I don’t mind standing on the sidelines. I’m used to that.”

“That boy better have a good excuse for all of this,” Rune seethed from where she was sitting on the counter again besides Sam. “I get he might be scared of attacking you again, but fuck! It’s called writing a letter or something to let you know it’s not because he means to be a dick.”

“I know.”

“Well, at least you’re starting to accept it,” Sam grunted, Steve grateful he assumed he was simply admitting defeat instead of responding to a question he couldn’t hear. “If I can’t get you to leave this damn palace, then at least let me get you out of this room.”

“He’s got a point, Steve,” Rune agreed. “Your thoughts are suffocating you in here.”

Steve shifted his gaze over to her before glancing back at Sam and nodding. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m ok with that. Just let me change.”

After slipping into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt he followed Sam out towards the elevator. Maybe distracting himself from the event happening only a few floors below him would help, even if only slightly. As soon as the doors opened however there was a sudden blur before a pair of arms tightened around his chest. Steve blinked in confusion, his body tense as he fought back the urge to rip the figure off of him, but as soon as he realized who it was he relaxed. “Jesus, Wanda. You scared the shit out of me.”

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered into his chest. “If I’d known—I’m sorry, Steven.”

“Wanda? What are you talking about?”

“I was waiting downstairs for them to prepare Barnes, but when I asked where you were, Natasha told me you hadn’t been permitted to even watch! I’m so furious right now it’s—“but she grit her teeth instead, her grip tightening on his shirt. “They don’t seem to understand what this is really doing to you! And they don’t even seem to care enough to ask.”

“At least someone else is seeing how fucked up this is,” Sam grunted, Rune nodding in agreement.

Steve shot them both a glare before turning his attention back to Wanda. “It’s ok, Wanda. I’m not happy about any of this either, but I get it.”

“No. I know what you’re about to say and it’s bullshit!” she exclaimed, the anger rolling off of her in waves. “Your emotions have darkened, Steven. Sam and I have both seen it, felt it, and we’re worried about what Barnes’ actions have done to you.”

Nope. No, Steve didn’t talk about this out loud. It was bad enough Sam had his suspicions, but knowing Wanda did too was too much. He should have worked harder to hide it, harder to wall everything up like he always did, but obviously it’d leaked through. And again, he’d bled all over everyone he loved. The panic began to build in his chest and squeeze at his lungs, his stomach curling into itself and rising the urge to vomit. He didn’t want to talk about this. He didn’t want to be here. “Steve?” Steve turned to stare at Rune, her face falling at the sight of his panic. “Run.”

So he did. He pulled from Wanda’s grip before bolting down the hallway, her and Sam’s shouts dissipating as he disappeared around the corner. They’d tried to chase him, of course they did, but they wouldn’t be able to find him. Steve’d spent too much time alone in this place for them to. Sure, running from his problems wasn’t the best idea, but it was the only thing he could handle right now. He couldn’t admit to them he was broken. The serum was supposed to have prevented things like that from happening, and admitting he was faulty was too much. So, instead, he chose to run. He didn’t stop until he was sure he wouldn’t be found, being triple sure to lock the door of his new shelter before collapsing down against the far windows. This particular wing of the palace was abandoned and tucked away, meaning most of the people here had no idea it existed. He figured it used to be a shelter back during Wakanda’s war period and housed its soldiers to keep them close by.

“Thank-you,” he breathed when he heard Rune shift next to him. “I couldn’t—I never wanted them to know how bad off I really am.”

“Kind of figured. But even if you could have kept it from Sam, you know Wanda would have found out. She’s protective of those she cares about, so of course she’s been keeping an eye on you.”

“I don’t deserve that. She’s-she’s been through so much because of me.”

“Which is a path she chose. You couldn’t force that girl to do anything she didn’t want to, I mean, have you met her? And I know that if you ever needed her, she’d be right there by your side.”

He didn’t respond, but he knew it was true. Even after everything she’d gone through she was still one of his close friends. “Is she like you remember?”

“She’s grown up a lot. When we first met she was still so naïve to the world, even despite what had happened to her and her family,” she explained. “I think dealing with Strucker, and Ultron, and losing her brother, has opened her eyes to what was really done to her. Being here and being able to heal after everything has really changed her, though. For the good, I mean. She’s become a strong young woman since that first day.”

They fell into a comfortable silence, like they usually did when they were back in his room. He wasn’t sure when he fell asleep, but before he knew it he was woken up by that creepy feeling of someone watching him. And it wasn’t his hallucination. When his eyes opened he realized the room was pitch dark, the sun probably having set hours ago. Someone was in the room with him, that much was sure, his hands itching to grab the shield he no longer owned. “It’s just Natasha, Steve,” Rune whispered from next to him. “She showed up a few minutes ago.”

“Great,” he mumbled. “How did you find me?”

“You’re more predictable than you think, Rogers,” Natasha shrugged. There was a popping noise, a glow stick flickering to life as she shook it roughly before tossing it onto the ground between them. It surprisingly illuminated the room better than even a candle would have. “Sam and Wanda were worried sick, you know.”

He wanted to apologize, but all he had the energy for was a simple shrug. 

“Want to tell me why you’re hiding out here?”

“Only place I could be alone.”

“And why would you want that?”

“Just easier this way.”

“Or a coward’s way.”

“Like you’re the one who needs the coward’s talk,” Rune snapped.

“Sorry for wanting a little peace and quiet,” Steve mumbled as he managed to push himself standing. “I’m going back to my room.”

As Steve grabbed the handle of the door, Natasha stood up behind him. “Barnes made it through surgery without any trouble, and Wanda thinks she was finally able to erase the control the words have over him. She didn’t seem happy about being there, but she still did it.”

A piece of Steve was relieved to hear the news, though the rest of him didn’t feel much of anything. “Glad he made it out ok.”

“What’s going on with you, Steve? I mean, you’ve barely shown your face since you got out of the hospital.”

“I’m fine, Tasha. Don’t worry about it.”

When he pulled the door open and made to leave however, she grasped his wrist. “Talk to me, please. I want to help.”

“I don’t need help. I’m fine. I’m dealing with it the best I can, so forgive me for being absent a few days.”

“Dealing with what?”

“Why do you even have to ask!?” he ripped his hand free. “Did you really think I’d be ok with being shut out? Did you really think I’d be fine not being able to see my best friend after all this time? Especially when he’s going into fucking brain surgery? But I get it. No, I do, I just need time to deal with it and process it and get on with life without him.”

Natasha’s face filled with pity again. Always fucking pity! It’d been that way with people since he was a fucking kid and he hated it.

‘ _Poor Steve Rogers. Can’t even deal with the rejection of his supposed best friend._ ’ 

‘ _Poor Steve Rogers who runs from his problems instead of stands up like a man._ ’

‘ _Poor lonely Steve Rogers._ ’

‘ _Poor pathetic Steve Rogers._ ’

_Seventy-five years, ten months, sixteen days, four hours, thirty minutes, and thirty-six seconds._

“Steve…”

“Sorry you had to deal with finding me,” Steve hissed. “Tell Sam and Wanda I’m fine. And I’m glad Bucky lived.”

With that he stalked off, ignoring her attempts at calling him back.

Steve ignored everyone for three days and barely even spoke to Rune. She didn’t seem to mind though, and filled the silent apartment with stories or soft hums. He still didn’t sleep much either, maybe an hour or two at a time, but he couldn’t get himself to care. Sam and Wanda had both attempted to coax him into opening the door, but he simply tucked himself further into his sheets. He didn’t bother even asking to see Bucky; he’d gotten his hopes up too many times only to be denied. Again. And again. And again.

Unfortunately he should have known he couldn’t hide forever. “You’re out of food, Steve.”

“No I’m not.”

“Yeah you are. You just ate the last of the crackers from the cupboard and cheese from the fridge. Your milk is also expired.”

“Can’t you do it?”

“Hilarious, Rogers,” she huffed. “Get dressed and get down to the kitchen. It’s been almost twelve hours since you ate that measly snack.”

As much as he wanted to continue arguing with her, he knew she was right. His stomach had been rumbling at him the past hour and it was beginning to annoy even him. Finally giving in to Rune’s impatient stares, he slid into what he’d hoped was a clean pair of joggers and t-shirt before shuffling his way to the door. He used the back way to get to the kitchen. Sam had probably already heard his door open and was on the hunt for him. When he reached the dining area he found it blessedly empty. It was pretty late though, so he couldn’t really be surprised. “Ooh, sandwiches!” Runes exclaimed. “I want a sandwich.”

“You can’t have sandwiches,” he teased, his smile growing. “They’d go right _through_ you.”

“Ha! Even sleep-deprived you’re still a smart ass.”

“Only for you.”

He glanced over his options and decided to grab multiple things so he could hide himself away a little longer. Going with Rune’s cravings, just to be a dick, he grabbed a few sandwiches and piled them onto the tray. He stacked a few juice boxes and chips onto the pile while he was at it too. After stuffing a slice of pizza between his teeth, not trusting it to stay on top of his food pile, he decided that would be plenty for a day or two.

Just as he turned to head back to what Rune had dubbed his ‘hidey-hole’ his heart stopped, ramming violently up into his throat as his breath caught just behind it and the slice of pizza slipped from his mouth. Standing a few feet away was Bucky. He looked—fuck, he looked good, especially for a man who just got out of surgery a few days before. The right side of his head had been shaved, the scar from the surgery still pink around his temple, the rest of his hair falling at a shoulder’s length. The cap sleeve was still secure over the remnants of his metal arm, but there were rumors that he was going over designs with T’Challa for a possible new one. He looked tired if the bags under his eyes said anything, but, overall, he looked fine.

“B-Buck.”

“Hey, Stevie.”

It was the mix of his small smile and the nickname he hadn’t heard since before the ice that sent the tray in his hands crashing to the floor, food and juice splattering everywhere. “Shit,” he cursed before immediately crouching down to clean it up. God he was a fucking disaster.

“Here, let me help.”

Steve was shaking, his breath hitching as he scrambled to stack everything back onto the tray. Why was Bucky here? Why was he even talking to him? For almost two weeks he’d wanted nothing to do with Steve. He’d made that perfectly clear. So why bother speaking to him now? Natasha must have talked to him, or Wanda, or even Sam. They must have bullied him into saying something to poor Steve. Maybe to put him out of his misery. Steve’s vision blurred, his hands beginning to shake so bad he couldn’t get a good grip on the fucking tray; he didn’t want Bucky’s pity too.

“Steve, you have to breathe,” Rune coaxed. “Please, you need to calm down.”

“Steve?”

When he finally glanced up to look at Bucky he saw the frown planted on his face, the sadness for the mess his friend had become. No, they weren’t even friends anymore, were they? Doing what he did best, Steve shot back to his feet and stepped away. “S-sorry. I gotta—good-bye.”

“Steve, wait!”

But, like usual, he didn’t wait. Instead he bolted like the coward he professed to be and disappeared back down the hallway. He barreled his way back into his room and slammed the door, desperately wishing he had a million more locks to latch closed. As soon as he dubbed it secure enough he bolted to the bathroom where he vomited everything in his stomach, though most was bile considering he’d still yet to actually eat anything solid. His body didn’t stop heaving for almost thirty minutes before it finally tired out. “You ok?”

Steve frowned down into the toilet bowl as he flushed it. “No.”

“Sorry he hurt you.”

“Yeah,” he sighed as he closed his eyes, wishing the nausea away. “Me too.”

Surprisingly it was Wanda, not Sam, who’d finally had enough of Steve’s new hermit inspired antics. He’d locked himself up in his room for two more days after the Bucky run-in and still hadn’t eaten or slept. He knew he was losing his mind, especially when he swore he could start actually feeling Rune when she touched him. They had been in the middle of an argument about something stupid—tacos, maybe?—when the front door slammed open. Steve bolted from the couch, Rune right next to him, only for them to find Wanda standing in the doorway, the magic just dying from her fingertips. “Damn girl,” Rune whistled.

“What the hell?”

“No, you do not get to speak a word, Steven. You are coming with me, _now_ , and we are going down to the kitchen,” Wanda snapped as she stalked up to him and grabbed his arm. “It has been almost a week since I have last seen you and I have had enough. Look at you! You look like a—like a зомби!”

“That—uh—that doesn’t sound good.”

“Because it’s not. Now come.”

Knowing there was no point in arguing, he agreed. She gave him just enough time to slip his shoes on, Steve shooting a glare at Rune who was grinning like the damn cat who got the cream, before she was dragging him out into the hall and into the elevator. Thankfully when they reached the kitchen nobody he really knew was there, just a few researchers and palace workers. Wanda immediately sat him down before beginning to fill a tray full of food. As soon as she stacked it about a foot high she sat in the seat across the table and slid the tray in front of him. Steve’s cheeks flushed. “Thanks, Wanda.”

“You’re welcome, now eat.”

Despite the fact he wanted to shove everything he saw into his mouth all at once, he managed to control himself. If he showed how hungry he actually felt he’d be in even more trouble. Instead of making them sit in awkward silence, Wanda thankfully filled the space with stories about what she’d been doing while he was in self-put lockdown. Turns out Aneka finally took her on that trip through the jungle. She described how beautiful it was to him and how peaceful the jungles of Wakanda were compared to other places. They even allowed her to pick flowers to bring back to her room, which she had a picture of as proof. Steve couldn’t help his smile. “I’m glad you had fun, Wanda.”

“I wish you could have come. Getting out of the palace would have suited you.”

“I know. I just—was dealing with some things. Badly.”

“You can talk to me about it, you know. I am younger, yes, but I am still your friend.”

Steve glanced her over before nodding a few times and setting his fork down. “I saw Bucky the other night.”

“What?” she gaped. “When? What happened?”

“I snuck down here to get something to eat, and he just showed up out of nowhere. It startled me so bad I dropped everything I had in my hands and I ended up panicking when he tried to talk to me. So I just—I just ran.”

“I don’t blame you,” she shrugged. “Especially with the hostile way he has acted towards you these past two weeks.”

“I’m not—I’m not physically afraid of him. I never was. But I can’t—“

When he bit his lip, Wanda reached across to take his hand. “But you cannot handle the rejection again. Not like what happened in the chamber room.”

“It’s pathetic, I know. I’m Captain America, I should be better than this.”

“But you are also human, Steven,” she hushed. “And a normal human would have already broken under the things you have been through. I know I would have.”

“You lost your brother.”

“And you lost everyone you ever knew, especially the man you loved,” she sharply reminded him. “And just when you thought you were getting him back, he chose to go into cryo. Then, when you finally find the way to bring him out of it, he refuses to even speak to you. If you are not angry, then I am for you. Sam, as well as Natasha, are too.”

His brows furrowed. “Tasha?”

“That night she went looking for you, she’d come back and they argued. It was all in Russian, so I could only understand bits of what was being said, but she was furious.”

“Good for Talia,” Rune agreed as she sprawled out in the chair next to him.

“I didn’t mean to cause a fight,” he frowned. “If Bucky doesn’t want to talk to me it’s his choice. It’s been a long time since he’s had that.”

“You stop feeling bad and keep eating,” Wanda ordered, Steve obediently going back to his noodle bowl. A few minutes later she suddenly perked up, her eyes catching on someone just behind him. “Sam!”

Steve flinched. “Shit.”

“Look who finally came out of his stupid hidey-hole,” Sam grumbled as he collapsed into the chair next to Wanda. He took a moment to glance him over before leaning his elbows forward against the table. “You look like crap.”

“You should have seen him before I forced him into the shower,” Rune snorted, grinning when Steve shot her a side-glare. “Hey, you seemed oblivious to your hygiene there for a few days.”

“Yeah, I guess hiding didn’t really solve anything,” he gave in with a sigh. “Sorry for shutting you guys out.”

“We’ll give you the excuse of a few mental health days. Do it again though and we won’t be so nice,” Sam warned. “Now hand me that apple.”

By the time Steve had eaten a four course meal he felt better, and having Sam and Wanda to distract him helped too. As one hour turned into two however, the lack of sleep started to catch up to him, his eyes drooping where his head was resting in his hand. When he heard Wanda giggle his eyes shot open. “Wh-wha?”

“You are falling asleep in your dessert, Steven.”

Sure enough, when he glanced down, he realized he’d accidentally put his elbow into his pie. “Gross. Why didn’t you tell me?”

He meant the question to be for Rune, but thankfully Wanda and Sam thought it was being direction at them. “It was funny to watch,” Sam shrugged.

“Basically what they said,” Rune agreed.

“When was the last time you slept?” Wanda questioned.

Steve felt his face flush as he scratched at his head. “Day before yesterday?”

“Jesus, Steve!” Sam gaped.

“Hence my presence!” Rune jazz-handed.

“Upstairs and into bed. Sam and I will be by to check in on you later.”

“And to restock that kitchen of yours,” Sam agreed. “Get some sleep, Steve.”

“Thanks, you guys,” he offered a smile as he stood up. It’d only been a few hours but he already felt a ton better. “I’ll see you later.”

“Good-night, Steven,” Wanda smiled, Sam waving him off.

Rune stayed silent until they were alone in the elevator. “I can already tell you’re feeling better.”

“Yeah. I didn’t think—I honestly didn’t think just sitting and talking with them would help so much.”

“They’re you’re friends. It’s what they’re here for, if you’d let them.”

He sighed with a nod as he leaned against the wall. “I know. Once again, you’re right.”

“At this point I’m more your conscious than a hallucination. Should I start wearing a top hat and tux like-like, shit, what was the grasshopper’s name?”

“He’s Jiminy Cricket, not a grasshopper.”

“Well excuse me!”

“You should know that,” Steve teased as the doors opened at his floor and they stepped out into the hall. “You’re younger than me, remember? You should have seen twice the Disney movies I have.”

“Yeah well, Pinocchio is your generation.”

“It came out while I was in the war!”

“Excuses, Rogers. Excuses.”

“Oh hush. Just because you—“

“Steve?”

Steve and Rune both froze, a tremor flooding through him. Slowly he turned his head only to find Bucky standing a few feet away. Shit, how long had he been standing there? “Think he heard you?” Rune whispered. Steve didn’t bother to glare.

Not that he could get his brain functioning enough to do anything but stare currently. He swallowed thickly, fingers twisting in front of him. “Um, hi, Bucky. What-what are you doing up here?”

“I came looking for you, actually.” If he had any suspicions about Steve talking to himself, he thankfully didn’t make them known. “You weren’t in your room when I knocked.”

“Wanda and Sam took me downstairs for lunch. We had—uh—we had sandwiches.”

He could hear Rune slap a hand against her forehead. “Oh God, you fail at this.”

Bucky gave a small smile. “Yeah? Were they good at least?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s good. Um, look, I wanted to apologize for the other night,” Bucky started. “Actually, I wanted to apologize for a lot of things.”

Steve sighed as he shrugged slumping shoulders. He didn’t have the energy for this conversation, but he hadn’t spoken this much with Bucky for so long he’d forced himself to stay.

_Three months, nineteen days, nine hours, fifty minutes, two seconds._

He quickly shook the mental timer from his thoughts. Definitely not the time for that. “It’s fine, Buck. I get it.”

“No, I don’t—I really don’t think you do,” Bucky frowned. “Can I—can I please come in and we can talk about it?”

God, Steve wanted more than anything to do that, but he wanted to do it when he could put his full attention into the conversation. And right now he was a second away from falling asleep standing up. “I can’t, Buck.” When Bucky’s face fell however, he scrambled. “No! It’s not that I don’t want to. I want to. God, do I want to talk to you, but right now I’m dead on my feet and I’m about to crash. I haven’t—I haven’t been exactly sleeping well and am currently going forty-eight hours on—well, on two hours of sleep.”

“Six hours if you count the whole week,” Rune corrected as she held up six fingers.

“Shit, Steve,” Bucky gaped. “Get to bed. We can talk when you’ve crashed a few hours.”

“I swear I’ll come back to this though, ok? I really do want to talk to you.”

“Yeah, alright. I’m gonna keep you to that,” he gave that smile that always made Steve’s heart flutter. “Night, Steve.”

“Night, Buck.”

With that they separated, Steve unable to stop the growing smile as he walked into his apartment. When he locked it behind him he couldn’t help the happy sigh he let out. “Well now, don’t you look like a lovesick teenager.”

“He spoke to me.”

“Yeah, I saw the whole thing,” Rune chuckled. “Now get to bed. The sooner you sleep this off, the sooner you can talk to him again.”

“You’re right,” he said, immediately making his way to his bedroom. He stripped out of his clothes before face-planting into his bed, Rune taking her usual spot next to him. As the exhaustion began to take over, his body quickly falling under, he reached his hand out. “Rune?”

“Hm?”

“Do you think we’ll be ok? Me and Buck I mean.”

Rune shrugged, her fingers running through his hair again. “If I know Buck, he’ll work hard to make up for everything he’s done. He cares too much to let you disappear now that he’s fixed.”

“I already forgive him, you know,” he said quietly. “I’ll always forgive him. No matter what happens to me.”

“I know, Cap.”

A few minutes trickled by, Steve just on the brink of finally dozing off until a thought occurred. “You’ll disappear again.”

“If you get more than an hour of fucking sleep, probably.”

“Will you be ok with that?”

“Yeah, Steve. If I’m gone, it means you’re ok. And I will always be fine with that.”

“Good,” Steve smiled. “Night, Rune.”

“Доброй ночи, Steve.”

Steve slept for almost twenty hours before he was roused awake. He let out a long yawn, his long limbs stretching across his bed. It was dark out, which mean it was some time in the early morning. Realizing he wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep again, he flipped the sheets from his legs before making his way into the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee. Judging by the fact he had coffee at all meant Sam and Wanda kept to their word and restocked his kitchen. He’d have to thank them when he saw them at breakfast. It wasn’t until he got the coffee machine started however that he realized how quiet everything was. And that’s when he realized why. “Rune?”

Nothing.

He wasn’t sure if he found the lack of response a relief or not, but her being gone meant he was getting better. And that’s all either of them could ask for. After finishing his mug of coffee, he finally glanced at the clock. Since he doubted anyone was up at five he figured now was a better time than not to stop by the gym. Maybe this time he wouldn’t beat his knuckles raw? Once he changed into a clean pair of joggers, by-passing the shirt this time, he headed to the elevator. He wouldn’t be there for very long anyway. If he was late to breakfast he’d have an angry Wanda at his door again and that was the last thing he needed. As cute and innocent looking as she was, he was terrified of her as much as he was Natasha!

It took him a few minutes to pick through Natasha’s playlists before settling on one that didn’t look like it’d hurt his braincells. The treadmill was first on his list. After being banned from the gym for over a week it was nice to get his legs moving and to lose himself in the music. Even if it was to a song about some form of Cha-Cha-esk slide. It was catchy though, and he caught himself once or twice trying to dance along to the singer’s commands. Which was not meant for running on a treadmill…..A few songs later he shifted to the punching bag, once again ignoring the tape he should be using to safely wrap his knuckles with. When a song about a boy band saying good-bye multiple times in a row started, he punched along to the beat. At least this time when he lost himself into the exercise he wasn’t aiming to bleed. He wasn’t aiming to hurt. This time around he was just punching to punch.

Suddenly there was a shadow in his peripheral, Steve sharply turning on his heel with his fists raised in defense. Until he realized it was Clint Barton leaning smugly against the doorway, arms crossed and cocky grin plastered on his face. “Clint! What are you doing here?”

“Nice to see you too, Cap,” he chuckled. “Decided I’d been away from the kids for too long and came for a visit. How you been?”

“Doing as well as I can be,” Steve said as he pulled the buds from his ears. “When did you get in?”

“A few minutes ago. Computer said you were the only one out of their room, which doesn’t surprise me. You always were an early riser,” he teased. “I hear Barnes is out of the ice and finally in the clear though.”

“Yeah. Took a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, but they did amazing work. HYDRA no longer has a hold on him.”

“And how are you doing with the whole situation?”

“What do you mean?”

“Tasha and Wanda have both been updating me on what’s happened since he woke up. Can’t say I’m pleased with any of it, especially considering everything we’ve gone through for him.”

Steve nibbled on his bottom lip as he fiddled with his headphone wires. “We—we’re working on it. He wants to explain himself, and I’m hoping he has a good explanation for everything when I finally get the chance to listen.”

“Yeah, so do I,” Clint agreed. “Now come on, take me to the kid’s room. She’ll be pissed if I don’t visit her right away.”

“Do they know you’re here?”

“Natasha does, but I wanted to surprise Wanda more than anything. Can tell the kid misses me.”

“You were the one she says had the ability to help her more than anyone after the whole Ultron situation. Even after you technically retired you’re the one she trusts the most.”

“Dunno about that, Cap. A lot of things changed after that whole Civil War debacle with Stark,” he shrugged. “Nice to know I’m such a good role model though.”

“Don’t go getting your hopes up too much there, Barton,” Steve clamped a hand against his shoulder. “You’ll hurt yourself.”

“Ok, smartass. Would you put your godlike bod away? You’re making me look bad over here.”

After finding Steve a shirt, they all met at breakfast, Sam and Bucky shaking Clint’s hand as soon as they joined them. “Nice to see retirement has done you well, Barton,” Bucky grinned.

“Glad to see cryo and surgery have done you well too, Barnes,” Clint shot back with a smirk. “In all seriousness, I’m happy to hear you’re finally free.”

“Thanks, I am too,” Bucky’s smile softened. When he took the free seat on Steve’s right, he gently nudged his shoulder, Steve relishing in the brief contact. “Morning, Steve. How’d you sleep?”

“I guess I was out for twenty hours, so I can only assume I’m all caught up on sleep now.”

“Sounds like you needed it.”

“Sleep’s never been easy, Buck. Not even when we were kids.”

“Dunno about that; your snores kept our entire building up most of the time, and that’s when you were a skinny fuck.”

“Did not!” Steve gaped, Bucky grinning wickedly. “Smartass.”

“Ok, children,” Natasha scolded as she waved her fork at them.

“Eat, Steven,” Wanda urged, her head tucked lightly against Clint’s shoulder. “I do not want a repeat of yesterday.”

“What happened yesterday?” Bucky and Clint questioned.

“Nothing. I’ll eat, I promise,” Steve quickly covered as he took the plate she pushed at him. “Thank-you, Wanda.”

They ate and told stories and ate some more, enjoying their time with Clint while they could. He was only visiting for a few days while his family was visiting Laura’s parents, which meant this was a copout from having to visit the in-laws. But they weren’t complaining. Clint had fought for their cause, fought to keep Bucky safe, so they were going to make their time with him last as long as they could. Just as Steve finished off a bowl of grapes Natasha had slid at him, Aneka appeared, security-mode blatant on her face. “Aneka?” Wanda was the first to notice her. “Aneka, what’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry to interrupt your time with Mr. Barton, but you are all needed in the meeting room,” she explained. “We have a situation.”

“Great, that’s always a good sign,” Sam sighed.

“Come on you guys,” Steve ordered, “we better see what the king needs.”

As they all began to file out of the dining area however, Steve felt a light tug at his shirt. When he turned around, he found Bucky watching him. “Bucky?”

“About yesterday,” he hesitated, seeming to chew the thought over. “Can we meet tonight and talk? I don’t care where I just—I need to explain to you what happened the day they defrosted me.”

“You don’t have to, you know.”

Of course Steve wanted to know. He’d been miserable the past two fucking weeks trying to figure out where he’d gone wrong. But if it was too much for Bucky to talk about, he didn’t want to push it. Just the fact Bucky was talking to him again was enough. Thankfully Bucky shook his head. “I do though, Steve. I fucked up, I know that, but I need you to understand why I did everything I’ve done these past two week. You deserve to know, ok? Can you trust me with that much, please?”

“I trust you with everything,” Steve mumbled instantly, his face heating up. “Including my life. Always have.”

Bucky’s face split into a wide smile. “Such a sap.”

“Oh shut up.”

“So tonight. How about I meet you at your place, say around seven?”

“Yeah, Buck,” he agreed. “I’d like that.”

“Oi! Stop romanticizing and pick up the pace!” Sam hollered from the hall.

“Is that even a word?” Bucky questioned as he followed after Steve.

“Who knows anymore. I swear I need to reread the god damn dictionary just to understand people nowadays.”

“God, we’re old.”

“Don’t remind me.”

The group followed Aneka down the stairs and into one of the larger meeting rooms. Sure enough, when they stepped through the doors, they found T’Challa waiting for them. “I am glad you were all able to make it on such short notice.”

“You know us. We’re the lazy half of the Avengers,” Clint shrugged, wincing when Natasha punched him. “Excuse you! You were on the other side!”

“Clint, you’re the only lazy one on this side,” Wanda reminded him through a sigh. “What is going on, T’Challa?”

“It seems Steve and Natasha caused quite the stir when they hit the HYDRA base in Alaska,” he explained, Aneka pressing a few times against the tablet in her hand. 

The screen behind him lit up then, showing what Steve assumed was a live feed of the bunker Rune had destroyed. Something they were continuing to keep on the downlow while Bucky recovered. When Aneka zoomed the view in however they realized there was a large machine digging at the rubble, multiple men they could only assume were HYDRA digging by hand alongside it. “What are they doing?”

“If I had to guess, they think the computer’s hard drive is still intact below.”

“Which means they still believe all of the files, including Barnes’, could still be buried below.”

“That’s impossible. The explosion was centered beneath the computer itself. Nothing could have survived.”

Steve felt a tremor surge through him as the last image he had of Rune alive, her hand pressed against the hand scanner and a sad smile across her face, flashed through his mind. Natasha reached forward to grip his shoulder, though kept her attention forward, thoughtlessly grounding him. He took a few moments to calm himself, letting the images fade, before tuning back into the conversation. “Whatever it is they’re looking for, we need to stop them. If there is a chance something survived, I would like for it not to fall into their hands.”

“So you want us to go back to Alaska, is what you’re saying,” Natasha clarified. “And here I thought today was going to be boring.”

Clint gaped at her. “And my surprised visit isn’t enough?”

“We have worked together for decades and your son is named after me,” she reminded him. “Your visits are more like you coming home from summer camp.”

“Rude.”

“How many of us do you need for this?” Steve asked.

“Barnes’ arm is still in the development phase, so he will have to stay here. Steve, Natasha, and Sam have already been to the site, but considering the enemies’ numbers are growing, I think we will need more than three of you.”

“Welp, I might be on vacation, but I’ll never say no to playing in the snow!” Clint cheered.

“I will stay behind with Barnes. Keep him company,” Wanda opted out with a small smile. 

That smile however was never good and suddenly Steve was very concerned for Bucky’s well-being. Bucky cleared his throat almost nervously. “Uh, thanks, Wanda.”

“It is settled then. Romanoff, Barton, Rogers, and Wilson will stop their excavation mission and clear them all out,” Aneka announced. “The jet will be prepared in one hour. You have until then to prepare.”

“Hey, T’Challa, you got a suit I could borrow?” Clint questioned as he followed the king into the hall. “Maybe a few extra arrows?”

“Mr. Barton, I think you will be pleasantly surprised with what we carry for your particular expertise.”

“I knew I liked you.”

Everyone began to file out again, Steve’s mind already shifting into mission mode. Just as he reached the doorway however he froze. “Tonight!” he exclaimed before sharply turning around. “We were supposed to meet tonight!”

“I don’t think HYDRA will take a break just so we can talk, Stevie,” Bucky chuckled.

Steve frowned as he approached him again. “I don’t want to put it off again though.”

“I know you don’t, and neither do I, but as much as I’d like for you to stay here, we both know you can’t. You’ll end up pacing a hole in the floor with worry before eventually going rogue and flying to Alaska anyway,” Bucky reminded him. “Trust me, we’ve all seen you do it at least once before.”

As much as he wanted to argue with him, he knew he was right. Which was rather annoying. “I know. I just—I don’t want to leave you here.”

“Well, at least this time I’m awake, you know?” he attempted. When Steve seemed to get even more distressed, Bucky grasped the space between his neck and shoulder. “Just come back, ok? As long as you do that, we’ll be fine. Right?”

Steve smiled as he squeezed the top of his hand, desperately wishing he could just pull him into a hug. But this was perfectly fine too; he’ll take any physical contact he could get. “Right.”

“You also need to come back and make sure Maximoff hasn’t killed me.”

“Sorry in advance for that”

“It’s fine. I most likely deserve whatever she’s going to throw at me anyway,” he shrugged before pulling his hand back, Steve barely holding back a whimper from the loss. “Now, you better go and get suited up.”

“I’ll see you when I get back.”

“Take care of yourself, Steve.”

When Steve finally stepped out into the hallway he found Sam waiting for him by the elevators, arms crossed loosely over his chest. He looked less angry than he’d been the past week which Steve was taking as a good sign. “So, you guys going to be alright?” Sam asked as they stepped into the lift. “Or am I gonna have to rebury him on ice?”

“I think we’ll be ok, Sam,” Steve nodded. “But, thanks for the threat in my honor.”

“Someone’s gotta do it for your damsel ass.”

“Hey!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Serbian]  
> Зомби – zombie
> 
> [Russian]  
> Доброй ночи - Goodnight


	6. Chapter 6

Clint talked the entire way to Alaska, updating them on the safe house Natasha had set them up in, the few vacations they’d been on, and how big baby Nathan had gotten. He was definitely getting his looks from Barton’s side. When Natasha gave them a thirty-minute countdown to drop off, they all turned to Steve. “So, Cap, what’s the plan?”

“I’m not Captain America anymore, you know,” he reminded them.

“Still doesn’t mean we aren’t following you,” Sam stated. “Now, again, what’s the plan?”

“Our biggest priority is taking out that machine they’ve got,” Steve zoomed in on the digger from the tablet Aneka had left with them. “Since they’ll probably use it to try and keep us at bay we need to take it out first. Sam, you have the biggest advantage at coming in from above and disabling it.”

“I can do that,” he nodded, his wings adjusting from his back. His original pair was still in Ross’ custody, but thankfully T’Challa had a new, even more advanced set created. “Me and—“

“Tell me you did not name this one too,” Natasha groaned.

The mini Falcon ejected from his pack and hovered around his head. “Robin did nothing to you, did you now girl?”

Steve couldn’t help his laugh at the glare she was giving it. “While he’s doing that, the rest of us will take care of the other agents. Barton, there’s an advantage point on a rock slab just north. Do you think you can make it there in enough time?”

“If not, I’ll improvise,” Clint shrugged. “I’m flexible when necessary.”

“Should I remind you about—“

“No, Tasha, you don’t need to remind me about Bolivia.”

“We aren’t exactly sure what progress has been made, but it looks like they’ve managed to tunnel down into the second floor at least. We can’t let them get any further.”

“They are probably expecting someone to come looking so they’ve more than likely set up traps around the site,” Wilson reminded them. “Just keep an eye out on your surroundings and each other.”

“Got it.”

Barton gave them a physical countdown when they got closer to Kodiak, and as soon as they hit zero, Wilson leapt from the open back, Steve, Clint, and Natasha right behind him when the jet reached a low enough point. As soon as HYDRA realized they were being ambushed they went into attack mode. Clint and Natasha lead Steve into the chaos, taking out as many as they could before separating, Steve taking up the rear when they split. His fist collided with the closest agent he could reach, kicking back his partner when he made to take him from behind. There were more agents than he thought, but nothing the four of them couldn’t handle together. Just as Steve throat-punched an agent, Natasha rolling passed as she tackled another, there was an explosion, the machine they’d been using now just a smoldering piece of metal.

“ _What happened to disabling, Wilson?_ ” Clint asked through the coms.

“ _A bomb was easier to wedge in the exhaust_ ,” Sam waved him off. “ _Still had the same effect though!_ ”

“Keep focused! We need to get that new entrance closed off,” Steve reminded them as he gunned down the agent sneaking up behind Natasha. “Anyone got any ideas?”

“ _Yup, just give me a second. Keep our friends distracted_ ,” Sam asked.

Steve watched him as he made a dive for the burning hunk of metal. He hovered above it before making a grab for his pack, what looked like a wench dropping down into his hand. As soon as he hooked it onto the machine, he shot into the hair, his wings having to use extra thrust to finally get it moving. He didn’t go far though, for as soon as it had lined up with the new entrance HYDRA had tried to recreate, he dropped it. The weight of the digger hit the frail structure and instantly it collapsed into itself, everything once again sealed shut with rubble and even more metal.

“Good job, Sam!” Steve cheered. “Now, let’s take care of the rest of these stragglers.”

By the time they finished off the last agent on site, it’d been less than twenty minutes. Natasha toed at a few bodies around her just to make sure they were actually dead. “Was that really it? I expected more of a challenge than that.”

“Spread out and make sure we caught all of them. A few could have run off as soon as we showed up,” Steve reminded them.

“ _Cowards_.”

“ _It’s HYDRA, Barton_ ,” Sam said as he landed next to him on the cliffside he’d taken shelter on. “ _Are you really surprised?_ ”

Steve rolled his eyes, shaking his head fondly, as he listened to them banter. Sometimes he felt like the father of a bunch of super-enhanced orphans. He made his way through the snow and into the woods, his free ear listening out for any sudden movements that weren’t his team. When he made it about one-hundred feet he heard the snap of a twig, someone darting through the trees just ahead of him. “I’ve got a survivor! I’m going after them.”

“ _Careful, Rogers,_ ” Natasha warned as Steve weaved his way after the agent. “ _Like you said, there could be traps._ ”

Doing his best to keep himself aware he followed the figure for almost two hundred feet before he lost them in a clearing. Slowly he continued forward, trying to find hints in the snow of where they’d gone. It wasn’t until he reached about the midway point however that he heard someone call his name. “Captain!” a woman shouted as she stepped from behind a boulder. “We were hoping you’d return.”

“And what were you hoping to accomplish if I did?”

When she lifted her hand Steve noticed the trigger. Sure enough, when he glanced down, he noticed the wide perimeter of dynamite set up in an octagon around him. Dammit, why couldn’t he follow his own fucking advice? “ _Steve?_ ” Sam called into his coms. “ _Steve, what’s going on?_ ”

“Shit. Wait!”

Then, the agent pushed the button.

He watched as the single pipes of dynamite exploded one-by-one around him, the ground almost instantly caving beneath his feet and sending him tumbling down beneath the earth. He wasn’t sure how long he fell, but when he finally hit something besides air, pain shot up through his legs, his head cracking against something hard. He was conscious long enough to hear his teammates staticked shouts through the coms, the world still rumbling around him. Then, everything went black.

“Steve?”

Something was poking at the back of his mind, the voice echoing through his thoughts getting not only louder, but clearer too. What the hell happened?

“Oi, Steve! вставай, вставай.”

Slowly Steve came to, his eyes opening to pure darkness. His head throbbed, something wet trickling down his temple as he shifted his face from the dirt it was pressed into. Just as he made to shift into a sitting position however, white hot pain burst through his legs, his teeth clamping into his lip just in time to stifle a scream.

“Your legs are broken. You’ve gotta stop moving!”

“R-Rune?”

“Yeah. Can’t say I’m exactly happy to be back here, but considering you cracked your head pretty good, I ain’t surprised.”

“Where—“he swallowed the desert in his throat. “Where are we?”

“If I had to guess? The escape tunnel that belonged to the HYDRA bunker back there,” she explained. “When everything caved in under you, I think you bounced down the surviving end of the tunnel just in time not to be crushed to death. Unfortunately, you broke your legs and cracked your skull in the landing.”

“Fuck, I feel like I’m going to puke.”

“Don’t you dare. I can’t roll you over if you start choking on it.” Steve took a few deep breaths in an attempt to keep the panic at bay. It didn’t help he couldn’t see his own hand in front of his fucking face. “Care to explain how you keep ending up the damsel in distress?”

“Fuck you,” he groaned when Rune chuckled. “What-what do we do? I can’t move.”

“How long will the serum take to heal your legs enough to stand?”

“At least twenty-four hours.”

“Then it looks like we’re waiting here for a day or two,” she sighed. “As shitty as that is, I do have a positive to this situation.”

“And what’s that?”

“This end of the tunnel still has an exit. If you’d landed on the other side, you’d have been pinned between bunker rubble and dynamite rubble and most likely suffocated. At least here we know there’s a way out.”

“How-how far?”

“Not entirely sure. No point in worrying about it now though, you know? Let’s just focus on getting you walking first.”

Because of his concussion, sleeping was out of the question, Rune doing her best to be as annoying as possible to try and keep him awake. Which was working. As much as he knew it was a bad sign his hallucinations were back, it was better than lying cold, alone, and in pain in a HYDRA tunnel. It also helped time go by faster and almost kept his mind off of the feeling of his legs snapping themselves back together. He didn’t know how long it took for them to heal enough, but as soon as he felt he could walk again, he was moving. He used the wall of the tunnel to get himself upright, his fingers digging in when his knees threatened to buckle. His legs still hurt but he could walk and right now that’s what they needed. Slow moving was better than no moving.

“Talk to me, Steve,” Rune called from in front of him, helping guide him down to the exit. “What’s been happening since I left?”

“Clint Barton came to Wakanda,” Steve grit out, desperately trying to ignore the agony of his body. “He says he wanted to—wanted to stop by for a visit, but I know he worries about us. S’pecially Wanda.”

“Yeah? They close?”

“He was the one who took her under his w-wing after Ultron. I mean, they talk whenever they can and she loves-l-loves his kids,” Steve explained. “I know that having to watch Ross literally collar her when they were in the tank enraged him. He went straight to her as soon as I was able to get him out. Leaving her behind to protect his family was the hardest thing he ever had to do.”

“Wanda understands though, right?”

“She does. Didn’t make it any e-easier though considering she was forced, again, from her home and into a place she doesn’t-doesn’t know. Aneka, T’Challa’s head of security, befriended her early on and I think that’s what has helped her warm up to Wakanda so much.”

“I’m glad someone else was able to help her too. She needs to make more friends her age anyway; she knows too many of you old folks.”

“You ain’t exactly a spring chicken, you know.”

“No idea what you’re talking about, Cap,” she called. When Steve stumbled over himself, his hands barely managing to keep him upright, Rune was right next to him. “Keep talkin’ to me, Steve. Besides Barton, anything else exciting happen?”

He knew what she was poking at; it had been the last thing they talked about before she disappeared last time. “We planned to talk about it last-last night but then I got called onto this mission.”

“But you’re still going to talk about everything, right?”

“He says—he says he knows that he fucked up, but he wants to explain everything to me. Says I deserve to know.”

“He ain’t wrong. At this point we all want to know what the hell he was thinkin’.”

It felt like Steve had been walking for miles. His legs were beginning to go numb with cold, his concussion continuing to make the world tilt and cause his nausea to spike. The barely-there energy he had at the beginning of this was nearly tapped and at this point he wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep going. “Rune,” he panted, “how-how much farther?”

“We’re almost to the exit, I promise. Keep moving, Steve. Come on.”

Just like she’d said, the tunnel suddenly widened out, Steve nearly pitching forward at the suddenly change. Everything was dark still, but when he squinted, he swore he could just see the outline of a door. “Is that—is that it?”

“Shit,” Rune suddenly cursed. “No! No, no, no, no, no, no!”

“Rune? Rune, what’s happening?”

“It’s fucking frozen shut!”

Steve’s stomach sank. “Wh-what?”

He could hear her hands sliding over the large hunk of metal. “The ocean must be close enough for the precipitation and backsplash to wash over the door. Since it’s damn near zero degrees out there it just completely froze over it. Fuck!” she exclaimed, her fist slamming loudly against it. “Why the hell can’t HYDRA use wood like normal people?”

“So what—Rune, what do we do? I don’t have the-the strength or energy to b-break through that.”

“Don’t panic, Steve. You can’t put yourself in worse condition than you already are,” Rune reminded him. “Let’s start by sitting you down. Your legs still need to heal.”

“It’s going to-going to get colder now that we’re closer to the coast, you know that, r-right?”

Steve was cold enough as it was, and getting any colder wasn’t something he wanted to experience. Ever since waking up from the ice he avoided feeling even remotely cold. His showers were always scalding hot and whenever they were going anywhere even near 40 degrees he was sure to wear as many layers under his suit as he could without too much notice. Cold brought too many bad memories and the last thing he needed during a mission was a fucking panic attack. Now though, he was in a frozen cave, his layers barely doing anything to keep his body heat reigned in. His head ached, his body was numb, and he was already beginning to shiver intensely.

“Do you think—“he desperately tried to keep his teeth from chattering, “—do you think they’re looking for me?”

“Even if they think you’re dead they’ll still look for you. I mean, hell, how long did Stark Sr. search for your corpse?” Rune questioned. “Wait, isn’t mine around here?”

“So not funny, Rune.”

“Too soon?” she attempted to tease as she sat down next to him. “They’ll find you, Steve. Your team is a determined group, I’ll give them that.”

But when exactly would they be able to find him? After he’d frozen to death? Again? He’d lost the feeling in his toes a long time ago, which was never a good thing, even if he wasn’t in the middle of Alaska. Worse than that, Steve really didn’t want to die. Yes, maybe a week ago he wouldn’t have minded if his lights went out permanently. Now though, with Bucky awake and wanting to talk to him, seeming to actually want him in his life, Steve didn’t want to die. Not here, not now. He had so much left to do and say and he couldn’t do any of that here.

“He won’t know.”

“Hm?”

“Bucky. He’ll never know how I feel about him if I die in here,” he whispered. “I know—I know he’ll never feel the same, but he has to kn-know how much he means to me. How much having him back in my-my life has brought _me_ back to life.”

“Then you better not give up, you hear? Because I know he expects you to come back to him too.”

Steve managed a nod, his body attempting to curl further into himself. It was a fight for him, that was for sure. Not only did he have to try and keep himself awake, but he was getting too cold now. His entire body was numb, his mind going sluggish as his breathing became harder and harder to catch. “It’s so fucking c-cold, Rune.”

“Just hang in there, Steve. Come on, you gotta stay with me.”

“It-it reminds me of the plane. How slow it t-took to die,” he whimpered against the memories, his eyes squeezing shut. “Everyone-everyone thinks I was knocked o-o-out on impact, but I wasn’t. In fact, if-if I’d tried, I probably could-could have gotten out.”

“Steve…”

“I was done trying, Rune. Bucky was gone. Red skull was gone. The world-world didn’t really n-need Captain America any-anymore. I know-kn-know I could have m-m-married Peggy. Lived happily. But my heart—“the words choked in his throat as the tears filled and froze down his cheeks, “—my heart had fallen into a ravine the week before. He was g-gone. Buck-Buck was gone and I couldn’t fight anymore. I couldn’t. So I laid d-down and-and waited to die. Only to wake up ag-again seventy years later in-in a w-world that I di-didn’t know. Fuck, all I wanted was to go-to go home.”

His shivering had lessened. Steve swore he didn’t even feel cold anymore. “Steve?” Rune called. Her voice sounded distant, like she wasn’t sitting next to him anymore and instead had walked back down the tunnel. “Steve? Hey! Hey, come on, Cap!”

“I just—“Steve began to slump over. “I just need some-some sleep.”

“Shit, you’re starting to go into hypothermia! You can’t go to sleep, you hear me? Steve!”

“Just….a minute…..”

When his body began to go lax however is when he heard it. Something hard slammed into the metal door, though Steve didn’t even flinch at the sound. It repeated over and over again, Rune continuing to frantically call out to whatever was trying to get in. “In here! He’s in here, please, help!”

That’s when the door broke free, the heavy metal denting inward before crashing to the ground, a large figure stepping through the new entrance. “Steve!”

Warmth pooled in Steve’s stomach at the sound, a smile tugging at his lips. “B-Buck.”

“Jesus, Stevie,” Bucky cursed as he stripped his jacket and bundled it around Steve. “You ok? Are you hurt?”

“He’s got a fucked head and is going into hypothermia!” Rune shrieked. “Get him the fuck out of here!”

“S’cold, Buck,” Steve whined as he curled into the new warmth, the shivering slowly beginning to return. “Head hurts.”

“It’s alright, I got you. Let’s get you the hell out of this place,” Bucky said as he briefly pressed the com in his ear. “I’ve got him. Looks like he’s got a cracked skull and possible hypothermia symptoms. Bringing him back to the jet.”

“Thank you!” Rune threw her hands up, exasperated.

A pair of arms slid around Steve then, easily hiking him up into an even warmer chest. Steve managed to worm an arm free to wrap around his neck, lessening the weight he had to carry. As soon as he was securely in Bucky’s grasp, Bucky made his way back out into the snow. It wasn’t until a few minutes later, the feeling slowly returning to his torso and limbs, that Steve gained enough lucidity to realize Bucky was carrying him. With _two_ arms. “Y’got your arm.”

“Yeah, well, couldn’t exactly save your ass with one, now could I?”

“Are you ok?”

Bucky bellowed out a laugh as he shook his head. “Wilson’s right. You really are a self-sacrificing idiot. Always caring about everyone’s health over your own.”

“S’a serious question.”

“I’m alright. It’s lighter than the last one, and this one doesn’t pull on my spine when I move, so no, there’s no pain.”

Steve sighed in relief, his face shoving into Bucky’s neck who hummed at the contact. “I missed you, Buck.”

“I missed you too, Stevie. But you gotta stop scaring the shit outta me like this.”

“Gotta-gotta keep ya on your toes.”

“Half-frozen and still a smartass.”

“It’s his specialty apparently,” Rune huffed from where she was wandering behind them.

“Shh,” Steve hushed. “He’ll hear you.”

“Hear who, Steve?” Bucky frowned down at him.

“No one, Buck,” Steve sighed. “Just tired.”

When they finally reached the jet, Bucky didn’t set him down until they were inside, Wanda, Sam, and Natasha immediately joining them. Looked like everyone came back to look for him. After wrapping him with a warming blanket and bandaging the still healing crack in his head, Clint took off back to the palace. Bucky was sure to stick close though. He gently rearranged them until Steve’s head was pooled against his thigh, the fingers of his human hand soothingly pulling through the hair peeking out from beneath the bandages. “Can you feel your toes yet?”

“No, but-but I can feel my arm enough to p-punch you.”

“Is that any way to talk to your knight in shining armor?”

“Is that a crack at-at your m-metal arm?”

“It’s my arm. I can crack at it if I wanna.”

Steve rolled his eyes before shifting deeper beneath the blanket. A few minutes passed, the sound of the engine beginning to lull him to sleep again. Knowing he couldn’t fall asleep without Bucky, Natasha, or most likely Rune, waking him up again, he cleared his throat. “Buck? What happened when we woke you up?”

“You want to talk about that now?”

“I can’t go to sleep, so we might as well talk about something that will keep me awake, right?” Steve attempted. “Please?”

Bucky glanced him over, giving one more pass through his hair, before he nodded. “Alright. But first, I should give you a bit of a background on the way they conditioned me. Yeah, there was the chair, and cryo, but they did a lot of mental and emotional manipulation too. Especially after they found out you were alive. You became priority, most likely because of who I was to you; there was a huge chance that I would have broken through all of their work as soon as I saw you, and they couldn’t risk that. So, they taught me to act first, think later. They’d show me pictures of you and train me to kill on sight. Every time I saw you, whether it was a video or photo, I couldn’t hesitate. And if I did, there were consequences. For a while I was able to keep the training from settling in, but right before Project Insight, they broke through.”

“I tried to keep their conditioning from sticking, and for a long time I was successful. Instead of seeing you and wanting to kill, I taught him to see you and think of his favorite memory of the two of you,” Rune added from where she was sitting by his feet. Steve had figured she was the one who’d been able to help him. “After they threw me in the pit though, there was no more barrier protecting him from them. I can’t even imagine what they put him through just to make sure killing you stuck.”

“Even when I started getting my memories back, the conditioning was still there. Sometimes I’d see a banner with your face on it, or see a news program on TV about Captain America, and then suddenly I was the soldier again. Should have seen the one time I accidentally put a cosplayer in a chokehold,” he chuckled nervously, though it fell flat. “The urge came up after you found me too. That first day in my apartment, again at the airport, and even right before I went into cryo. It was hard trying to fight against my instincts, but I couldn’t—I’ve hurt you enough in this life, Steve. I couldn’t do it again. Going into cryo was almost a relief in a way because it meant the thoughts went quiet and that you were safe from me.”

“And when-when you woke up?”

“It was worse. Whenever HYDRA woke me up from cryo it usually meant I was going into the chair, so I was always on my guard. Being on my guard meant old habits came up, and sure enough, as soon as I saw you standing there, I plotted six different ways to kill you right then and there. And it scared the shit out of me, Steve. The only reason you would have woken me up is if you’d found a way to fix me, and the way I thank you is by almost ripping your throat out? So I-I panicked. I know it was selfish to keep you away, but I thought it was the best option we had. But if I’d known— _fuck_ , Steve. If I’d known how much it was hurting you I would have said something sooner. And that’s where I fucked up, I know I did, and I’m sorry. After everything you’ve done for me, everything you’ve sacrificed, and had to go through while I was in cryo again, you deserved better. You always have.

“I deserve if it you’re still pissed at me. You’ve gone through so much, Steve, and my biggest regret is that you had to do it alone. I hope someday you’ll be able to forgive me for what I did, but for now I hope you’ll let me stick around and let me make it up to you. You’re my best friend, always have been and always will be, and I can’t do this without you. Never could.”

Steve’s throat was tight, the tears beginning to trickle down his cheeks. Bucky didn’t resent him after all. Everything he’d done hadn’t been out of anger or hate, it had been out of fear. Fear for Steve’s safety. He still wanted Steve in his life and all he wanted in return was to make sure Steve wanted to still be in his. Before Steve could stop it, a sob caught in his throat, the tears unstoppable as they flooded down his face. Steve hadn’t cried like this since Bucky fell. He never allowed himself to. Sure, a few tears would slip through here and there, but he never let himself show that weakness. He couldn’t show that kink in his armor to his team. Now though the relief and emotions were too much to keep back anymore. When the sob finally broke free he sharply turned his body so he could stifled his cries into Bucky’s hip, his fingers digging into the fabric of his shirt and pants.

“Aw, Stevie,” Bucky tsked. “C’mere.”

It took some maneuvering, but as soon as Steve was seated in Bucky’s lap, he clung to him like a fucking tree. “I thought you hated me,” he choked out against his neck. “I thought you blamed me for having to go back into cryo.”

Bucky softly hushed him, his hand running up and down his spine as he tucked his head beneath his cheek. “Could never hate you, punk. Not now, not ever.”

Steve tried getting himself back under control, but it took almost thirty minutes for his cries to die off, Bucky quietly soothing him the whole time. The team thankfully seemed to keep to themselves through the entire ordeal, something he was silently grateful for. They knew a private moment when they saw one. When he was finally able to catch his breath Steve slowly pulled back to face him, ignoring how wet and puffy his face must be. “Don’t disappear on me again, ok? Stop going where I can’t follow. I can’t—I won’t be able to handle it again, Buck.”

“Hey,” Buck brushed the lingering tears away, “I’m with you til the end of the line, pal. Remember? I ain’t goin’ anywhere without you. Not anymore.”

A weight Steve hadn’t realized he’d been holding suddenly slid from his shoulders, his face instantly shoving back into Bucky’s neck as he curled back up in his lap. As long as Bucky would let him get away with it, he wasn’t moving from this spot. “Get some sleep, alright? I’ll wake you up when we land back in Wakanda.”

“Thanks, Buck.”

“Looks like you got your guy back after all,” Rune grinned from her seat down the bench. When Steve discreetly flipped her off, she bellowed out a laugh. “Good night, Steve. Glad you made it out.”

Turns out, Steve had been gone for almost four full days. He was dehydrated, starving, and his legs ended up having to be rebroken just to heal right again. Bucky never left his side though and was sure to keep him company the entire time he recovered in the hospital. Because of the medications and still healing fracture in his skull, Rune was in and out still too, though not as prominent as before. She said it was because his emotional health wasn’t all over the place anymore now that he had his best friend back, meaning he didn’t need to cling to her hallucination’s comfort.

“I don’t cling to you,” Steve denied once he was sure Bucky was asleep, his head resting just next to his hip on the hospital bed.

“I didn’t mean literally, Steve. I just meant that you clung to the comfort of having someone else you could finally spill years and years of repression to.”

“I don’t have years and years of repression!” he defended again. At Rune’s unimpressed look he sighed. “Ok, fine. Maybe a little.”

“Good boy. Acceptance is key.”

“So does that mean, when the meds are finally worked out of my system, you’ll disappear again?” he questioned. When Rune nodded he frowned. “And you won’t ever come back?”

“I mean, you don’t need me anymore, Steve. Not only are you beginning to trust your team with your emotional obstacles now, but you’ve got Buck back,” she motioned to the mop of brown hair next to his hand. Steve couldn’t help the faint smile as he lightly brushed his fingers through Bucky’s hair, Bucky’s nose wrinkling before he buried his face deeper into the sheet. “These are the people you need to surround yourself with. Not a girl you’ve projected from the dead. I do have a request before I go though, Steve.”

“And what’s that?”

“Tell him.” 

Steve went stiff, his attention jerking up from Buck’s sleeping face. “What?”

“You said so yourself when we were down in that tunnel that you almost died without being able to tell him. Well, guess what? You’ve gotten a third-fourth-whatever the hell chance this is, and I want you to take it. And before you try to argue with me, just trust me on this, ok? Maybe it won’t be as bad as you’re thinkin’.”

“Yeah, well,” he shrugged. “I’ll think about it.”

“That’s all I can ask,” she smiled. “I’m glad you’re healing Steve. I think it was a few years overdue.” 

“A few decades is more like it.”

They fell into comfortable silence, Rune staying in her place by the door, her eyes glued to the TV. Sam, Natasha, Clint, and Wanda all stopped by for a little while with food for both he and Bucky from the dining hall. Even T’Challa stopped by to check in on him, none of them leaving until almost nine. Bucky desperately tried to stay awake afterwards, but having a belly full of food always knocked him out. Had been that way since he was a kid; Thanksgiving was the worst. You could always guarantee he’d fall asleep at the dinner table. So, sure enough, a few minutes after they started watching The King and I, he was passed out in his chair. When Steve made to joke at Rune about it however, he suddenly realized how transparent she looked. “Rune?”

“Yeah, Steve. I guess it’s time,” she smiled broadly as she spread her hands out in front of herself. “Since we’ve said good-bye so many times already, I’m just going to say this, alright? You take care of yourself, Steve Rogers. Not only that, but for the love of Christ, let everyone else help take care of you too. They want to, and they’ll do a damn good job of it if your stubborn ass would let them.”

His face flushed but he nodded. “I-I can do that.”

“Also, take care of him. He’s more himself now than he ever was with me, but the scars are still there, and you’re the only one who will be able to help him the way he needs,” she whispered. “Seventy plus years you guys have been separated through ice and sleep and all kinds of shit. Now that you guys are finally together again, don’t waste it. Or else I won’t come back as a hallucination, I’ll come back as a ghost and haunt your ass.”

“Thank-you,” Steve smiled just before Rune finally faded back into his memories. “For everything.”

Steve was released from the hospital two days later. His skull had finally healed back to the perfect shape it’d been in before, and his legs were once again super-soldier strong. Clint had stayed in Wakanda for a week more than intended to make sure Steve got home and healed in one piece. As he was leaving he promised to keep in touch, Wanda hugging him extra long before finally releasing him to board the jet. Bucky still stuck to him like glue after that too, and even had his room moved to the one across the hall from him, something Steve would never complain about. “How is it I’ve seen the Sound of Music, but you haven’t?” Bucky asked.

They were on their way down to dinner, Sam having texted a few minutes ago with the warning that he was a second away from dragging them both downstairs by their ears. Bucky and he had been in the middle of going over Steve’s list of ‘To Do’s’ that had only been growing since he’d woken up. “Because apparently all these other movies and TV shows were more important, according to Sam at least.”

“Looks like we are doing some rearranging tonight after dinner. I mean, how can you watch Tangled before Toy Story? The pizza truck is a huge Easter egg!”

“A what?” Steve’s brows furrowed. “What does pizza have to do with Easter?”

“Oh, Stevie. We have so much work to do with you.”

“Shut up,” he punched him in the shoulder when he burst into laughter. “I’m not that bad.”

“Boys,” Natasha scolded when they reached the table, “am I going to have to separate you two?”

They both immediately went silent, Natasha grinning victoriously at them. “Steven, go fill a plate. You too, Barnes.”

“Yes, Wanda.”

“So, I’m heading back to the states tomorrow,” Natasha announced once everyone was seated. “Figured it was time considering I’ve been here for almost a month now.”

“Ha! A month,” Sam shot her a glare which Natasha ignored.

“We will miss having you around, Natasha,” Wanda smiled.

“Yeah. It’s never the same without you,” Steve agreed.

“I am the glue that keeps this group together, you know,” she flipped her hair for emphasis. “But, now that our _wild goose chase_ is over, I might just stop by more often.”

When she pointed her glare directly at Bucky he snorted. “Я был заморожен.”

“И тем не менее, ты был самой большой проблемой.”

“Я это исправлю, Наталья.”

“Начиная с него, Barnes.”

“Enough you two,” Wanda cut in, most likely understanding the base of their argument. “Steve, would you mind coming to my room with me?”

Steve blinked at her in confusion. “Is everything alright?”

“It is. I just needed you to help me with something.”

He nodded without hesitation as he swallowed down his cheekful of grapes. His attention then turned to Bucky and Sam. “Are we still on for movies tonight at my place?”

“Yup. I’ve got an appointment with T’Challa’s tech team though,” he said, emphasizing his point by waggling his metal fingers at him. “They want to do some scans now that I’ve taken it on a test run.”

“By punching down a steel door,” Sam muttered.

“Did you want me to come with you?”

It was pointless offering, Steve knew that. Even though the words were gone, which meant the conditioning had finally been obliterated too, it didn’t mean the paranoia of hurting him had died off. And having the metal arm back had only heightened that fear. He’d had it for over a week now and he’d yet to touch Steve with it, even going as far as sticking to Steve’s left side to keep from brushing him with it, but Steve wasn’t going to press the matter until he was ready. “Nah,” Bucky shook his head. “It’ll bore the shit out of you anyway. I’ll just meet you up at your place around seven.”

“Wonderful. Come along, Steven,” Wanda coaxed as she held her hand out for him, Steve gingerly taking it as he followed her out of the dining area.

“So, what did you need help with?” he asked as they stepped through the door of her apartment. “Usually Sam needs help rearranging the furniture.”

“I actually do not need help with anything,” she said simply before sitting onto her sectional. “Come, sit.”

“Why do I feel like you’re about to scold me for something?”

“I am actually about to apologize to you.”

That had Steve sitting, confusion thick. “Why? You haven’t done anything.”

“There was a reason I had stayed behind while the rest of our team went to Alaska.” She hesitated briefly, Steve patiently waiting for her to continue. “I might have given Barnes a piece of my mind.”

“Wanda…”

“Please, let me finish,” she hushed as she raised a hand to silence him. She waited until Steve nodded before she took a breath and continued. “Pietro used to tell me I had the annoying habit of acting before thinking, especially when defending the ones I care about. Ever since you broke me out of Ross’ pit and told us what Bucky decided to do, I have had a bone to pick with him. And seeing his actions since finally waking up, I’ve more wished to push him over a cliffside than speak to him. When you guys left for Alaska however, I saw my chance, and I jumped on it. Kind of literally, actually.”

“Oh, Wanda,” he groaned. “Please tell me you didn’t hurt him.”

“Not much,” she mumbled. “I only used my magic to block his escape routes, I swear, but I did not go easy on him verbally. All I wanted to know was _why_. I understand he doesn’t really owe us anything, we were merely soldiers fighting behind your leadership, but I couldn’t stand by and watch what you were going through any more. You have sacrificed more than any of us and you have still gone through his tortures as supportive as ever. And I needed him to understand, Steven. I needed him to see what all of this has done to you! It wasn’t fair that he got to continue hiding while your emotions were still put on display for all of us! You have been the center of the world’s attention and criticism for so long it wasn’t fair it was still happening even after you dropped the shield. _Све то за њега_!”

Steve couldn’t help his light chuckle as he grasped one of the hands she’d throw into the air. “Ok, Wanda. I get it.”

“Yeah, well, I wanted to feel victorious, but as soon as I told him what was happening with you he—um—how do I describe this? I think he, broke?”

“What?”

“He went quiet for a long time and then suddenly he looked as if I had ripped his heart from his chest. I don’t think—I believe he thought what he’d been doing really had been for the best. But finding out what it was actually doing to you hurt him to hear. I haven’t seen such heartbreak on a man since you,” she sighed, the image probably flashing through her mind. “It wasn’t long after that we got the news you had been ambushed. You should have seen Barnes when they tried to tell him there was a chance you hadn’t made it through the blast.”

“We never could accept it when people told us the other was dead.”

“He didn’t waste any time either, you know. We’d barely hung up with Natasha when he was marching straight into T’Challa’s company and demanding the arm. They tried to warn him that using it right after surgery was dangerous but—well, your friend is just as stubborn as you are, Steven.”

“I know. We never were the best influence on each other,” he grinned. “Thanks, Wanda. You really are one of the best friends I could have ever asked for.”

“It is the least I can do for everything you and the others have done. After losing my brother, it was hard, but you all were what helped me through. And that is something I will never be able to properly thank you for.”

Steve gently pulled her into a hug, tucking her head beneath his chin. “You will always be a part of this family.”

“A family that will be fixed someday, once this Civil War thing blows over.”

“Yeah,” Steve sighed. “I hope so.”

After another few minutes Wanda pulled away, taking a moment to readjusted her hair. “Come, you have a movie date to get to.”

Steve sputtered as she pulled him to his feet. “It’s-it’s not a date!”

“Sure, Steven.”

“Sam is going to be there!”

“My, my. I did not know you were so adventurous.”

“Oh my God,” he slapped a hand over his face. “You are forbidden from ever speaking to Natasha again.”

“But she has such good advice!”

“No. No she does not. You are too young for her advice. I am going to have a talk with her before she leaves tomorrow. Yup. A long fucking talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Russian]  
> вставай, вставай – Wakey, wakey  
> Я был заморожен – I was frozen  
> И тем не менее, ты был самой большой проблемой – And yet you were the biggest problem  
> Я это исправлю, Наталья – I’ll fix it, Natalia  
> Начиная с него, Barnes – Starting with him, Barnes
> 
> [Serbian]  
> Све то за њега – All of this for him!


	7. Chapter 7

Now that Steve was free to use the gym again, he was taking advantage of it. Since his legs took longer to heal after having to be rebroken, the doctors insisted he take it easy on the treadmill. It was necessary for physical therapy but doing too much was counterproductive. It was also nice to be able to punch something again too, although now he was using tape like a responsible gym attendee. And it had nothing to do with the scolding he got from Bucky when he found out he’d been going without it for so long. Just as Natasha’s Playlist of the day came to an end with a Frank Sinatra song Steve actually knew, he heard the doors open. He perked up at the sound, his smile brightening when he found Bucky walking into the gym. “Buck! How did the appointment go?”

Bucky shrugged as he rolled his metal shoulder. “As good as it could go, I guess. We did a few recalibrations but we discussed a few upgrades too.”

“Upgrades?”

“Just heat sensors and upping the touch sensitivity. Didn’t really have the sense of touch with the old arm, you know? Just pressure reads.”

“And they can do that for you?”

“Sounds like it’s pretty easy actually.”

“That’s great,” Steve beamed. “Glad to hear it went well.”

Buck nodded as he wandered over to the weight bench and sat down. He was quiet for a few seconds, Steve watching him curiously as he scratched at the back of his head. “Steve? Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, Buck. Shoot.”

“Who do you talk to?”

Steve’s heart spiked but he managed to school his features. Maybe he meant something else? “What do you mean?”

“When you think no one’s around, who do you talk to?” he asked again. “I’ve heard you talking to yourself a few times but I was worried asking you about it was crossing a line I didn’t have a right to no more. So I asked Sam and Wanda and I guess they’ve heard it too.”

Shit. 

Nice to know they’ve been listening in on his crazy episodes too. As much as he wanted to tell Buck, it would also mean revealing to him his association with Rune too. “I-I don’t think you’ll like the answer, Buck.”

“You said you still trust me, right? Can you please trust me with this?”

“If I do that, it means I have to come clean about a lot of stuff.”

“Come clean?” Bucky’s brows furrowed. “Clean about what?”

Welp, they were going to have to come out with it eventually, right? And now seemed like a better time than any. He took a moment to ready himself, preoccupying himself with removing the tape around his hands. “Natasha and I had help finding the files in that bunker.”

“From who? Was it someone I knew?”

“Yeah. It was someone you knew really well, actually.”

When Steve went quiet again Bucky pressed him. “Well? Who are they?”

He quickly swallowed the lump growing in his throat before turning to fully face him. “Her name was Rune.”

The color drained from Bucky’s face as his eyes widened. “Wh-what did you just say?”

“She broke into your chamber room about a week before we woke you up and offered us a solution we couldn’t risk ignoring.”

“No. No, that’s not possible. She’s dead. She died years ago! Pierce and Rumlow, they told me she—“

“They lied. They didn’t kill her. Instead-instead they muzzled her before throwing her into a jail they had in Greenland,” he explained. “She was able to break free though, and one of the first places she went was to find you.”

The horror only grew across Bucky’s face. “She’s alive? All this time she’s been—fuck, she was out there all along?” he gaped. When he began to look around the room however, Steve’s heart sank. “Where is she now? Why isn’t she here?”

Steve sat on the bench next to him. “Rune warned us that the security around the files would be tight and nearly impossible to get through, so she needed me to come with her when we struck the bunker. I figured it was because of my strength, so I didn’t question it. Natasha took care of the top floor once it was cleared which allowed Rune and I to move onto the third. It wasn’t until I saw the elevator that I knew something was wrong.”

“What do you mean by that? That elevator was always there.”

“She didn’t tell us that. I think if she had, she knew we’d question it more than she wanted,” Steve explained. “When she and I first met she told me she was the only one who could get into your files. That she had been behind creating the security for it and that only she had the ability to get through it now. I didn’t put two and two together about what she was insinuating until it was too late and she already had her hand on the palm scanner.”

“So, you’re telling me, she caused that explosion? Willingly?”

“She knew from the beginning, from the first day she started this plan, that she was going to die.”

“No. You-you’ve got it all wrong. Why would she do that for me? Why would she sacrifice herself for my hide?”

“Because she always promised you she would.”

“I never thought she’d actually pull through! It was—it was a pipe dream! Something we talked about when HYDRA wasn’t listening. There was no way she—“

“But she did, Buck. She told me she’d made you a promise and that she damn well intended to keep it. No matter the cost.”

“So why involve you? Why drag you into a danger she knew was going to happen?”

Steve raised his hands in an attempt to pacify the growing hysteria his best friend was experiencing. “Because she needed someone she could trust with the files. Someone she knew had your best interest in mind.”

“Why not Natasha, then? She was less of a casualty, and she knew that we—“but he sharply clamped his jaw.

Steve couldn’t help his frown, his fingers pulling at a loose thread in his sweats. “I—um—I know about you and Tasha.”

Once again, Bucky’s face paled. “Wh-what? She told you?”

Steve shrugged, his feet shuffling almost shyly beneath him. “I kind of overheard her and Natasha arguing and it just so happened to come up.”

“Oh,” Bucky swallowed thick. “And-and what did you say?”

What was he supposed to say to that? Lie? Nope. That was the quickest way to have Rune back haunting his ass. Welp, like he’d said earlier, better now than never right? “It’s more of what I _did_ than said, really.”

“What did you do?”

“Ran away?” he flinched. When Bucky continued to stare at him wordlessly, he sighed. “I reacted childishly is what happened. Instead of pretending I didn’t hear anything or acting like a supportive best friend, I bolted. Took off through the snow and ran until I passed out.”

“Steve….”

“No, Buck, I should have acted better. I should have been happy you had someone during-during everything you went through. _Both_ of you. But I wasn’t, which is selfish of me and I’m sorry. She was there for you back then and even now when I-when I wasn’t, and I’m happy for you. I’m glad-glad you have someone.”

He felt defeated, all the energy and determination he had towards telling Bucky how he really felt going out the window. Why tell him when he had Natasha? Steve could never stand up to that. “It wasn’t like that, you know,” Bucky cut into his mental mantra. “When she and I met it—well, I still didn’t know who I was, really. Rune and I hadn’t been working together long, so she’d yet to help me work on my memories yet. Natalia was—she was a good distraction from everything. But we knew from the beginning it didn’t really mean anything.”

“Yeah, she told me that too.”

“What exactly did she tell you?”

“That your heart belonged to someone else.” When Bucky went quiet with a nod, Steve frowned. “Why didn’t you tell me you loved someone? Did it-did it happen during the war? Or was it after I let you f—you know. During your time with HYDRA.”

“Nah, Stevie. Happened long before the war.”

Steve stared at him. “And you never told me? Was it someone I knew?”

“Yeah.”

“Was she a classmate? Did she work with you? Or maybe at one of the shops?”

“Wasn’t a _she_ , Steve.”

That didn’t even shake Steve who merely barreled on. “So? I would never have judged you, Buck! Did you really think I would have? You’re my best friend. There’s nothing you could have ever done or said that would turn me against you, you know me better than that!”

“Yeah, well, things changed. I ain’t right dating material for them now anyway.”

It was those words that made him pause, that spark of hope that always burned in his chest suddenly igniting again. “ _Now_?”

Bucky’s features hardened as he sharply stood up and began to walk toward the doors. “It’s nothing, Steve. Forget it.”

“Bucky, wait!” he called, Bucky thankfully coming to a stop. Steve slowly approached him, being sure not to get too close and spook him. “Who is he? The man you love. Please, tell me.”

Similar to Rune, Bucky let out a long sigh as his head fell back, eyes searching the ceiling as if hoping it’d either give him the answer or collapse on top of him. When neither happened, he finally gave in and turned to fully face him. “Do you remember that time in seventh grade when I found out Tucker Brass kicked you into an asthma attack?”

“You beat him up so bad he nearly had to go to the hospital.”

“Yeah, well, dick deserved it. Anyway, mid-ass-kicking, he asked me why it mattered so much to me what happened to you. It wasn’t until that exact moment that I finally realized the answer.”

Steve’s stomach fluttered as his heart tripped over itself, that hope turning into a full on inferno. “And-and what did you realize?”

“That I loved you more than a best friend should. That, if I could have, I wanted to spend the rest of my life fighting for you. With you,” he confessed. He refused to meet Steve’s eye, a look of self-resignation washing over him. It was more than Steve could bear. “I know it’s more than you bargained for. Especially after everything you’ve done for me. So I get it if—“

Without even thinking about it, Steve grabbed Bucky by the collar of his shirt and jerked him into bone crushing hug. He lingered in the touch for a few moments before sighing happily, Bucky’s fingers digging unconsciously around his shirt and into his abdomen. “You have no idea how long I’ve been hoping you’d say that to me.”

“S-Steve?”

“Do you remember that winter in fifth grade? When Scarlett Fever almost got me?” he asked, Bucky barely managed a nod. “Someone visited me. Not sure who exactly; momma used to say it was the Angel of Death. Whoever it was, they asked me why I couldn’t let go of this life. That it would probably be best to leave such a frail form and move onto the next, you know? But I couldn’t. Not yet.”

“Why?”

“Because there was a boy, the same one who visited me even when the doctors tried to keep him out of my hospital room, that I couldn’t leave yet. As long as he lived, I wanted to be there with him. And when the day came he did die, I didn’t want to live a day more,” he whispered, Bucky’s breath catching against his shoulder. “I love you, Buck. Even after all this time, that ain’t changed.”

Slowly Bucky pulled away, his hands still clenched fist-tight in his shirt. “Are-are you serious?”

“Course, Buck. I wouldn’t burn the world down for just anyone.”

“But-but you had Peggy. And what about that-that Sharon girl?”

“I loved Peggy, and I know I would have lived a decent life with her. But, everything I saw in her, were the same things I see in you. And her niece, well…..honestly, I’m not entirely sure why I kissed her.”

“Ew, you kissed Peggy’s niece? Steve.”

“I know, I know! We talked about it about a week after you went back into the ice and we both realized it wasn’t going to grow from there. Never would have, even if I didn’t love you.”

“Why didn’t you say anything before?”

“Because I was a nobody back then. You were the one everyone wanted, and how could I have ever competed with any of them?”

“There was never a competition, Stevie. You were the only one I had eyes for. Nobody else meant even half as much.”

“Y-yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Buck?” he asked quietly, Bucky tilting his head in acknowledgment. “Can I kiss you?”

“Jesus. Only been waiting ninety percent of our extended lives for you to ask me that!”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes, Stevie. Please fucking kiss me. _Now_.”

Not needing to be told twice, Steve cupped Bucky’s face before leaning in, their lips touching tentatively at first. With a sharp jerk from Bucky’s grip on his shirt though he deepened it, the feeling nearly causing Steve’s knees to buckle. He’d had a total of five kisses his entire life: Mary Grace in first grade under the mistletoe, the agent that cornered him at her desk during the war, Peggy, Natasha, and the kiss with Sharon everyone dubbed ‘the-kiss-that-shall-not-be-named-ever-again’. This though, this was a kiss that warmed the iciest parts of his mind and heart, parts of him he swore he’d never see again even despite being awake for all these years again. All he could feel, smell, hear, and taste was Bucky and it was the best thing he’d ever experienced in his entire life. It felt like he was finally _home_. After a few kiss-stung minutes he pulled away, only far enough to press their foreheads together so he could take a breath. “Fuck, Bucky.”

“That can be arranged.”

“Oh my God!” he chuckled at his best friend’s grin. He let his hand slide up his cheek before dragging fingers through his hair, Bucky sighing into the touch. “I love you, Bucky Barnes.”

“I love you too, Steve Rogers,” he said with a chaste kiss. Just before he went in for another however, he paused. “You never answered the question I originally came in with.”

“Which one?”

Steve’s brain was too foggy to think back that far. He kind of wanted to live in this moment for a little while longer. Or forever. Bucky chuckled fondly as he poked at his side, attempting to snap his attention back. “The person you keep talking to when you think you’re alone.”

“Oh! Oh, well,” he frowned, fingers sliding down Bucky’s sides to clutch at his hips. “It was Rune.”

“What?”

“Yeah. The hallucinations didn’t start until that mission to retrieve T’Challa’s necklace went to shit though.”

“You mean the one you almost bled out on?” he narrowed his eyes. “Yeah, don’t think I don’t know about that. Fuck, you should have seen yourself lain up in that hospital bed. Took them forever just to get the god damn poison out of you.”

“Wait, you were there?”

“Course I was. I was scared shitless! I thought that was it. You were going to die and I’d never get to explain anything to you,” he grumbled, Steve’s heart swelling. After glaring pointedly at the floor for a few seconds he sighed, letting his hands slide down to take Steve’s. “So, Rune started showing up around then?”

“Yeah. Her presence happened more frequently when I—well, let’s just say I didn’t sleep much after that. Let my head get the best of me.”

“You mean because of me.” When Steve dropped his gaze and shrugged, Bucky sighed, his hands lifting to cup his face. “I really fucked up, didn’t I?”

“Was just me thinking the worst, that’s all. Didn’t help I couldn’t watch your surgery. Kept thinking I wasn’t even worth the audience,” he mumbled, Bucky’s grip tightening.

“M’sorry, Stevie. Don’t think I’ll ever be able to make up for everything I’ve done to you.”

“I forgave you a long time ago, Buck. I always will,” he shrugged feebly though offered a small smile. “Anyway. Rune stuck around for a long time after that. Kept getting pissed I was locking myself up in my room.”

“Wanda told me you stopped eating.”

“I tried. That night you found me in the dining room was my first night trying to get something that wasn’t crackers and cheese.”

“And I chased you straight out of there without anything.”

“Was my own fault. I was just so scared you were going to tell you that you were leaving without me again.”

“Hey,” Bucky hushed when Steve’s voice hitched. He slid his hand around to the back of his neck and squeezed before pressing their foreheads back together again. “I ain’t goin’ anywhere without you. Not anymore, you hear me? You’re it for me, Stevie.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” he said before gently kissing him again. “So, is Rune still here?”

“She disappeared for a bit after that but, when I got caught up in that HYDRA ambush and fractured my skull, she came back. She’s the one who helped lead me to the exit and kept me awake until you showed up.”

“That’s where she and I first met. First time they told me this little punk of an eighteen year old was going to be my new primary was in the basement of that bunker.”

“I’m sorry she died, Buck.”

“Yeah well, it’s because of her I was able to come back to you. So, I guess I have even more to thank her for.”

“Come on,” Steve said as he took Bucky’s hand in his. “Let’s get out of here.”

Steve woke up screaming, his limbs tangled in the sheets as he thrashed against them. The sound of a roaring train still echoed in his ears, his chest burning with the cold wind that’d filled his lungs, Bucky’s look of blame still imprinted clearly in his mind. He desperately tried to familiarize himself with the room, coaxing himself to pull back from the nightmare. Usually when Steve had dreams like this, he was able to keep quiet about it. Keep the terrors of what he saw to himself and not draw any attention from the others. This though, this felt too real. When he instinctively reached for the space to his left he realized he was alone, the bed next to him empty. Hadn’t Bucky just been here? The last thing he remembered before falling asleep was tucking himself into his chest, Bucky’s arms, both metal and human, holding him close until he was able to fall blissfully asleep. Or had that been a dream too? His heart began to beat painfully fast in his chest, the tears burning; had it all really been a dream? Where was Bucky?

“Steve!” Bucky’s voice suddenly echoed through his apartment, the sound of his front door closing and hurried footsteps making their way to his room. “Steve. Jesus, are you alright?”

“B-Buck?” Steve called quietly, his body going stiff as he stared. Was he still dreaming? He was too afraid to move and find out. “Is that-is that really you?”

A soft smile adorned Bucky’s face as he nodded, being sure to hold both of his hands palm out in front of him as he approached the bed. “Yeah, Stevie. It’s really me.”

“But-but you fell,” he whispered his attention briefly falling back to the cold side of the bed. It couldn’t have been real, right? Steve wasn’t that lucky. Never had been. “You were gone.”

“I know. I know I was, but I’m here now. Just like I promised,” Bucky hushed as he got closer. “Ain’t gonna leave you behind no more. Can I please sit with you?”

Slowly Steve nodded, reality beginning to finally settle back around him as Bucky sat on the mattress next to his hip. He was still in Wakanda with Sam and Wanda. And Buck—

_Four weeks, one day, thirty minutes, and fifty-two seconds._

“S-sorry,” he mumbled, a shamed flush burning up the back of his neck and over his cheeks. “I-I usually don’t drift like that.”

“Is it ok to touch you now?” Bucky asked. As soon as Steve nodded he gently cupped his human hand around the side of his neck, pulling him down until they were forehead to forehead, and allowing Steve to inhale the familiar comforting scent of his best friend. “How often do you get ‘em?”

“The nightmares aren’t new, I’m just usually better at holding it together afterwards. Not having you there when I woke up freaked me out more than I thought, though. Guess I started assuming I’d dreamt you up again.”

“I didn’t mean to be gone so long. Went to get my phone from my apartment but it took me a day and a half just to find the god damn charger for it,” he grumbled, Steve’s smile growing at the irritated look. “I mean, it’s a six foot cord! How the hell do you lose that?”

“You’d lose your arm if it weren’t attached.”

“Whoa! Ok, snarky pants,” Bucky grumbled though Steve could hear the amusement underneath. In one swift motion Bucky had him on his back, his knees pressing down against the mattress on either side of his hips. “I can’t believe I thought the serum would change that mouth of yours. Don’t you have some innocent persona you’re supposed to be adorning?”

“M’not Captain America anymore. Don’t gotta be nothin’ but Steve Rogers.”

Bucky grinned as he leaned down to kiss him. “Good. It’s the best version of you anyway.”

As he began to plant open-mouth kisses across his jaw, fingers slotting against his ribs as if they’d been perfectly carved to fit there, Steve realized he was only touching with one hand. His human hand to be exact, the metal one wound up in the sheets. Nope, there was no way he was letting that go on anymore. “You can touch me with your left hand too, Buck.”

Slowly Bucky pulled back, his eyes dropping to the metal appendage with hesitation. “I-I can’t, Steve. This—I’ve done too much with it.”

Steve searched his face briefly before gently reaching down to take the arm in his hand, being wary of Bucky’s emotions just in case it was too much. “Your arm saved my life, you know. Both the old and new.”

“Steve….”

“Your arm pulled me from the Potomac, it helped you survive when you were on the run for two years, it protected me from the men in Bucharest, and from Stark, and it rescued me from a HYDRA bunker just in time to avoid severe hypothermia.”

“And it also almost killed you! More than once!”

“Answer this then. If it hadn’t been for HYDRA’s conditioning, for those words or the brainwashing, would you have hurt me? If you remembered me at all on either the bridge or the carrier, would you have attacked me?”

“I’d have taken a bullet to the fucking head before I ever laid a finger on you.”

“That’s why I have never, not even for a second, blamed you for what happened to us. I know you told me once that, even though it hadn’t been you, you still did those things in your past. I’m not saying I will ever forget what happened to you, or to me, but I’m not going to hold it over us for the rest of our extended lives. I finally have you back, Buck, and I am going to love you with everything I’ve got left. Metal arm or not, Buck, you’re still human. Got a beating heart and all to prove it.”

“My heart has always been yours, Steve.”

“And mine yours, even back when it didn’t beat right.”

“Hey, as long as it’s beating, it’s the best sound I ever heard.”

As if for emphasis Bucky curled up on his chest, his ear pressing directly over his heart. Steve curled his free arm around his shoulders, his fingers dragging up into his hair, while the other hand kept his metal hand gripped tightly between his fingers. When Steve was still stick thin he used to image this exact scenario in his mind, having Bucky curled safely up in his arms as living breathing proof he was alive and ok. Sometimes, back when they were younger, their apartment would get so cold they had no choice but to share a bed to keep Steve from getting pneumonia. Bucky would wrap him up in a bunch of blankets and curl him into his arms into he could feel his toes again. God, Steve relished in those nights, his head tucked safely beneath Bucky’s chin, shielding him from the cold of the world. If only he’d known back then what he knew now. How different would things have ended up?

“Buck?”

“Hm?”

“Love you.”

He could feel Buck’s smile spread across his skin before he pressed a kiss over his heart. “Love you too, Stevie.”


	8. Chapter 8

“Shit!”

Steve sharply whirled around, immediately on the defense, only to burst out laughing when he found Sam face down in the dirt. Tangles of vines had tangled around his boots, one having somehow crept up his calf. Steve did his best to fight back his laughter as he sharply bit into his knuckle though judging by Sam’s glare, he was failing epically. Eventually it was Wanda who took pity on him and made her way over to help. “Are you alright?”

“M’fine,” he growled, face still hidden. “Shut up, Rogers!”

“Sorry, Sam,” Steve apologized though couldn’t stop his grin. “You sure you’re alright?”

“Don’t worry, Stevie,” Bucky called as he suddenly flipped down from the treetops. He hooked his knees around one of the branches, letting his torso hang upside down just to their left. Steve immediately felt himself zone out on the patch of skin now showing from beneath his t-shirt, that perfect happy trail disappearing beneath his pants. “He only bruised his ego.”

Sam responded by flipping him off, Wanda finally able to coax the last vine from his pant leg. “Fuck you, Barnes.”

“Here, let me help you up,” Steve offered his hand.

It’d been two weeks since the best day of Steve’s life and since then Bucky and he had been practically inseparable. Didn’t take long for the rest of the group to figure out the new development in their relationship either. Wanda was the first to figure it out, of course, though Sam wasn’t too far behind. Apparently the happiness was practically leaking off both of them, which had been a rare occurrence in itself, though Wanda told them both it was the best sight she’d ever seen. Today they were touring the jungle since neither Steve, Bucky, nor even Sam had been outside of the palace to explore it yet. Even though Aneka was preoccupied with business obligations, she trusted Wanda wouldn’t get them lost.

“So, where are these flowers you keep boasting about, Wanda?” Steve questioned once he was sure Bucky was following them again.

Instead of walking with them like normal human beings, his best friend had decided to take to the treetops. Though that in itself wasn’t abnormal; he did the same thing back in Brooklynn too whether it was a brick wall, the fire escape, or even those concrete poles they used to deter cars from using the sidewalk. Came out with more broken arms than he could count because of it but it never stopped him. Wanda motioned to the pathway in front of them, catching his glanced with her hand. “It’s not too much further. You’ll know it when we get there; it’s going to be even better than you could imagine.”

Steve was looking forward to that, his travel sketchbook practically burning a hole in his pocket. Since he’d woken up from the ice, Steve hadn’t drawn much. Usually when he attempted, his pencils usually just brought faces of the dead or trains in the snowy alps. So no, Steve had kind of abandoned the art trail. When Bucky found the empty sketchbook in his nightstand and asked about it, he didn’t really have much more of an answer than ‘just not something my heart’s into anymore’. Being the stubborn man that he is however, Bucky wasn’t having any of it. He reminded Steve of the fact that growing up he rarely caught him without a pencil in his hand and how seventy-five percent of the pictures that’d been hanging up in their apartment had been drawn by Steve himself. Basically refusing to take his no as an answer, Bucky shoved the sketchbook and a pencil into his hands before demanding he draw him. Bucky’d always been a terrible model, he just never had the patience or attention span to sit still for more than ten minutes, but Steve couldn’t deter the sudden determination he had for it. So, Steve put his pencil to paper and just let himself go, his vision tunneling out everything else that wasn’t Bucky. Which wasn’t exactly hard to do.

An hour later he had a perfect sketch of Bucky sitting patiently by the window, head held in his hand, and long hair piled into a loose bun on top of his head. He just looked so—peaceful. And if Steve found himself sobbing a few seconds later well, that’s his business. Now he was sure to carry a travel sketchbook with him, just like he used to do back in the day. You never knew when the perfect drawing opportunity would arise.

“Hey, Steve!” Bucky called a few minutes later, Sam in the middle of retelling about a mission he’d had in Cuba. When Steve glanced up he found Bucky hanging down from one of the branches directly above him. “Catch.”

“What—Buck, wait!” Steve exclaimed when he suddenly dropped. He immediately held his arms out, just in time to catch the falling brunet. “A little warning next time!”

“Nah,” he grinned before chastely kissing him, making no move to step down, “I knew those government-grade reflexes would kick in.”

“Excuse you, my reflexes were just fine before Dr. Erskine got a hold of me.”

“Uh huh. Do I have to remind you about that time with the cherries in Old Man Frost’s ice cream parlor?”

Steve’s cheeks immediately flamed though he still attempted to glare at him. “No.”

“What happened with Old Man Frost?”

When Bucky’s grin widened, Steve scowled. “I will drop you.”

“Ugh, fine,” Bucky grumbled before returning to his feet anyway. “Always ruining the fun.”

“Were you guys this much trouble back then too?” Sam questioned.

It’s not like Sam hadn’t heard all of the stories. Steve could go on for hours if you’d let him, especially if the subject was about his childhood with Bucky. He’d talk about the rickety neighborhoods, the bullies at school, living with Bucky and his family after his mom died, or apartment life after they moved out on their own. Wanda, even Natasha sometimes, loved hearing the tales too and sometimes, if they were having a bad day, or if they thought Steve needed a flashback to a better time, they’d get together and simply have him talk. Steve figured it was kind of soothing for all of them, in a way. This time though, it was nice having someone else to confirm that he wasn’t just winding tales; he had the one living and breathing proof standing right beside him. 

“Steve was the troublemaker. I was the angel.”

Steve scoffed as he rolled his eyes. “You were no angel, Buck.”

“At least I wasn’t the one pickin’ fights with assholes twice my size in fuckin’ alleyways,” Bucky shot back. “Had a head and a heart bigger than the body you fought with.”

“Well, that’s what I had you for!”

“Hence why I’m the angel.”

“Ok, children,” Wanda hushed. “May we continue, please?”

Obediently they fell silent before following Wanda further down the trail, Bucky following close to Steve’s side. They made small talk, Wanda telling them a story about when she and Pietro were younger. Just as they made it through a tangle of trees, Sam and Wanda came to a dead stop, her face all smiles as she quickly motioned for Steve and Bucky to catch up. “Look, look!”

Every time Wanda described this area of the jungle, Steve had imagined beautifully colored flowers scattered across the floor. This though, this was beyond anything he could have ever imagined. An array of oranges, yellows, reds, and greens stretched out as far as he could see, spreading out amongst the jungle floor and even winding up the tree trunks. When Steve followed them up the one closest to Sam’s right, he realized they were even growing in the treetops above them. He’d found himself in the middle of an array of forests, jungles, and wood scenery multiple times in his life, but this—he’d never seen something quite as beautiful as this. “Wanda,” he whispered, jaw gaped in awe. “Wanda, this is beautiful.”

“I told you you’d love it, Steven. Come, you must see the Birds of Paradise up close!”

They spent over an hour just sitting and enjoying the flowers. Steve had taken a seat against a pair of tangles trees, Bucky tucked between his bent knees as they watched Wanda make a flower crown for each of them, Steve sketching everything in sight. He was starting to wish he’d found a set of colored pencils before he left; Aneka might have known where a few were. “I always imagined us living in a place like this, you know.”

“Hm?” Steve blinked away the tunnel vision as he glanced down at the man in his lap. “What was that?”

“The flowers. Sometimes I’d imagine we’d find a place with fields of ‘em,” he watched the smile spread across his face, mind obviously somewhere distant. “We’d have a house in the middle of it all, maybe an old barn we’d convert into one of our own. Could have a massive kitchen for me to cook in since you’re shit at it—“his grin brightened at Steve’s protesting sound,”—maybe even a studio for your art. Just you, me, and maybe a few animals out in the middle of nowhere. No one to judge us, no one to take you away from me, just— _peace_.”

Steve—well, saying Steve was shocked speechless was an understatement. Bucky had imagined a future for them before? Judging by how easily he was able to recall it, he must have had these dreams often. “You’ve imagined that for us?”

Bucky shrugged before finally glancing up at him. “Couldn’t help it sometimes, ‘specially when you were sick. I just—I don’t know. I guess I just wanted to take you away from it all and get you somewhere safer.”

Unable to stop himself, not that he’d want to, Steve bent down and kissed him, ignoring the fact they were upside down from each other. After a few seconds he pulled away and offered a smile. “I’d like that, you know. Living in a place of our own.”

“One where Sam isn’t next door to hear any nightly activities we have.”

“Buck!”

“I’m kidding, kidding!”

They hadn’t gone that far, yet. After Steve blurted out one night that he was still a virgin—in the middle of receiving an epic blowjob, mind you—Bucky had insisted they go slow. Something about virtues? He wasn’t sure, but he wasn’t complaining. He trusted Bucky. Besides, he liked the other nightly, sometimes afternoon and morning, activities they did just fine. “Someday we’ll get there, Buck. I promise.”

“I know, Stevie,” he smiled before pulling him down into another kiss.

Something began to prickle at the back of Steve’s neck then, his brows furrowing as he pulled away. Both Wanda and Sam were preoccupied with the flowers, and Bucky was here, so what was this feeling? Had Aneka gotten worried and come looking for them? That’s when he spotted the red dot rising up Wanda’s chest, settling just over her heart. “Wanda, watch out!”

Thankfully Sam had the reflexes he had for, as soon as he tackled her into the flowers, a bullet embedded into the tree just behind her. “Get out of the open, now!”

Shots rang out as the four of them scrambled to shelter, Steve shoving Bucky against a thick tree trunk before trapping him between his arms. “How many, Steve?”

Steve scanned through the jungle ahead of them, his heightened vision giving him a clearer picture of what they were looking at. “For sure seven, but who knows how many Snipers they’ve got.”

“At least two, if I had to guess. Do you think—“

“Wait, I recognize that one,” Steve squinted. “Fuck, these are the survivors from the bunker in Alaska.”

“Are you serious?”

“Trust me, I’d remember the face of the woman who damn near killed me anywhere,” he huffed. “What do you have on you?”

“Two glocks, a hunting knife, and multiple throwing knives.”

“I know Sam has a pistol in his ankle holster,” Steve glanced to his left in an attempt to find where he and Wanda had taken shelter. “Let me use the hunting knife, then climb your monkey-butt up into the branches.”

“Sir, yes sir,” Bucky winked as he pulled the hunting knife from—nope, Steve didn’t want to know where—before climbing quietly up the tree. “Take care of yourself, yeah?”

Slowly Steve made his way towards a large rock formation on the right, his ears honing in on the figure coming around it a few feet away. He didn’t even pause as they came into sight, quickly muffling the agent’s shout before disabling him. Yup, these were definitely the same HYDRA agents as before. They must have somehow been able to follow them all the way back to Wakanda. “Come on out, Captain!” the woman called, Steve unable to help his eye roll. When will people stop calling him that? “Apparently we didn’t do a very good job at eliminating you last time. You’re like a cockroach.”

He faintly heard the sound of two bodies dropping, one further out than where Bucky could possibly be, which meant Wanda and Sam were on the move too. Three down, four to go. Just as he honed in on another set of heavy booted steps quickly approaching there was another gunshot, multiple firing in succession after. As soon as the agent he’d been hunting came into view, Steve threw his knife and instantly floored them. “I’m sick of these games! Get out here and meet your end, Rogers!”

“My God,” Bucky grunted as he dropped from the treetops, “do they always sound like bad villain stereotypes?”

“Unfortunately. How many left?”

“One of the snipers is down, and Sam took out another agent, so I’d say we’ve still got one sniper and at least two HYDRA assholes to go.” Steve nodded as he peered around the corner of their current blockade. “So, what plan are you cookin’ up over there?”

“Nothing you’re going to like, but it’s necessary,” he grunted. “I need to be the distraction.”

“Bullshit you do!”

“We need to draw them out into the open, Buck,” Steve reminded him. “As soon as they have their sights set on me, they’ll signal something to their man up top. That’s when we’ll get the last sniper’s location.”

“After he shoots you through the skull!” Bucky hissed. “I don’t like this idea, Steve.”

“I know it’s another ‘ _martyr mission_ ’, as Sam likes to put it, but we need it this time,” Steve insisted. “You trust me, right?”

Bucky shot him a glare. “Of course I do, I just don’t trust you with your own life.”

“Hey,” he said as he gripped the front of Bucky’s shirt, “this time I have something important to live for.”

The brunet searched his face for a few, long, seconds before finally giving in with a short nod. “Just—Jesus, just don’t get killed, ok?”

Steve winked at him before slowly making his way out into the open, hands raised and palms out to show he wasn’t armed. “Ok, ok! I’m right here.”

The woman’s face instantly brightened when she spotted him, her gun aimed pointedly at his chest. There was a man standing on her right but no one else within eyeshot, which meant the sniper must have taken shelter a ways off. “There you are! I was beginning to think this was going to be another cat and mouse game.”

“What do you want?” Steve demanded. “You’re a long way from home, you know.”

“We came to finish the job,” she shrugged simply. “There’s no way we could go back to the boss without a body.”

Relief washed over him at the statement; it meant they hadn’t told anyone else their location, their pride and fear of failure keeping them from admitting their botched attempted at killing him. Again. “So you’re here for my head for something? A little cliché, don’t you think?”

“In this line of work, nothing is too cliché. Now, where are your little friends?” she questioned. He spotted the little shift of her hand towards her left shoulder, praying that Bucky saw it too. They just needed to get the sniper out of the way first and then they could finally get rid of these two. “I know they’re hiding around here somewhere. Can’t have them scurrying off for help.”

“Trust me,” he stated, ears tuning in on Bucky’s already swiftly moving form, “I’m not the one that will need help.”

“He did though, didn’t he? Your _friend_.” Steve felt his back stiffen though desperately attempted to keep his face even. Judging by not only the woman’s grin, but her partner’s too, he was failing epically. God, why did this always happen? “I’ll admit, he was trying his best when he ventured out on his own. We kept an eye on him, tried bringing him back home to us, but he is a slippery one.”

“He lost control once, you should have seen it,” the man spoke with a deep baritone voice. “Damn near leveled an entire town after seeing your face on the news.”

“Shut-up,” Steve grit out.

“Soft spot, huh? My, my, my, it appears there is a kink in Captain America’s armor after all. Shall I share another tragic story? How about all of the times he was in the chair, pleading for them to stop? It happened right after you found him again too, did Brock tell you? Was quite the heart-wrenching scene.”

_Two years, five months, two-weeks, thirty-two days, six minutes, and fifty seconds._

“He was like a lost little puppy those two years he was running from you. Alone, begging for help, begging for you, dear Captain,” the woman sighed. Steve clenched his jaw, his nails digging viciously into his palms. “We heard rumors he had to go back into cryo.”

_Five months, three days, twenty-three minutes, two seconds._

“Has he forgiven you for that?”

_Five months, three days, twenty-three minutes, forty-seven seconds._

“Or the better question,” her grin morphed into smirk. “Has he forgiven you for letting him _fall_?”

Steve was moving before he could really understand why. He made a sharp lunge to the right, bullets ricocheting off the ground where he’d just stood, before boosting off of the rock formation he’d just taken shelter behind. His full weight slammed into the woman first, the impact knocking her out almost instantly. Her partner opened fire on him, but Steve, despite his size, was faster. Deft hands swiped the knife from the fallen agent’s belt and with two quick steps, he embedded it into his throat. Instead of dropping him to crumple lifelessly at his feet though, Steve watched the life dim from his eyes. Rune was right; nobody who talked about Bucky like that survived. It wasn’t until he heard another gunshot from somewhere behind him that he finally released his grip.

“Bucky.”

Once again he was running before his brain could tell him what exactly was happening. He wove through the trees, ignoring what he assumed was Sam’s call for him to slow down. If something happened to Bucky because of him, again, no one would be able to stop him this time. When he finally found him he was hunched over what Steve assumed was the last sniper, rummaging through his pockets. “So, if I can find his damn report, I can tell you if we should be expecting more company or not.”

“Are you ok? I heard—“when he spotted the blood seeping through the right side of his shirt, Steve’s mind went blank, mind reeling.

_Two years, five months, two-weeks, thirty-two days, eleven minutes, twelve seconds._

Steve sharply approached him, fingers jerking his shirt up only to find a stab wound in the meaty part of his hip. “Steve?”

“Med kit. I need—I’ve got to bandage you up.”

_Five months, three days, twenty-eight minutes, twenty seconds._

“It’s just a nick, Stevie,” Bucky attempted as Steve rummaged through the fallen HYDRA sniper’s pockets for his field kit. “I’m fine.”

“You’re bleeding! Just let me put a fucking bandage on it.”

_Six weeks, two days, thirty-three minutes, eighteen seconds._

“Come on, listen to me, ok?” Bucky called again, this time gripping his wrists tightly. “Focus on me!”

_Two weeks, one day, forty-one minutes, twenty-two seconds._

“Steve, stop counting!”

That had Steve snapping to attention, the field kit falling from limp hands. “Wh-what?”

“You keep counting down and it’s freaking me out a little bit over here,” Bucky sighed almost in relief. “Now listen to me, I’m fine.”

“I’m not—what do you mean I’m counting?”

“You’ve been counting down days like a doomsday clock.”

“N-no, that was—“he couldn’t quite voice the fact all of that was supposed to have been in his head. Apparently his mouth had other plans. “I’m sorry.”

“What were you counting down?”

“It’s-it’s nothing. I was just—“

At the sudden sharp pain in his chest he doubled over with a groan, the heel of his hand pressing sharply against his sternum. Instantly Bucky’s hands were on him, his eyes widening. “Fuck, Stevie, you’ve been hit!”

“Really?”

“Here you’ve been worrying about my paper cut when you’ve got two in the chest!”

“I didn’t-didn’t even feel it.”

“Lay down and hand me that damn field kit. My God, it’s like the war all over again. Can’t stop for two seconds to worry about your own injuries.”

Steve obediently let Bucky work on the wounds, being as still as possible while he worked. Eventually they’d heal on their own, but to do that, he needed to get the bullets out then bandage the openings. Again, not his first rodeo and definitely not Bucky’s first time patching him up. As he lay there though, his mind continued to race, the Agent’s words cycling over and over in his head. “Buck?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you ok?”

“I told you, the guy barely got me. It’s probably already healed up by now.”

“No, are you—are you _ok_?”

He didn’t need to look up to know Bucky was raising an incredulous brow at him. “Where is this coming from?”

“Because you just had to fight another set of HYDRA agents who wanted to take you back to—“

When he bit back the knot in his throat, Bucky’s face suddenly appeared over him. “Steve, what did they say to you back there?”

“N-nothing.”

Even he didn’t believe himself; Jesus, could he sound more timid? Bucky’s brow raised even higher. “Steve. What did they say? You can tell me, I won’t—“

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you the past two years!” he blurted out, wincing at the desperation in his voice. A flash of anger washed over Buck’s face, Steve’s frown deepening. “I just—you went through so much and I know you’re still recovering. I mean, who wouldn’t be after the shit you’ve been through? You have every reason to not be ok and—“

“And you don’t?”

“What?”

Bucky shook his head with a sigh before gently brushing Steve’s hair away from his face. “Stevie, when did you confess you loved me?”

“Two weeks, one day, fifty-five minutes, and nineteen—“

When he clamped his jaw tight, eyes wide, Buck nodded. “Thought so. And when did you see me for the first time on the bridge in D.C.?”

Steve tried to hold it back, he did, but the words flew out anyway. “Two years, five months, two-weeks, thirty days, twenty-five minutes, and thirty-three seconds.”

“Shit, Steve, you hold more guilt about everything that happened to me than even I do! I know you keep trying to show the world you’re ok, that you’ve been ok since you woke up from the ice, but you’re not. And it’s bad when an amnesiac ex-assassin can see it from a mile away. Literally.”

“But you went through so much! And I just—“

“I dealt with everything that happened to me. Wasn’t easy, and I’ll never be one-hundred percent the Bucky Barnes you fell in love with back then—“he lightly pressed his fingers against Steve’s when he made to protest again. “But I’m slowly coming to terms with what happened to me. It sucks, I still have nightmares, crowds of people grind my nerves, and sometimes something will trigger a flashback, but I faced my demons. Those two years I spent on my own, I pieced my life back together. I was able to step back from the world and figure out who I really am. Hell, even when I came here to the palace I talked to the therapists they had on hand. Still do sometimes. Not my favorite thing in the world but, hey. What can you do? You though—when was the last time you were able to step back and figure your life out? And don’t go tryin’ to lie to me; I read through a lot of files and documentaries on you, Stevie.”

“There wasn’t time for me to—“

“That’s my point, they should have _made_ time. Fuck, Steve, you were fighting aliens a week after you woke up! Did anyone even take the time to show you the ropes? To show you anything at all about the future?”

Tears pricked at Steve’s eyes but he desperately swallowed them back. “They needed Captain America.”

“And in the process, you lost Steve Rogers,” he frowned, gently brushing Steve’s cheek as the tears welled up even faster. “You have sacrificed yourself for this world for too long. They’ve beaten and bruised and bled you more than your body can freely give, and this is coming from the man with a missing arm.”

“I like your arm.”

Bucky chuckled as Steve took the metal hand in his own and brought it up to press against his cheek. “Thanks to you even I’m starting to like it,” Bucky smiled. “I know we’ve had a rough and rocky timeline since we found each other again, and I ain’t exactly what I used to be, but I want to help you, Stevie. You’ve been stuck up in that big head of yours for longer than I’d like to think about and I hate seeing you try to hide it from us. From me. It’s been seventy plus years but you’re still my best friend and I still know you better than anyone here. Your friends care about you, a lot, and I want to help show them the Stevie that I grew up knowing. The one I know and love.”

Steve’s heart ached in his chest, making his healing wounds sting even more. As much as he hated to admit it, Bucky was right. Ever since he woke up he’d been thrown into work, into press conferences, interviews; so much so he felt like he was drowning all over again. There was never time to talk about anything, let alone enough time to stop and take a full breath of air, before he was tossed back into the field on some important mission. He was the good soldier, the _obedient_ soldier, who took orders instead of asking questions. He made the mistake of asking once if he could take a day for himself, a ‘ _mental health day_ ’ as Sam calls them, but Fury said there would be time for breaks when he was dead.

Again.

Life had been a blur of black and gray and nameless faces since he woke up. But then, on that bridge back in D.C., he ripped the mask off and found himself staring at his heart. Suddenly the world exploded with color and, like wind in a sail, he felt like he could _breathe_ again. Fuck, how had he even survived without Bucky? Looking back now, he really hadn’t, had he? Realizing the tears had started streaming down his face, he forced himself sitting to pull Bucky into a hug, his face shoving roughly into his shoulder. “Thank you.”

“I love you, Stevie, and all I want is to see you happy. The world has worn us both down, but I think, together, we can pick ourselves back up, you know?”

Steve let out a sigh of relief as he sat back to press his forehead to Bucky’s, his fingers dragging through the new patch of hair growing over the incision from his surgery. “Together. From here on out.”

“Good,” Bucky chastely kissed him. “Now lay back down so I can get that last bullet out. You’re still bleeding on me.”

Just as Bucky taped a bandage over the last bullet hole, Wanda and Sam stepped into the clearing. “There you are! Are you guys alright?” Steve asked as Bucky pulled him standing.

“Are _you_ alright? You’re both covered in blood!” Sam waved his hands at them.

“Most of it’s Steve’s,” Bucky wrinkled his nose at his ruined shirt. “Man, I liked this shirt too.”

“Sorry,” Steve frowned before lifting his attention back to Wanda and Sam. “Where have you been? We lost you in the fray.”

“We were hunting down the last straggler. Caught him right before he hopped on their getaway ship,” Sam grinned. As if to answer Bucky and Steve’s looks of confusion, he stepped to the side to reveal a slumped over form glowing red with Wanda’s magic. “Figured T’Challa would want to question him.”

“Did you disable the agents here?” Wanda asked.

“Steve took out most of them while I hunted down the sniper. Judging by their field report, nobody knew they were here,” Bucky glanced over the paper he’d snatched from the sniper’s belt. “Rogue mission to basically clean up their own mess from Alaska.”

“Looks like we hit a lucky streak,” Sam sighed in relief. “Come on, let’s clean up and get back to the palace. Sooner we talk to the king and Aneka, the sooner they can hike up their security. You know, just in case.”

After debriefing with Aneka and T’Challa, Bucky and Steve retired to their rooms to change. Deciding Steve needed help scrubbing himself down, Bucky shared a shower with him before they each slipped into a pair of sweatpants and wandered into the kitchen. Bucky warmed up the chicken parmesan he’d cooked for them the night before, neither of them having the energy to cook anything else let alone make their way down to the commissary. They talked and ate as much as they could before managing to waddle to the living room and pile onto the couch, Steve pressing Bucky down into the cushions as he flopped down on top of him. Since neither could find the remote they settled on re-watching the movie Sam had them watch the night before—though Steve didn’t mind watching the little fish try to find his son again—both of them beginning to drift off almost instantly.

As Bucky’s fingers began to slow its pace across his spine, signaling he was dozing, Steve thought back to the whole healing process they discussed earlier. He wasn’t a huge fan of the idea of talking about his problems, his bad memories, but Buck was right—he needed to start somewhere and he was the best place. He trusted Bucky with his heart, mind, body, and soul, and he felt he could spill his soul to him without judgement. Especially considering what he’d gone through too. So, he decided to start with baby steps. “My mom knew.”

“Hm?” Bucky blinked his eyes open. “What about Sarah?”

“She knew about my feelings for you,” Steve mumbled, ignoring the way Bucky tensed beneath him. “Said she’d known since before even I figured it out.”

“And—“he swallowed thickly,”—and what did she think about it?”

His heart began to race, Steve burying his head into his dubbed ‘ _safe spot_ ’ in Bucky’s neck. “She was scared, of course. Scared that you’d leave me broken hearted, but I think she was more terrified of what would happen if you did love me the same way. You know how it was back then, Buck. ‘Course she was scared,” he mumbled. “Either way she trusted you to protect me. You always were her favorite.”

“Of course I was. I’m the only one who can get through that thick skull of yours,” he felt Bucky grin. “I’m glad she would have approved of us though. Wish she could see us now.”

“She’d be pissed.”

“Can you imagine if both of our moms were here right now?”

“HYDRA wouldn’t exist anymore. If people think we’re a scary team, they should have seen our mothers together.”

Both of them chuckled at that thought; their mothers were always a dangerous team, even when they were younger. They fell silent for another few minutes, Bucky continuing the pattern up and down his back. Just as Steve began to sink into sleep however, Bucky cleared his throat. “Can I ask you something? I think—I think I already know the answer, but I need to hear it from you.”

“Ask away.”

He was quiet for a few moments, his grip around Steve tightening. Then, just as Steve was about to poke his side to get him speaking, he breathed out. “You could have gotten off of the Valkyrie, couldn’t you.”

It didn’t even sound like a question. He knew. Of course he knew, it was Bucky. Surprisingly, though Steve didn’t feel guilty about it anymore; if anything he felt resigned. “Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you try and save yourself? Get to safety?”

Steve sighed before pushing himself up onto his elbows so he could get a clear view of Bucky’s face. “Because six days before that, my heart fell into a ravine.”

“Steve….that’s a shitty reason for ending your life, you know?”

“How? You _died_ , Buck. I was going to have to go back home to _our_ apartment and go through _your_ stuff by myself. To basically get rid of your things and I couldn’t—“he grit passed the ache in his chest. “I could have pushed through it, I could have stayed and been Captain America, and I could have married Peggy but—fuck, I wouldn’t have been happy. I would have been more of a shell than I am now and that’s not—it’s not living. It’s surviving. I wasn’t kidding when I told that asshole angel back in fifth grade that I didn’t want to live a day more after you died. And I ended up having to do it for six!”

Bucky nodded as he cupped his face, obviously accepting his reasoning which—he was surprised but was thankful for. He was tired of defending his actions from seventy fucking years ago. “You’re hopeless, you know that?”

“Yeah well, if you’d stop dying on me then I wouldn’t have to be so dramatic.”

“Oh please, you were born dramatic.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long for me to get this out to you guys, but I hope it was worth the wait.  
> Anyway, there's only one chapter to go! Thank you all for the support. You are amazing.


	9. Chapter 9

“Mail call!” Steve hollered as he wandered back into their apartment.

Yes, it was their apartment now. After the talk with Bucky about bringing his walls down, they decided staying in one place together was better than being separate. Not that they didn’t basically live with each other before that anyway. Bucky glanced up from where he was standing in the kitchen, human hand curled around a mug of coffee as the other clutched a paperback Wanda had suggested to him. The two had started having lunch regularly, especially after learning both had had a close relationship with Rune. When he noticed the large box in his hand, he grinned and set both things aside. “My, my, did my babydoll bring me somethin’ nice?”

Steve’s face instantly flamed at the endearment. “S-stop that.”

“Hey, you were the one who reminded me about it,” Bucky pointed at him. “Only got yourself to blame.”

“Yeah, well, it was embarrassing back then and it’s embarrassing now.”

“Only because you like it when I call you my beautiful, perfect, babydoll.” When Steve simply glanced down at the box in his hands, barely fighting off a smile and the deepening blush, Bucky chuckled. “Thought so. Who is the package from?”

“Looks like Natasha’s hand-writing. She didn’t use her name on the shipping address, but I hope no one willingly named their child Pippy.”

“Aw, spiderling got me a present?” he gasped in excitement before beginning to tear it open. “Wonder what she sent me? Must me freaking big considering the size of the—“

Suddenly he froze, his eyes wide as he stared down into the box. Steve’s heart raced as he watched him slowly pull out a massive Captain America plush. A tsum-tsum if he remembered right; he was there when they were first released over in Japan. It was a frenzy but Stark soaked up the attention. Bucky’s face was blank, eyes glued to the face of the plush held precariously in between his hands. Shit, was he having a flashback? He hadn’t really seen any Captain America merchandise since the surgery so they didn’t really know how he’d react to actually seeing the man in uniform, stuffed or not. Heart beginning to race in a panic, he took a hesitant step closer. “Buck?”

Bucky’s face snapped over to look at him before slowly the shock morphed into a full out smile. “MINE!”

Before he could even blink, Bucky was bounding over to the couch and planting himself, and the fluffy version of Steve, across the cushions. It took him a few seconds to realize that Bucky was fine, there hadn’t been any bad flashbacks or triggers, and that he was in love with a complete and total nerd. After shaking the shock out of his bones he finished looking through the box for any kind of card. Sure enough, buried in the wrappings, he found a note. “She saw this while on a mission in London and thought of you. Says she misses us and hopes to ‘drop in’ soon.”

“She really does know me, huh?” Bucky called. Steve could barely make out the next sentence, his face probably buried in the plush. “My God, it’s so fluffy!”

“Don’t be getting too comfortable over there; a guy might start to assume some things.”

“Jealous?”

Steve shrugged, unabashed as he set the empty box by the door to take out later. “Maybe.”

“Aw, you got nothin’ to worry about, Stevie. Nobody could beat the real thing.”

Almost as if to prove his point, he draped himself over Steve’s lap as soon as he sat down. He couldn’t help his chuckle as he rolled his eyes at the Cheshire Cat grin he received. “Yeah, yeah. Would you just pick something for us to watch?”

“Do we have time for anything?” Bucky asked as he, and the plush, curled up more against his thighs. “We’re supposed to be meeting Sam for training.”

“Not for another half-hour,” Steve reminded him as he sunk a hand through dark locks. “Wanda said she might join us.”

“Aw, little witch is going to fight too? That will be entertaining.”

“She’s going to kick our asses, you know.”

“Oh, I expect it, but it’s still going to be fun. I haven’t dealt with anything outside of a physical fight since—shit, can’t even remember.”

“She’s gotten better; she started training with Aneka maybe a month after we got here.”

“Damn. Aneka’s not one to fuck with.”

“Her teammates either.”

After watching an episode of Top Chef, Bucky’s current obsession on Netflix, they made their way downstairs to the training room. Sam and Wanda were already waiting for them, Wanda watching a dumbbell as it floated around their heads. “Sorry, have you been waiting long?”

“No, we only got here a few minutes ago,” Wanda smiled, a heavy thunk signaling the dumbbell had dropped. “How are you? Have you slept? And eaten?”

“Bucky made us omelets this morning and now has a new Captain America plush to sleep with at night.”

“Ha! You got one of the pill-bug looking dudes?” Sam beamed. “Tic-Tac sent me the mini-Falcon and Ant-man one a few weeks ago!”

“Are they small and round? Because I believe Tony had given me one of Vision a few months before—well, you know.”

“’The-incident-we-do-not-talk-about’,” Sam boomed. “Or are we talking about ‘the-kiss-that-shall-not-be-named-ever-again’.”

“No,” Bucky growled. “No we are not. All you had to do was move your seat up, Wilson!”

“I wasn’t moving for your grumpy-assassin ass. Took me forever just to get comfortable in that cramped box of a car. Which—“he sharply turned to Steve with a glare,”—was a terrible idea. I know you were going for inconspicuous, but cramming not only an ex-pararescue, but two massive super-soldiers, into a tiny bug is more suspicious than the damn car itself!”

“We had limited options! And as much as I wanted to take the SUV or even a sedan, that’s what they would have been looking for!”

Sam groaned before turning to Bucky. “Has he always been this much of a pain in the ass?”

“He took all the stupid with him when he crashed that plane,” Bucky shrugged. “Apparently it never left.”

“Rude!”

“As amusing as this is,” Wanda announced, not even bothering to hide her laughter, “we do actually have a lesson to get to here.”

“Yes, Wanda.”

After a few hours, and getting their asses handed to them even after Sam, Steve, and Bucky teamed up against her, they made their way down to the dining room for lunch. “She got you good with somethin’, didn’t she?”

Steve winced when Bucky brushed the large cherry on his cheek. “I think that was the weight stand she chucked at us.”

“So much for those government-made reflexes, huh?”

“Oh shut-up. At least I managed to duck the flying punching bag!”

“What can I say? That glorious ass of yours is distracting, babydoll.”

Once again, Steve’s face flushed a deep red. “Fuck, Bucky.”

“Again, that can be arranged!”

“You know what I’ve noticed?” Sam suddenly cut in, eyes curious as he glanced between the two of them. “You’re cussing a hell of a lot more than before. Ever since Barnes woke up, actually.”

“Me?” Steve blinked. “Have I?”

“Wait a second, are you trying to tell me that Steve doesn’t cuss?” Bucky blinked. “The skinny shit who used to give sailors a run for their money back then?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, he freely cussed? Mr. the-Avengers-think-I’m-a-non-cussing-angel?”

When he realized both of them were practically gaping at him, Steve frowned. “Well, they were the ones who assumed I was as innocent as Captain America’s supposed to be; everyone does. I just never correct them.”

“Yeah, well, I like this Steve a lot better. Doesn’t act like he’d got a stick up his ass.”

“Doesn’t have to be a st—“

Steve quickly clamped a hand over Bucky’s mouth before the rest of the sentence could come out, Sam immediately bursting into laughter. “You know, I’m actually starting to appreciate the fact you woke up, Barnes.

“Why thank-you, Mr. Wilson,” he grinned after removing Steve’s hand, interlacing their fingers instead. “So, you up for another marathon later?”

“I can’t. I’ve got a—“

When he came up short, both Steve and Bucky zeroed in on him. “Sam?”

“Nothing. I’ve just got things to do tonight. That’s all. Nothing else.”

“Uh huh, and I’m a penguin,” Bucky snorted. “You can either tell us now or expect an ex-assassin to be following you around the palace the rest of the night.”

“He’ll do it too,” Steve nodded through a mouthful of grapes. “I wouldn’t test him.”

Sam looked like he wanted to, but at Bucky’s raised brow, he swallowed a gulp of juice. “I have a date tonight.”

“Wait, what? With who?”

“With Aneka,” Wanda answered smoothly from where, again, she’d been watching their discussion across the table. “She was the one who asked him out.”

“I wanted to! But she’s terrifying!”

“I expect every detail about this date,” Bucky demanded, Steve nodding. “This is amazing.”

“It’s not-not that big of a deal.”

“I’m just bummed I missed Mr. sucks-at-flirting actually get asked out.”

“Hey! It’s only funny when I do it!” Sam whined. “God, you two are assholes.”

“That you love.”

After finishing lunch, and making Sam promise he’d update them on his date, they made their way back up to their rooms, Wanda leaving them at the elevator to check her mail. “Did you want to continue our chef marathon?”

“As long as I get to make-out with your face and cuddle that massive plushie of you, hell yes,” Bucky winked.

“Well, I can’t really argue with that, can I?”

After Bucky changed out of his training gear into a pair of basketball shorts and a baggy sweater that used to be Steve’s, they curled up on the couch again, Bucky sprawling over Steve’s chest as he started the next episode. Not too long after though, Bucky had fallen asleep, the drool already soaking through Steve’s shirt. He couldn’t help his smile though as he dragged his fingers lightly through his hair, full on beaming when Bucky snuggled further into his sternum, hands clutching tighter around his shirt. It was moments like this he could see the old Bucky, the one that had never seen war before. The one he’d watch during the early hours of the morning as the sun rose, the light practically glittering over him. The one who’d take cat naps beneath the window next to where Steve was intently drawing in his notebook. His features just had that innocence HYDRA ended up burning away. That’s not to say Steve loved this Bucky any less, he just—this wasn’t the life he’d imagined for them growing up. Not even close. But, despite the hell both of them had been through, they still ended up here, with each other, and mostly in one piece. They were the anchors that kept each other from losing their sanity, from doing something permanent that they couldn’t come back from, just like it’d always been since the first day they met.

Steve wouldn’t trade any version of Bucky, not even for the world, and the second they tried to take him away, Steve _burned_ them for it.

Just as he too began to doze off however, there came a knock at the door, his eyes groggily opening. What time was it? Was Sam done with his date already? When he attempted to move, Bucky made an annoyed sound and clung tighter. Steve rolled his eyes but chastely kissed his head. “C’mon Buck. I gotta see who that is.”

“Why?” Bucky whined, obediently rolling off when Steve slid out from beneath him. “Dammit, now I’m cold.”

“Cuddle with the squishy me until I get back,” he chuckled. Another knock sounded as he made his way through the living room, though when he opened the door he was surprised to find Wanda standing in the hallway. As soon as she looked up at him however, his heart sank. “Wanda? Are you ok?”

Her eyes were rimmed red, her cheeks stained with drying tears, but she still managed a small smile. “I will be, thank you. I’m here to deliver something, actually. I was instructed to drop it off as soon as, and I quote, ‘the two super-soldiers have gotten their heads from their asses’. Thankfully that seems to have already happened.”

“What is she talking about?” Bucky questioned as he waddled up behind him, attempting to rub the sleep from his eyes. “Whose asses?”

“This is for you,” Wanda answered as she held out what looked like a flashdrive, a penguin charm dangling from it. “I received one of my own this morning and this was included in the package.”

“Who is it from?”

When he noticed Wanda glancing over his shoulder at Bucky, he turned to find him staring at the drive in what he could only conclude was fear. “It is from мојa месец. It is her last good-bye.”

The Serbian nickname stuck out, Steve’s eyes widening. “Rune.”

“That’s—“Bucky swallowed thickly as he tried to find his voice,”—that’s the flashdrive she took with us on information extractions. I was the one who got her that penguin keychain. Well, stole it, technically.”

Wanda nodded solemnly before taking a deep breath and lifting her head high again. “I will leave you to view it in peace. I hope to see you at dinner, though.”

“We’ll be there, Wanda. I promise.”

After a final smile and wave, she disappeared back down the hall to her room, Steve slowly closing the door. His eyes were glued to the flashdrive though, his heart loud in his ears as everything fell silent around them. “So—um, do we watch it?”

Bucky rolled his eyes before snatching the flashdrive from his hand and marching over to their TV. It took him a few minutes to get to the right input but when the drive opened, they found two files inside. One had been labeled ‘Read Me First’, and the second ‘Security Proof’. Rune was very creative with names, apparently. After pressing the first file they both took a step back, neither of them sitting back on the couch; they were too on edge to sit still. It took a few seconds for the video to load but just as Steve started to worry the file had been corrupted, the screen lit to life and there she was. The image was shaky though and just as the camera attempted to focus on her face, there was a loud noise and suddenly they were staring at the ceiling. “ _God dammit._ ”

“Wait a minute,” Steve squinted. “I think—this looks like our motel in Alaska. Right before we hit the bunker.”

The screen shook more, the room going in and out of focus multiple times before Rune let out a flurry of curses. Then, there was the sound of duct tape being ripped apart, and finally they had a clear picture of Rune sitting at the table by the window. When did she have time to do all of this? Natasha, she, and Steve were always toge— _oh_. There was that twenty-six hours he’d been unconscious. “Jesus,” Bucky whispered, the words just barely audible as he stared at the woman who’d once been his primary handler. Steve forgot that this was the first time he’d seen her since she disappeared right before D.C. two years ago.

 _Two years, six months, seven days, thirty-five minutes, and twelve seconds_.

Nope. Not the time for that. His attention snapped back when Bucky grasped his sleeve, eyes still glued to the TV, desperately using him as an anchor. “She looks good, Stevie. Look at ‘er, my God. Only two years and she looks so grown-up.” 

“ _Um, hi_ ,” Rune waved after seeming to get her bearings back. “ _So, I never intended to make one of these but, after certain events, I feel like I need to. As I hope Wanda told you, this video is for both Steve and Bucky so, make sure the both of you are watching, ok?_ ” 

“What events?” Bucky questioned. 

“When I ran out into the snow and passed out after hearing about Natasha and you." 

“So dramatic when you’re jealous, babydoll.” 

“ _Steve, I guess I’ll start with you, yeah? I shouldn’t have put this on you. If anything I should have realized how tightly you hold onto guilt. Especially when you think it’s your fault somehow, which is ridiculous, I hope you know. I get it though; you’ve been around a long time, and you’ve lost a lot of good people you felt responsible for. But, Steve? This wasn’t your fault and it never will be. I’m a big girl, survived through HYDRA and everything, so I know what I’m doing. Know what I did. And you have to believe me when I tell you that there was no other way to do this. Not even with a teleporter or the fastest man on earth,_ ” she attempted to reason with him. Steve could feel his eyes begin to burn but managed to hold them back, especially when he felt Bucky slide his hand down into his own and squeeze. “ _I made a promise. A promise to a man who loves you. Who still loves you even after all the hell he was put through, and I intended to see it through to the end. Even if it meant my demise. Like I told you before though, he’s worth it._ ” 

“She’s right,” Steve mumbled. “You were worth it, Buck. I know you questioned it on the jet when we were headed to Siberia but—you were always worth it. Always.” 

Bucky’s response was silent as he gripped his hand tighter but Steve understood, their attention turning back to the screen. Rune had gone quiet again and, as she twisted her hands nervously in front of her, bu they both could see the tears welling up in her eyes. “ _Buck?_ ” she choked out, Bucky’s body going rigid. “ _I’m sorry, Bucky. I am so fucking sorry for everything that happened after I left. I shouldn’t—I should have known something was wrong when they assigned me to that mission. I should have known as soon as I boarded that fucking jet in Nova Scotia and saw Rumlow sitting in your seat that I’d been made. Leaving you—Боже, мне так жаль, мой солдат._ ” 

At the sight of Rune breaking down, Bucky crumbled, his hand reaching for the screen despite knowing he wouldn’t be able to touch her. “все в порядке. Не плачь” his voice pleaded. “я прощаю тебя. И всегда прощал.” 

It took her a long time to calm herself down, her sobs slowly dying off to choked off sniffles after a few minutes. “ _Jesus, I’m a mess. Прости_ ,” she chuckled lightly as she dabbed at her face with her sleeve, Bucky’s eyes never leaving her. “ _I wish I could have been there when you woke up. God, it killed me when I heard you’d put yourself back into cryo; I always hated that fucking thing. But, at least I know you’re in good hands now at T’Challa’s palace over there. And Steve—yeah, his dedication is a bit overboard but, it’s coming from a good place. All he wants is to see you happy, just like I do. And I know in exchange you’ll take care of him too. Poor guy needs it, geeze._ ” 

“Hey!” he bellowed out a laugh as Rune grinned, not even Bucky able to help his watery snicker. “Rude.” 

“ _Sorry, Cap_ ,” Rune winked. She took a moment to collect herself again, taking a deep breath. “ _During our time with HYDRA, my biggest wish was to get you home. Neither of us might have known where that was back then, but now—it’s nice to know I was preparing you to get back home to Steve. Because, come on, you two are the epitome of a cheesy romance! Like, seriously, I’m surprised no one’s made a damn movie about you guys. I’d go see it though, honestly._ ” 

“She was just a big of a sap as you,” Bucky finally spoke. 

“I’m glad I got to meet her, Buck,” Steve smiled, squeezing his hand. “She really was somethin’ special." 

“She really was, wasn’t she?” 

“ _OH! Um, yeah….I also did something else_ ,” Rune mumbled suddenly, looking everywhere but at the camera. “ _Something neither of you are going to like_.” 

Both of their eyes immediately narrowed. “What did you do?” Bucky demanded. 

Once again, Rune glanced up at the ceiling instead. “ _Well, I couldn’t just stand around, you know? I was muzzled for two years and I had a lot on my mind! Especially considering that whole Civil War nonsense and HYDRA falling and….well, you really shouldn’t be all that surprised about this. Or, maybe you are. Not like you could really come after me anyway, being dead and all—_ “ 

“Would you just tell us!?” 

Surprisingly she caved and threw her hands up. “ _I went and saw Stark!_ ” 

Bucky and Steve froze. “W-what?” 

Rune scratched at the back of her head for a few seconds before shrugging. “ _Happened before I even made it to Wakanda but I promise nothin’ bad happened; didn’t use my gift or anything, you can watch the security footage I’m going to attach and see for yourself! I just—I needed him to understand. I know he’s got a right to be angry but he—his anger has been misplaced this entire time and I couldn’t just sit there while he was out there blaming you!_ ” she growled. “ _So, I went and saw him after I’d caught up on life for the past two years._ ” 

“You didn’t hear anything about Stark dying, did you?” 

Steve shook his head, Bucky relaxing, though minutely. “ _The problem is, talking to him meant I had to talk about the thing we don’t talk about_ ,” Rune mumbled, Bucky almost instantly going tense again as he clenched his eyes shut, a tremor surging through him so sharply even Steve could feel it. “ _But if I was going to get through to him he needed to hear it from someone who understood. Someone who knows exactly what is going on in that giant head of his!_ ” 

“Buck, what is she talking about?” Steve asked almost hesitantly, but Bucky ignored him. 

“ _I know you feel you deserve it, his hate, because it was you that killed his parents, but you don’t, Buck. People just need someone to blame and you’re the perfect physical body to beat that anger into, and it’s not right! You didn’t ask for this. You didn’t want anything to do with any of this, but you had no choice. If anyone deserves the brunt of the world’s anger it’s me! I was your primary handler, I was the one who gave you 75% of your fucking kill orders! You literally had no say in anything they forced you to do and nobody seems to fucking get that!_ ” she exclaimed. She crossed her arms with an angry huff as she sat fully back in her seat, glowering down at the floor as she ground her teeth together. After a few minutes of reigning in her temper, she sighed. “ _I just want you to be able to live your life again, Buck. I want you to be free, have for the past twenty-three fucking years. So, if getting you there means I have to scream at Stark, then so be it. Besides, he ain’t really that bad of a guy. He deserves peace too, and he ain’t gonna find it trying to hunt you down. Steve’s like a god damn brick wall anyway. The rest of his team too._.” 

Another length of time passed, Rune spending most of it mumbling angrily to herself, before eventually she resigned herself to looking back at the camera. “ _I better go before the spiderling comes back. She’s trying to help us break into the bunker’s security, but the service in Alaska sucks. Also, sitting in a room with a comatose Steve is creepy. I mean, he ain’t even twitched in at least twenty-hours!_ ” she said as she glanced somewhere off screen, most likely over to the bed where Steve was still unconscious. “ _I’m sorry that this is the only real good-bye you get, but a promise is a promise, Buck. Even if I did scar Steve in the process. Just, take care of yourselves, ok? And that little family of yours. It’ll be fixed again soon, I can feel it, you just have to be patient. So, yeah. Увидимся в следующей жизни._ ” 

With that, she reached for a button on the camera, and disappeared. 

Neither of them moved, not for a long time, barely a breath audible in the ringing silence. Bucky’s hand was still clenched around his, nearly to the point he could feel the bones grinding together, but he made no move to pull away. Steve had so many questions running through his head but he couldn’t imagine what was going through Bucky’s. He looked so lost staring at Rune’s fading image. What was he supposed to say? Steve got to say good-bye to her in person, seconds before she died in that explosion. Buck though—this was as good as he was going to get. “She was six.” 

Steve blinked at him in surprise. “What?” 

“I lied to you when I said the first time I’d met her was in that bunker in Alaska,” Bucky said, seeming to shrink into himself as he refused to meet Steve’s eye. “She wasn’t eighteen. She was six.” 

The color drained from Steve as his jaw dropped, eyes widening in realization. “Buck.” 

“I didn’t remember what happened. They always zapped me directly after the debrief when I got back from a mission, so there’s no way I could have recognized her when we first met even if I wanted to.” 

“She never mentioned anything to you?” 

Bucky shook his head, hair falling around his face as his attention glued to the floor. Steve desperately wanted to reach for him, but knew it wouldn’t be welcomed right now. “Said she never would have brought it up, even if I hadn’t ended up remembering.” 

“What-what happened?” 

“I wasn’t kidding when I told Stark that I remember all of them. Seventy plus years of missions and assassinations and I remember every single one as clear as day. Rune and Stark’s though, they stick out more prominently than the others,” he mumbled, obviously steeling himself. He’d always felt shamed telling Steve about his missions, about all of the blood stained into his hands, but he knew it was cathartic in a way. A way to get it off his chest and out into the open where Steve could help him through it. “Her family lived in this little tutor home in Oregon, just off the coast. I spent a week watching their routines, their habits, their lives. If I wanted to get them home at once and have enough time to get back out unnoticed, I needed to time it perfectly. My main mission was to kill the mother and father, making sure their daughter saw. No harm was to come to her though, they were sure to stress that to me. Did you know she was a soccer player? Twice a week her and her mother would get in the car, Rune dressed up in her cleats and jersey, and they’d head out to the field. Then they’d come home and have dinner together as a family to talk about their day.” 

“Like we used to do as kids.” 

“Except you couldn’t run for shit,” Bucky managed a smirk, though still kept his eyes down. “I wasn’t supposed to be there as long as I was, and I think the leaders knew I was stalling. They ended up sending my primary at the time down to kick me into gear, threatening to throw me back into the chair to make me more compliant to their orders. So, that night I had to make my move. They were watching a movie together, meaning all of them were defenseless and vulnerable, and it was my best chance to get in and out cleanly.” He went quiet again, throat clicking and hand shaking in Steve’s grip. “Her dad was easy to eliminate. As soon as I got through the window, I got a grip on his head and snapped his neck with one move. Her mom made to protect Rune, but I couldn’t risk the kid getting caught in the fray, so I grabbed her and wrapped my arm around her throat. Then—then the entire time I was killing this woman, I had to stare down into the eyes of this—of this innocent girl. Jesus, she was only six! And here she was losing both of her parents to some—some _monster_.” 

“Bucky…” 

Bucky shook his head though, keeping Steve where he was. “We were on a mission in Washington when I remembered. I’m not—I still don’t remember what caused the flashback, but one second we’re staking out this arms dealer on the roof of a firehouse, and the next all I can see is six-year-old Rune,” Bucky choked out. “I ran when I realized what I did. I tried hiding out but she knew exactly where’d I go; she’d been my primary for almost fifteen years at that point so of course she knew my habits. I just—I couldn’t believe she hadn’t killed me yet. I was the agent who killed her parents, who forced her to witness their deaths, but she never even tried. I mean, fuck, all she had to do was order me to put a gun in my mouth and I’d’ve done it, powers or not. I’d have deserved it too. Rune though—Rune shut me down. She told me that we were going to talk about it this one time, get everything out on the table, get the emotions out of the way, and then we were never going to talk about it again. So, that’s what we did. We talked and I screamed and we cried together; I still—I still don’t understand what I did to deserve her. The girl basically saved my ass for twenty-three years.” 

“She never told me,” Steve said after a bit. “She’d said a HYDRA agent killed her parents and that’s how she ended up signing with SHIELD, but she never named them. I don’t think she ever intended to.” 

“Why—“Bucky swallowed over a choked sob, “—why is it always the good ones, Steve?” 

As soon as Bucky broke down Steve swiftly pulled him into a hug. Bucky clung to him, grip tight against the back of his shirt as he cried. Steve quietly hushed him, tucking his head beneath his cheek as he ran a hand up and down his spine. He wasn’t sure how long they stood there like that but eventually Bucky calmed, Steve gently wiping his cheeks dry with his sleeve when he reluctantly pulled back. “At least we know she died loving you with all of her heart.” 

“And you,” Bucky muttered. “You always were a heart throb.” 

“For dark haired beauties apparently,” Steve grinned. When his attention turned back to the TV again is when he remembered the second file Rune had attached. “We don’t have to watch it, you know.” 

“Yes, we do,” Bucky mumbled, though made no move to worm out of his arms. “I’ve got to make sure Rune didn’t do anything stupid. Yeah, she promised to never use her gift on any of us, but she does have a temper.” 

“Are you sure?” Steve asked again. 

When Bucky nodded, Steve shuffled them forward enough to press the play button without letting him go. The screen buzzed with static for a long while before sharply clearing, giving them a sky view of what Steve recognized as Stark’s lab. Sure enough, Stark appeared from somewhere off the left side of the screen, what looked like one of his gauntlets in hand. As he set it on the workbench and began to go at it with a flathead however, the sound of a security lock beeping open echoed from somewhere out of shot. Stark didn’t bother lifting his head. “ _Rhodey! It’s about time you showed up. I was just working on upgrades to your American Machine—War Patriot? Jesus, I can’t even keep them straight. Been so damn long since you were in the suit anyway. Speaking of, how was therapy today?_ ” 

That’s when they spotted Rune as she stepped into the picture, her eyes glancing around the room in awe. “ _Didn’t you paint War Machine on his cane? Which, nice upgrade, by the way._ ” 

At the unfamiliar voice Stark whirled around, the screwdriver thrusting out like a weapon in front of him. “ _You—who are you? How’d you get in here?_ ” 

“ _Oh! Friday let me in. She’s super sweet! And I love her accent. Is it Scottish?_ ” 

“ _Irish, ma’am._ ” 

Stark narrowed his eyes skyward before glaring back at Rune. “ _What about my security guards up front? What did you do to them?_ ” 

“ _Nothing. Apparently a young blue haired girl walking through the lobby is normal. Lucky me._ ” 

“ _So then who are you?_ ” Stark finally caved, fingers inching across his workbench towards something they couldn’t see. “ _And what do you want?_ ” 

“ _My name is Rune, I’m an ex-employee for HYDRA, and there’s no point in pushing that panic button. Nobody will help you._ ” 

Stark went stiff, eyes wide as he stared at her. “ _You’re—you work for HYDRA?_ ” 

“ _Ex-HYDRA, Stark. Big on the Ex part. And, before you start getting dramatic on me, no. I’m not here to kill you or harm you in any single way. Scout’s honor._ ” 

“ _And why shouldn’t I call security on you?_ ” 

“ _Because right now Friday is ordered to listen to me and only me. Isn’t that right, Friday?_ ” 

“ _Yes, ma’am._ ” 

“ _What the hell did you do to her?_ ” 

“ _Friday will be fine as soon as I leave. She’s currently working against her will—yes, Stark, even A.I’s have wills—so, if it’s any consolation, she’d rather fry me with a laser right now than listen to anything I have to say._ ” 

After staring her down for a long while, eyes squinting, Stark finally relented and tossed the screwdriver back onto the workbench. “ _Ok, fine. I bite. What do you want?_ ” 

“ _I’m here to talk about the little showdown you were involved in._ ” 

“ _Yeah, well, we each chose a side. We’re all big girls and boys and we can make our own decisions on what side we fight on there, blueberry._ ” 

“ _I wasn’t talking about at the airport, Stark. Although that was quite the fight,_ ” she nodded in agreement as she took a few steps closer, eyes continuing to roam the shop. “ _No, I was thinking more along the lines of the showdown that happened in Siberia._ ” 

In a matter of milliseconds Stark had bowed up in anger, his eyes narrowed. “ _Yeah? What the hell business of yours is that?_ ”

“ _Anything involving Barnes, or now Rogers, is my business._ ”

“ _If you’re here to get me to forgive them, it’s not happening. Kill me if you fucking want, but I will never forgive that—_ ”

“ _Sir, I’d beg you to please refrain from speaking ill of Sergeant James Barnes in front of our guest,_ ” Friday cut in sharply.

That only seemed to make him angrier. “ _Why should I do anything to please her? She’s the one that broke into my shop to threaten me!_ ”

“ _Because judging by my facial recognition scans, this is Rune Lilliana Crow, code name подавитель воли. She was born with a gift that HYDRA, from the case files I’ve collected, reaped when Alexander Pierce sold her contract under the table from SHIELD._ ”

“ _And what exactly is this ‘gift’ of hers?_ ”

“ _She—well, to put it simply, she has the ability to bend one’s will. It is why I am currently obeying her orders, sir._ ”

The color drained from Stark’s face, his eyes widening. “ _You—you force people to do whatever you want? And you worked for HYDRA!?_ ”

“ _I’m not a fan of using my gift on innocents but, shit happens._ ”

“ _So do you plan on using it on me then? Is that why you’re here?_ ”

“ _I swore I wouldn’t, so no. I am simply here to—well, persuade you to see all of this in a different light._ ”

“ _So you do expect me to forgive him! He killed my parents in cold blood, for no reason! He did it without even flinching, trust me, I had to watch it! So don’t you dare stand there expecting sympathy from me. Especially not some freak friend of his._ ”

“ _Sir, she wasn’t just the sergeant’s friend,_ ” Friday answered gently. Judging by the way Rune’s nails were digging harshly into her palms, Friday had sensed her rising anger and jumped in once again to sooth the situation. “ _She was his handler. From records, she had been his primary for the past twenty-three years._ ”

Once again, Stark’s eyes widened. “ _You were the one holding his leash!? You—you bend wills. You bent his will?_ ”

“ _No. Like I said earlier, I’d made a promise that prevents me from using it on certain people. Besides, I didn’t become his primary until 1993._ ”

“ _So what excuse are you trying to sew for him then, huh? The whole, ‘he was just following orders’ bullshit? Come on, you can’t expect me to believe that!_ ” Stark exclaimed as he threw his hands up. “ _That son of a bitch killed my parents. I actually felt bad for him for a second there after hearing Cap’s sob story about long lost friends, but now I know he was just protecting a killer all along! God, there wasn’t even any remorse in that asshole’s face when he did it either!_ ”

“ _There was, though. Trust me._ ”

Stark snorted. “ _What the fuck do you know? He didn’t murder your fucking family, did he?_ ” he shrieked. Rune stare never faltered as she watched him; it didn’t look like any emotions had passed her face but Steve knew better. He knew there was a storm brewing in her that she was desperately trying to hold together. And, judging by the way Bucky was squirming, he knew it too. The realization, and Rune’s lack of reaction, seemed to show on Stark’s face as his glare softened into confusion. “ _Did he?_ ”

“ _I was six when a man with a metal arm broke into my house and killed both of my parents right in front of me, making sure I knew exactly who’d done it too. Then, twelve years later, I came face to face with their killer. I was literally given the golden gift of revenge, and with my ability, I could have made his death as fast or as slow as I wanted to._ ”

“ _Since popsicle is still walking around, obviously you didn’t kill him,_ ” Stark glanced her over. “ _Why?_ ”

“ _In war, people have used the excuse of ‘soldiers simply following orders’, but that’s not really the case is it? Those who sign up, and most do, know they are going into a battle drenched in bloodshed and death. Soldiers know they will have to kill whatever enemy their commander demands, no matter who the targets are. Hell, it’s known all around the world that there’s a chance someone will have to kill a woman, a child, or even a member of their own family, but they still sign up ‘for the cause’. The difference between a soldier like that and Bucky though, is that Bucky didn’t have a choice. This wasn’t just some summons to war; he’d already been through that. This—this was imprisonment._ ”

“ _It’s called saying no, or fucking running away!_ ”

Rune hesitated, suddenly looking very sick. Bucky was already rim-rod straight in his arms so Steve knew he wasn’t going to like whatever she had to say next. “ _Saying no resulted in many punishments including isolation, electrocution, therapy in a chair created to wipe his brain to make him more compliant, or sometimes starvation and dehydration. Running away was worse. He managed it a few times, got pretty far too, but you can only get go so long with a scrambled brain and an entire organization hunting you down. The longest he was able to run before HYDRA fell was a month before they caught him. They broke every bone in his body for that escape. I heard they threw acid in his eyes to blind him for an earlier attempt too; they knew his vision would heal eventually thanks to the serum in his blood, but the healing process was agony._ ”

A tremor flooded through Bucky as he buried his face into Steve’s shoulder, Steve tightening his hold around him. Neither Rune or Stark spoke for a long while, Rune scratching nervously at the back of her neck. “ _He told me once that he’d tried killing himself on three separate occasions. And each and every time they brought him back to life. He’d been dead for almost a full twenty-four hours during one attempt and they still dissected and repaired enough to get his heart beating again._ ”

“ _Christ,_ ” Stark hissed, looking desperately like he wanted a drink. Steve could relate; he'd heard most of this from Bucky already, but it still made him queasy.

“ _I’m not confessing all of this for sympathy. I’m merely trying to get you to understand. Buck literally had no choice in what happened to your parents. I bet you a million dollars that, if he’d remembered who they were, he’d have let them escape, punishment or not. He—he never wanted this. Any of it, but it’s still a life he was forced to live,_ ” she mumbled, her shoulders dropping. “ _He doesn’t expect you to forgive him. In fact, if you ever caught him alone, he’d let you kill him without a fight. He’d let you do whatever you felt was enough justice for what he did to you and your family. I know because he expected the same from me._ ”

Stark grit his teeth together but Steve swore, if he could zoom in on the image, he’d see tears in his eyes. “ _I can’t—fuck, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive him._ ”

“ _And I’m not telling you to, Stark. All I’m asking is you put your anger where it belongs. All I’m asking is for you to be angry at the people who started all of this, the ones who have ruined countless lives all for greed and power. Your anger was justified but misplaced. Bucky was merely the puppet. HYDRA was the puppeteer._ ”

Surprisingly Stark’s stance loosened, his head lifting from where he’d zoned out on the floor. “ _So what do you expect me to do, then?_ ”

“ _I know why the whole ‘Civil War’ thing hurt you so much. The Avengers are—were, your family, and all you wanted to do was keep them together. But the accords weren’t the only thing that caused the rift. You see, I don’t think anyone really understood why Steve did what he did, why he really chose to fight._ ”

“ _You mean protecting his ‘friend’, the brain-washed popsicle?_ ”

“ _You told Steve that you were once his friend too, yes? And part of you felt betrayed thinking Steve was turning on one friend for another. The thing is, Bucky isn’t Steve’s friend._ ”

“ _Ok, what? Steve wouldn’t go crazy-spangle-fighter on everyone’s ass for some nobody. And besides, the Smithsonian had stated that they were ‘best friends since childhood’! Remember?_ ”

“ _I’m not explaining this right,_ ” Rune sighed with a pinch to the bridge of her nose. “ _Stark, what would you have done if it was Pepper in Buck’s shoes? If SHIELD wanted to arrest her for some crime she’d been forced to do? Well, actually, it wasn’t even an arrest demand; it was a shoot-on-sight order._ ”

“ _I would have gotten her the fuck out of dodge, that’s what. But what does Pepper have to do with Barnes? I mean, Pepper is the love of my life, even if we’re having problems at the moment, but Barnes and Rogers—oh,_ ” Stark’s eyes went wide as the information hit him like a cement truck. “ _Wait, are you—Jesus, are you telling me they love each other? Like, are in love with each other?_ ”

Rune nodded. “ _Since they were kids, actually. Come on, Stark. Are you telling me this whole story doesn’t ring a little Brokeback Mountain to you?_ ”

Stark gaped like a fish for a few minutes before throwing his hands up. “ _Dammit! That’s the kind of conclusion I totally would have come up with too!_ ” he groaned. He went silent for another few minutes, obviously letting the information sink in as he rubbed at his left temple. “ _Man, Cap’s really in love, huh?_ ”

“ _As tragic of a story as it is, yes. They are both sappily in love and it is stupidly beautiful,_ ” Rune grinned, Stark chuckling. “ _Look, all I’m saying is that Steve and the others are waiting for you. He held the olive branch out with the burner phone and letter and now he’s just waiting for you to make the next move, no matter how long it takes. Steve doesn’t expect forgiveness either and the guilt of ruining his friendship with you is keeping him from trying to contact you again._ ”

“ _How—how do you know about the burner phone?_ ”

“ _Unfortunately HYDRA knows a lot. After I broke out of—well, let’s just say HYDRA hasn’t been happy with me as of late. Anyway, I did some catching up on my pop culture through their files and found out Steve had made contact with you from wherever they are hiding out. I’ve erased everything they’ve got though, along with a lot of other information HYDRA was trying to stock up on you guys, so you’re welcome. Also, cool idea to implant an x-ray program into Spider-boy’s mask; he’s strong for a little dude, ain’t he? I watched the security footage from the airport and the kid’s got an arm!_ ”

“ _How do you know about my programing!?!?_ ”

“ _Apparently you already have a mole, Stark. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news today. But, I can help you with that little problem before I go, if you want._ ”

Stark let out a deep sigh before nodding. “ _If it ain’t against your moral code, I could use the hand. And_ — “he glanced her over briefly, “— _I’ll consider, you know, everything you said. It does give me things to think about._ ”

“ _That’s all I ask, Stark. Now come on, we’ve got a mole to flush out. Oh, this is going to be so much fun!_ ”

“ _You are a little terrifying, aren’t you, blueberry?_ ”

“ _Kind of have to be if you’re stupid enough to work for HYDRA._ ”

As the duo walked out of the screen’s shot, the video ended, once again soaking the room in silence. Bucky was still clinging to Steve whose arms were just as tight around his waist. As desperate as he was to extinguish that flicker of hope in his chest about Stark, after watching that video, it’d roared back to life. Just as Steve made to say exactly that, Bucky cleared his throat, his voice quiet. “We literally went to war with Stark. We spent days trying to convince him to back down, and we failed. Half of us went to prison! Then Rune walks straight into Stark Tower, speaks to him for thirty minutes, and she has his walls down. All without using her gift.” He slowly pulled his head from its hiding place in Steve’s neck to blink at him. “Stark’s right, she really is terrifying.”

“How did she know—I mean, we hadn’t even told each other we loved each other. How did she know all of this just by doing research at some HYDRA base?”

“Rune was one of our best profilers. She used to go into an interrogation, speak to the prisoner for less than two minutes, then come out with their darkest secret. Most of the time she didn’t even have to use her gift either,” he explained with a slight shrug, his fingers beginning to fiddler with the hemming of Steve’s shirt. “She knew I loved you, I’d confessed it as soon as I remembered what you’d meant to me. I guess, after seeing everything that happened with the accords and Stark, she’d put two and two together about you too.”

“Everything she told him was right, you know. She and I hadn’t even met yet and she was already out there laying down everything I’d ever wanted to say and do.”

Bucky sighed as he let them fall forehead to forehead, his thumbs gently brushing his cheeks. “Steve, I’m—I’m sorry you had to hear all of that. I know it wasn’t easy.”

Steve shook his head before lightly kissing him. “Don’t be, please. I know—I know it’s damn near impossible for you to talk about, and I’d never pressure you into telling me anything you’re not comfortable with, but I don’t want you to ever think you have to keep things from me for my own well-being. I want to help you, however I can, and if that means just sitting and comforting you while you spill your guts, so be it. I mean, they already turned me into a huggable plush! I’m practically a pro now.”

That got him a light chuckle. “As adorable as that is, you will always be my favorite, babydoll.”

“I better be,” Steve pouted, earning him another kiss. “I’m glad Rune did this, as hard as it was to get through.”

“Me too. I feel—I feel like I finally got my good-bye. She was a part of my life for twenty-three years, and they were the best years I ever had with HYDRA, as morbid as that is. I just always felt, safe, I guess. As safe as I could be working beneath Pierce at least. Hearing she was killed just days before I woke up hurt, I won’t lie, and it meant I never got the closure with her I think we both needed. Hell, I never even got to thank her for everything she’d done and sacrificed for me either. But with this—I feel like _this_ was what we both needed. And, she was able to lay everything out for Stark too, as hard as it was to watch his reactions to it.”

"Are you ok with her telling him all of this?"

Bucky nodded. "I'd never have been able to explain myself to him. Besides, she's had personal experience with HYDRA's tortures, so if anyone is allowed to spill my dark secrets, it's her."

“I’m glad, Buck.” They stood there for another few minutes, both of them slowly coming down from the rollercoaster of emotions, before Steve gently pulled away. “Why don’t we get something to eat, huh? We should probably hydrate too. Pretty sure we cried half our body weight just now.”

“Ugh, tell me about it. I hate crying,” Bucky grunted, wiping at his cheeks for emphasis. “Do you think Wanda could use some company? If her good-bye was anything like ours, she shouldn’t be alone.”

“We can stop by her room and ask. I think she’d like—“

That’s when they heard a piercing ring echo from the back, Steve’s brows furrowing. “Is that a phone?” Buck questioned as he glanced around.

Steve pulled his from his pocket, motioning to where Bucky’s was sitting on the coffee table, both completely silent. Eventually they followed the continuing ringing, the sound luring them into their bedroom and over to Steve’s nightstand. When they pulled the drawer open however, both of their hearts stopped. “It’s the burner phone.”

“So does that mean Stark’s actually calling? Right now?” Bucky gaped. When Steve still made no move to grab it, he sharply punched him. “Answer it, Stevie!”

“Shit, right,” he scrambled to pick it up with shaking hands. As soon as he flipped the screen open he pressed it to his ear, Bucky’s metal fingers gripping the bottom of his shirt. “Hello?”

“ _Hello there, Cap_ ,” Stark’s voice called over the other line. “ _I think it’s about time you and I had that little heart to heart you talked about._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end! Sorry for the cliff-hanger ending, but I still hope you guys enjoyed it! <3  
> Again, thank you so much to Alex for helping me with my Russian phrases. I really do appreciate all of your help!
> 
> [Serbian]  
> мојa месец – my moon
> 
> [Russian]  
> Боже, мне так жаль, мой солдат – God, I’m sorry, my soldier  
> все в порядке, Не плачь – It’s ok, don’t cry  
> я прощаю тебя. – I forgive you  
> И всегда прощал – I always have  
> Прости – Sorry  
> Увидимся в следующей жизни – See you in next life  
> подавитель воли – will bender


End file.
